question for the parents on the boards

[R. Smith]

Ok, say you go to Church...been healed and seen incredible God movements. You have a daughter, who @ one point was on fire for God. Would you let this same daughter date a party going, un-saved guy???

-R-

[SueQ]

Ok, say you go to Church...been healed and seen incredible God movements. You have a daughter, who @ one point was on fire for God. Would you let this same daughter date a party going, un-saved guy???

-R-

I expect to be in this situation eventually.....My first reaction is "no".....but I have to ask: "What kind of party?"........My plan is to invite whoever wants to date Anna to come for dinner first.....And encourage her to bring her friends around a lot.....2 of my brothers were not saved before they married....then got saved because of their wives' testimonies and church....

[R. Smith]

He drinks, by the sounds of it...pretty hardcore drinker. To be honest with you, her dating life isn't any of my bizz. But, she talked to me about it last night. This gal was once on fire for God, but she is very far from God right now. This summer, she has only gone to Church 2 times...and both times...she didn't want to be there.

The gal went on to tell me, her Mom wants to meet this guy. She said, if her Mom doesn't approve, she'll brake it off.

-R-

[kiwisongbird]

You didn't say how old this girl is? If she's away from the Lord it's pretty difficult to stop her doing stuff, prayer is the biggie... her mother knows her and her situation better than other people do...

Tricky eh? I haven't had these situations in my life as a parent yet, so don't know how I'd react, sometimes it's easy to think we know the best from the outside of situations and before we've been through them ourselves.

[Bryon]

Ok, say you go to Church...been healed and seen incredible God movements. You have a daughter, who @ one point was on fire for God. Would you let this same daughter date a party going, un-saved guy???

-R-

I will be in this sort of situation from both sides at some point in the future and I plan on handling the exact same way. Pray, that is all I can do! If I am living my faith, being a supportive parent and taking an active role in their lives then these problems can be resolved easily. My eldest son believes in science and knowledge, he doesn't drink or do anything illicit as he has seen the effects first hand so I fully expect at some point to be told off because some parent refused to let their daughter go out with him because of his beliefs/appearance. My daughter is a strong young Christian but hasn't yet had a strong test of her faith so I'm not sure how she will fare yet. As parents the best thing we can do is pray for them.

[R. Smith]

Kiwi - the gal is 14. She talked to me about this guy Saturday night...after Church. I donno why, its not my place to give an opinion on her dating life. 2 month's ago, she was so on fire for God...it made me look like a tame Christian. Now, she is so far from God is scary. I do pray for her, and told her that Saturday night. To my suprise, she told me she doesn't want me praying for her.

But she got mad when I ask how much he drinks. I shouldn't have asked that.

The gal said if her Mom doesn't approve of the guy, she will not see him anymore. Just from what she (the gal) told me about him, I don't think the Mom will approve of him.

-R-

[kiwisongbird]

That's pretty young for dating eh?

I think dating is a stupid thing to do anyway and have taught all our boys that, but not quite sure what would happen if they started wanting to date, haven't reached that one yet.

It's great that she won't go out with him if her mother doesn't approve - I'm impressed that she's that open to hearing what her mum has to say.

[R. Smith]

Yea, the one thing I did tell her was, she's too young to be dating. She has a Sister 1 year older then her. She told me, 'My Sister has been with a guy for a year and a half...so I'm 'Not' too young to date.

Well, as far as her listening to her mom...I donno about that. Her last b/f, her Mom didn't approve of, and was told to brake it off. She stay with him for awhile, but told people it was over.

Her and her Mom don't really get along right now...that's probably why she came and talked to me about this guy.

I only was to see the best for her, to see her come back to the Lord. When we talked on Saturday, you can see it in her eyes...how far from God she is.

-R-

[prayercloth sis]

I do not allow my sons to date or get really close to people who are not in church and on fire for God...

I do not want them to lose what they have with God...for the things of this world....

i go back to the scritpure of unequally yoked...

God Bless
Rhonie

[DareDevil]

She is 14 and probably right in the middle of her puberty! This means that she is confused on so many levels that she is probably not even sure who she really is. This is also why I am not overly concerned about her being more away from God right now. If the foundation has been set and if things do not go terribly wrong then she'll come back one day.

Actually, that is also why I would caution against her dating that guy. Sure, teenagers have the right to make mistakes imho, but parents should step in when teenagers are about to make a mistake that could very well proof to be fatal! The possibility to be introduced to alcohol at such a young age simply involves too many risks to count them all! There's the risk that she becomes a drinker herself and that she might even have sex when drunk come to my mind.

So no, unless parents can be very, very sure of their teenage daughter to say no to alcohol even when her aren't around then they should intervene here!

[R. Smith]

Yea, her getting involved with a party guy & hanging out with a party crowd is a concern of mine. Also, the guy is a little older than her. As in, a few grade's ahead of her.

It bothers me, 'cause a month ago...she was with guy. He was kinda mixed up; and wasn't good for her. After she broke it off with him, she told people from the Church she was gonna wait...and not date again. She told me, dating was getting between her & God. Now here she is a month later, with another guy.

But even if she was dating a Christian guy, I'd still say she is too young.

[DareDevil]

Well, she's a teenager. That kind of behaviour is kind of normal for them.

Anyway, dating with 14 is always a problematic thing. When it doesn't go beyond holding hands and maybe a kiss then I'd say that it is acceptable, but yeah, if this paticular guy is not only older, a drinker and also a party goer then he can probably walk all over her if he wants to. Chance is that he wants to do so indeed.



Note: I'm not a father, but I have some experience with (troubled) kids of that age and my personal experience is that a lack of parental guidance tends to do a lot of harm. This doesn't mean that parents should strive to maintain total control over their teenagers, but way too many teenagers cannot handle the huge amount of freedom that a lot of parents are granting them. WHY so many parents cannot see that a huge amount of freedom is actually a burden for most teenagers is beyond me.

[R. Smith]

Well, thanks for your input guys and gals. I probably won't see the gal again till next Church service, but I donno. She hasn't been making it out to Church as much. But I will keep on praying for her, and this situation.

Lord, have your way in thie young Ladies life right now. Fill her with your love, and be a lamp unto her feet. Show her that 'You' are love, and that You love her...

-Roger

[rossid]

No.

[R. Smith]

What's up Rossid???

-Rog.

[rossid]

Oh I'm good Roger. Very busy with kids' birthday party this weekend. :D

Pray everything is good with you. Work, life, etc. :cool:

Doriano ;)

[hochspeyer]

No.


I agree. Our kids know very well what the boundaries are. No is a very good answer, and you are the parent- you have every right to tell her who she can and cannot go out.

Sorry, I'm from the Midwest, and we can't spell PC.

[Godgrl Gomer]

She is 14!!! She is a BABY:eek:
However...she wont see it that way.
Any guy who is a hard drinker is either trouble with a capital T because he is either a kid who has major issues, or waaay to old to be dating a 14 year old and y'all know what THAT means.

Now..ok, here comes confession time.:o When I was 16 I dated a 24 year old...and yeah...it was what you think.

I didnt really see the issue. But I was way messed up. I just wanted to be loved, ya know...and maybe this is all the girl can see. She thinks there is a guy who cares for her and she doesnt want to loose him in case she never finds anyone who loves her. Yeah I know she is 14 but she wont see how young that is until she is much older.

Pray for her. Hold her name up before the Lord constantly and place a hedge of protection about her.

Dont judge her. (not saying you are) She is just looking to be loved.

[SightUnseen]

I agree, she is way to young to be dating period, especially with an older guy(you know what he's thinking) and a drinker, she's getting in way over her head. It's her parents job to intervene. I'm already dealing with this with my 12 yr old cause alot of girls she knows at school are already dating(actual dates with 16, 17 yr olds) and I wont allow it. There is only 1 thing a 16 or 17 year old boy would want with a 12, 13, 14 yr old girl and everyone knows what that is. I feel it is my job to set bounderies to protect my children and I feel it should be with every parent.

[Godgrl Gomer]

I agree, she is way to young to be dating period, especially with an older guy(you know what he's thinking) and a drinker, she's getting in way over her head. It's her parents job to intervene. I'm already dealing with this with my 12 yr old cause a lot of girls she knows at school are already dating(actual dates with 16, 17 yr olds) and I wont allow it. There is only 1 thing a 16 or 17 year old boy would want with a 12, 13, 14 yr old girl and everyone knows what that is. I feel it is my job to set bounderies to protect my children and I feel it should be with every parent.

In my 1st year of teaching I had one of my Grade 8 students come to me in tears. (I was 'cool' then, being only 21 and all;) )
Anyway, she had broken up with her boyfriend and wanted to talk. Her boyfriend was in the same grade and class etc. He dumped her because she refused to have sex with him! I remember my jaw hitting the floor. I was like, y'all are TWELVE! You are not old enough to be thinking about sex yet!

Guess I was wrong.

I let her know she did the right thing. She received the highest grades in the whole year, she was pretty, confident and on the basket ball team. It would have been a shame if she threw her life away. That was almost 10 years ago:eek: where do the years go?:( :confused: :eek:

[Kindnessmatters]

It is good to talk to people with teenagers. My daughter is 14 and there is no way for many reasons she is dating ANYONE right now. Reasons being, if something happened, she doesn't drive yet and doesn't have a drivers license and wouldn't be able to get herself out of arough situation like that if one arises.

My daughter is not mature enough to handle dating right now. Other girls might be ready at this age, but she's not. She has a boyfriend at school which has recently happened and I am encouraging her to have him over so that we can get to know him. I am just reminding her to take things very slowly. Teenagers at her school seem to like to use the L word at this age and it floors me really.

Saved or not, I have to keep reminding myself that my daughter must go through her own trials and tribulations in life and I have to remember to let her go through them so that she will learn from them. I will be there for her with whatever it is. I hope that she doesn't go down the drug and other self destructing roads there are out there. Very hard lessons to learn those ones! Support the good and don't condone the bad. At some point in their lives they have to make choices and we have to let them.

Good luck with everything. Nothing worth it is ever easy! :)

[kiwisongbird]

Dating is a sad American (mostly) cultural expectation. My German friends talk about how they lived their teenage lives - they had wonderful times hanging out in large groups, sometimes going out with a guy friend but with no pressure to be 'an item'.

As the world becomes westernised the dating phenomenon mushrooms and places stresses on children that are totally inappropriate.

One of our favourite movies is "She's the Man" and now I think about it, it's all about dating.

[mammo girl]

I agree with the others about being too young at 14 to date. What is she going to do if she gets pregnant? How is she going to support her child being a child herself? Mom and dad would have to take care of the babies (newborn and 14 yr old). Will he be responsible enough to take care of her and the baby if he does get her pregnant? Is she responsible enough to say no to the stuff he's doing (drinking, drugs, etc) if he asks her to join him?

Our daughter-in-law is dating a guy who was heavy into drugs but has recently changed his ways. He's going to church with Steph and turned his life around. I think this has been because of our granddaughter, kangaRuby. She loves George. She'll go to him over Steph anytime. He is so good with her. Larry has been talking to George and I think that was a big turning point in his life, too. We just keep on praying that he stays on this path. People can change but they need to understand what path they are taking and decide for themselves which one they want. People can change.

[R. Smith]

the gal doesn't really come to Church anymore, neither does the Mom. The gal kinda goes to youth group, but it very taken by the world. If she gets pregnant, that's a choice she makes. And will have to deal with, if it happens. The gal wants so badly to grow up fast, and that's her choice. All I can do is pray...