Teenagers....parents perspective!

[prayercloth sis]

Hello Everyone,

Just thought I would start a thread and see how you parents out there deal with the ups and downs of having teens...

My middle son, Britt who is 16 1/2 well let's say i love him so very much and lately he has been leaving footprints all over my heart...

We have so many decisions to make this year..our eldest son Griffin is a SR...and getting ready for college..he's in his 3rd year of airplane mechanics...at the end of the school year he will only have 6 mos. left to get his degree...

Britt is in the top 10 percent of his class at school and wants to stay there and yet take deca...

They both work part-time...and the list goes on and on...

We just need God's guidance...and peace!!! lol

Britt wants to be an architect one day and Griff an engineer...

I wish I could get them in to interview someone in that field...

Any advice out there from you guys that, have already been there, done that...or in the process....

We are hoping to get with the advisors at school...tried last year with no avail.....go figure...

Keep us in your prayers...Thanks for listening..

love you all

Rhonie

[luvmyrottie]

it's rough. I had 4 teenagers at once. Fortunately, one was off at college and only 3 were left at home by then. I did a lot of praying and a lot of calling to my mom and my mother-in-law! Just hang in there.

[prayercloth sis]

it's rough. I had 4 teenagers at once. Fortunately, one was off at college and only 3 were left at home by then. I did a lot of praying and a lot of calling to my mom and my mother-in-law! Just hang in there.


Thanks...

My Mom went on to be with the Lord almost 10 years ago.

..and my mother-n-law aren't that close...

but I do have you guys...

Thanks for caring
Rhonie

[Yippy]

I can't help much since I'm in the thick of it. I do know that if something isn't "tight", it's either lame or gay, and EVERYTHING is annoying. So far, the boy is definitely easier than the girl.

We're making the same decisions, which is daunting. Thankfully, we have a lot of people in our church who help us out and keep our kids in prayer. I also check in with friends here and there who have already done this and they regularly tell me how "normal" my kids are...:D At best, normal is exhausting. Talk about trampling your heart...where did my sweet little kids go? A large part of the discomfort of having teens is the mourning of their childhood, which seems like it was just yesterday. And oh my goodness, there are way too many opinions in the house now...Then top all that off with making decisions for college and throw menopause in the mix, and wow! Thankfully, I have a sense of humour that kicks in when I'm stressed out. It's preferable to crying 24-7...:D

[prayercloth sis]

I can't help much since I'm in the thick of it. I do know that if something isn't "tight", it's either lame or gay, and EVERYTHING is annoying. So far, the boy is definitely easier than the girl.

We're making the same decisions, which is daunting. Thankfully, we have a lot of people in our church who help us out and keep our kids in prayer. I also check in with friends here and there who have already done this and they regularly tell me how "normal" my kids are...:D At best, normal is exhausting. Talk about trampling your heart...where did my sweet little kids go? A large part of the discomfort of having teens is the mourning of their childhood, which seems like it was just yesterday. And oh my goodness, there are way too many opinions in the house now...Then top all that off with making decisions for college and throw menopause in the mix, and wow! Thankfully, I have a sense of humour that kicks in when I'm stressed out. It's preferable to crying 24-7...:D



I am so with you Diane...hot flashes and cold chills..and all of it...lol

My daughter just started reaching the age of "maturity" and well...it's on...

Prayer, prayer and lots of prayer...did I mention prayer...lol

and hot realaxing bubble baths...

along with great friends like you...

Love you Sis...you are so precious...i really mean that you have been here for me since I joined...and my hat is off to you...

God Bless
Rhonie

[jevvv]

Hi Rhonie, sorry I can't add anything helpful here, but I will be praying for you whenever you come to mind- and your teens ;-)

I've got one and one-on-the-way: my daughter is 15, nearly 16 and my son is 13. So there are times when I put my foot down and say "this is how it goes" about attitudes or chores, but so far it isn't too bad- I haven't had to deal with the "what am I doing, what am I going to do, you wrecked my whole life and the entire universe" stuff yet ;-)

[prayercloth sis]

We have really good days...

and then we have really....sad days...for me...

just growing up....and Mom...welll....watching them grow up...

They are pretty good....for the most part...but they do have their days...just like us all....

We have been doing so much ministering out...and traveling...and revivals...and so forth...i am due for a relaxing weekend....

my nerves are a little frayed around the edges...

Thanks all...you are so precious....for the prayers, support, kind words...and much more...friendship...

God bless you all....

Rhonie

[EmmoGomer]

This will be my thread in 10 years time! I'm going to watch and learn ;)!!

[sandie]

Michael is 21 years (and one day) old. I brought him up myself from the age of three, with no input from his father. Michael was reasonable, 99% of the time, and volatile occasionally. The hormones were racing, particularly where isssues of authority at school were concerned, or romance. He made the decision not to go to University or TAFE after school, but to work instead, despite his intelligence.

Some of the decisions he made, I would not have made. However, my job is, and always has been to love Michael and support him no matter what. That means taking the opportunity for an indepth conversation when he's been in the mood. This tends to happen in the kitchen over coffee, or in the car. It's also meant being woken up at 11:30pm, because he's decided to throw in his job that day and look for another. ("Are you awake, mum?" "Yes, I am now.") :rolleyes:

To me, the key has been to have honest communication with Michael. Parents can dig their heels in over an issue and create a "lose, lose" situation where the relationship is fractured. (I sat with a female Pastor on the train yesterday. When she and her husband became Pentecostals, their Methodist and Baptist parents disowned them for years. :eek: I find it amazing that someone can dig their heels in and sever the relationship over an issue.)

So, keep talking. Pray for them. And keep the sense of humour - it comes in handy. :P

[Jason]

He made the decision not to go to University or TAFE after school, but to work instead, despite his intelligence.



For the non-Aussies, TAFE means a technical/vocational school.

[prayercloth sis]

Michael is 21 years (and one day) old. I brought him up myself from the age of three, with no input from his father. Michael was reasonable, 99% of the time, and volatile occasionally. The hormones were racing, particularly where isssues of authority at school were concerned, or romance. He made the decision not to go to University or TAFE after school, but to work instead, despite his intelligence.

Some of the decisions he made, I would not have made. However, my job is, and always has been to love Michael and support him no matter what. That means taking the opportunity for an indepth conversation when he's been in the mood. This tends to happen in the kitchen over coffee, or in the car. It's also meant being woken up at 11:30pm, because he's decided to throw in his job that day and look for another. ("Are you awake, mum?" "Yes, I am now.") :rolleyes:

To me, the key has been to have honest communication with Michael. Parents can dig their heels in over an issue and create a "lose, lose" situation where the relationship is fractured. (I sat with a female Pastor on the train yesterday. When she and her husband became Pentecostals, their Methodist and Baptist parents disowned them for years. :eek: I find it amazing that someone can dig their heels in and sever the relationship over an issue.)

So, keep talking. Pray for them. And keep the sense of humour - it comes in handy. :P



Wow....the pastor lady....you mentioned..we have a very close testimony!

that really hit home..

It is now fantastic with our family....Mom received the Holy Ghost b4 she passed away...and my sisters love our church...To God be the glory....

My hubby's family on the other hand is another story...none of them attend anywhere....nor have any type of relationship with the Lord...please pray for the Bridges Family...

Sandie.....Thanks for the great advice and for caring enough to share...please feel free to share more if you would like...

God Bless you Sandie...

Rhonie

[rossid]

Angelo is 15 in less than a month. Probably much more reserved because that is his mother's personality. The youngest sophomore because he started school on time after two years of pre-k. We had to start pre-k at three because of his lack of speech. Is in advanced classes half a day and then at his high school in the afternoon. The high school is so culturally diverse that it presented challenges as a freshman. He was not used to this stuff prior to high school. He into Christian hard rock after I have gently steered him from some unfavorable secular hard rock. He plays bass but will not take lessons. We have to get ready for college search now. Thank God one of his middle school chums is still in the picture even though they are at different high schools. Most of his chums went to a different high school. I really like where he is at because it is smaller.

Mario is like his dad. Outgoing, type A, sassing, etc. His involvement in youth group got his older brother more involved. He'll be an eighth grader. Excellent grades but this year will be in the same advanced school half a day and need to buckle down and study. Has a gal friend, and we do mean friend, because her parent's have excellent values. Not sure if they are Christian but she can have no boyfriends or talk on the phone to boys. I went to high school with her mom. He plays basketball and trumpet. If skills get better may play high school ball.

Is this what you are looking for?

[Tehillah]

Oh, I have to jump in. I feel your pain, all of you. I have a 16 yr old stepson named Cody. He's the kid that is so good looking it's pitiful and he absolutely knows it. He's really sweet but even his father will say that there's just not much upstairs. He gets bleach spots on my new towels (on the third set now), he breaks at least one glass a week, and still spills drinks like he's five. But he's really good with our five year old and looks after her whenever we ask. He keeps his grades up, despite the fact that he's addicted to his girlfriend that lives 30 minutes away. He makes me want to scream with his stinky attitude sometimes but he's the first one to spend an entire day off putting other people's new beds together. He will get his driver's license next month and we're all chomping at the bit. We need him to get some independence as much as he does.
It's exhausting sometimes but my husband is constantly reminding me- it could be much worse. He's completely normal for his age with a bonus- he stays out of trouble and respects ALL of his parents. (which is more than I could say for myself at his age). I'm just going to keep praying for him and hope that he chooses to serve God after he's on his own. That's the best I can do.

[prayercloth sis]

Angelo is 15 in less than a month. Probably much more reserved because that is his mother's personality. The youngest sophomore because he started school on time after two years of pre-k. We had to start pre-k at three because of his lack of speech. Is in advanced classes half a day and then at his high school in the afternoon. The high school is so culturally diverse that it presented challenges as a freshman. He was not used to this stuff prior to high school. He into Christian hard rock after I have gently steered him from some unfavorable secular hard rock. He plays bass but will not take lessons. We have to get ready for college search now. Thank God one of his middle school chums is still in the picture even though they are at different high schools. Most of his chums went to a different high school. I really like where he is at because it is smaller.

Mario is like his dad. Outgoing, type A, sassing, etc. His involvement in youth group got his older brother more involved. He'll be an eighth grader. Excellent grades but this year will be in the same advanced school half a day and need to buckle down and study. Has a gal friend, and we do mean friend, because her parent's have excellent values. Not sure if they are Christian but she can have no boyfriends or talk on the phone to boys. I went to high school with her mom. He plays basketball and trumpet. If skills get better may play high school ball.

Is this what you are looking for?


Sounds alot like what gooes on around here...lol...

[prayercloth sis]

Oh, I have to jump in. I feel your pain, all of you. I have a 16 yr old stepson named Cody. He's the kid that is so good looking it's pitiful and he absolutely knows it. He's really sweet but even his father will say that there's just not much upstairs. He gets bleach spots on my new towels (on the third set now), he breaks at least one glass a week, and still spills drinks like he's five. But he's really good with our five year old and looks after her whenever we ask. He keeps his grades up, despite the fact that he's addicted to his girlfriend that lives 30 minutes away. He makes me want to scream with his stinky attitude sometimes but he's the first one to spend an entire day off putting other people's new beds together. He will get his driver's license next month and we're all chomping at the bit. We need him to get some independence as much as he does.
It's exhausting sometimes but my husband is constantly reminding me- it could be much worse. He's completely normal for his age with a bonus- he stays out of trouble and respects ALL of his parents. (which is more than I could say for myself at his age). I'm just going to keep praying for him and hope that he chooses to serve God after he's on his own. That's the best I can do.



Well, pray for me...my sons..like to push it from time to time...
Don't want to help around the house and do chores...
Stay up late on the PS2 or 3...or whatever it is..and sleep all day...
and then get up an dplay it again...or go to their friends and swim... or bowling...go go go...all the time...

Their room needs a good cleaning and the closet...plus if i could get everything done i might could dust and steam clean the carpets...lol....

Just so much to do...and well...it all never seems to get done...it can be frustrating from time to time...

My hubby is home ...and he hates to be the bad guy...

and i am tired of being the bad guy and the responsible adult all the time..
so you guys just pray for me...

i love them all dearly and would be utterly lost without them, just wish they would help the first or 2nd or 3 rd time i ask...instead of 10 or 15...and then me losing my patience...and fussing at them...

Thanks Guys and Gals for all the love and support...

I love and appreciate you all...

Rhonie

[prayercloth sis]

Well I am officially the Mom of a SR in High school...Griff is a SR...

and my middle child Britt is a JR....

can't believe it....(i am older than i thought i was lol)....

please pray for them as they have several colleges contacting them...and will be visiting campuses....and working hard..

Griff will be graduating with Distinguished Honors...and Britt is pushing for Valadictorian or Sal...or Kum Laude...which is above distingushed honors..i probably mispelled all of that..He's in the top 50 i think....(in a class of 370) and working for the top 20....

Griff messed around last year...and didn't keep focused....and Britt slacked off at the end and dropped from the top 10 of his class to the top 40 m(in a class of over 400)....in one semester...but if he keeps focused there is no telling what he can do...We visited with there campus counselor..she is awesome I just wish I would have someone like her in my life at that age....because i was an A B student...I was told i wouldn't make it in college...also I failed 1/2 semester of physics...but only one person passed in there...and I made it up...with time to spare my SR year...

Just for the record...I did not press or push the boys into this...God has truly blessed them with learning....and I give him all the glory...and I am so very proud of them....they have worked so hard!

I had to STUDY!!!! hard for my grades.....

Young people you can go to college...and be someone...even if you make C's ..if you work hard...you will make it!!!

They r both working...and both doing great...both wanting to go into Engineering...which our college here has excellent rating on that....praise the Lord...

Anyone having teenagers...feel free to post...and even those who do not...

Any teens are welcome to share as well.....

God Bless
Rhonie

[prayercloth sis]

My oldest son Griffin got his proofs in for his Sr. pics...

just for a portfolio of the proofs $190.00...

The smallest set of pics...3 8x10's...with some 5x7's and 4x6's...and wallets...$330.00...

and they continue to go way up...I can't believe they take advantage of you like this...

I want them..but my God...the prices are out of this world...the company name is Prestige...they have really gone up on their prices...big time...

the pics are great...but for the money...no where near enough pics...

will come back and post the complete package deal or scan & copy...just can't get over the prices..

Anyone else had to dela with this...

Rhonie

[SightUnseen]

Sorry I can't help I have a 12- girl and 13-boy its definetly looking like the boy is gonna be easier. She's already thinkin the world revolves around her. But I'm definetly reading and TAKING NOTES, cause I know it's coming sooner than I want it to.

[hochspeyer]

Jennifer and I have an 18-yr old son (PDD, ADD), 15-yr old daughter (probably ADD) and an almost 12-yr old son (also probably ADD). I don't know what more to say at this point, but this looks like a great discussion!
*PDD= prevasive developmental delay (he's about 3-4 years behind his age/gender in emotional/social development
*ADD- attention deficit disorder, a part of the autism continuum. Jennifer, Daniel (our oldest) and I were diagnosed with it. For those who are not aware, it is not something one necessarily grows out of, as was previously thought- I'm 48, and Jennifer is 44.

[prayercloth sis]

Well....


Things are going ok....boys are working...one wants to quit every few weeks...lol says ppl get on his nerves....roflol....hello ...that's life...

One got a raise...the other is expecting one.............

I finally broke down and cleaned thier room from top to bottom.....steam cleaned, window sills, beds, curtains, mattresses.....drawers... .under beds....dusted all the music equipment....you name it...it's clean....:eek:

SMELL's great now!!!

as a matter of fact..... I cleaned the whole house from top to bottom...still have two closets, kitchen drawers, med cab and towel closet, and vacuum cleaner closet to go....

Then comes the welding shop and the utility room...

Pray...I am trashing and giving away stuff....tired of the mess...:P

love you guys
Rhonie

[kiwisongbird]

Sounds like a good idea, might do that to Nico's room one day soon :)

[Evanescence]

Let them be teens and man....don't over protect them or they'll never know what to do in the real world. Begin the process of still being a mom...you're always that...but also being a friend.

Lastly, don't be a pain int he butt. No one likes that but we're all prone to do that.....especially authority...like parents.

Keep praying and doing whats right and you'll be fine...:cool:

[Yippy]

I finally broke down and cleaned thier room from top to bottom.....steam cleaned, window sills, beds, curtains, mattresses.....drawers... .under beds....dusted all the music equipment....you name it...it's clean....:eek:



I do their rooms for me, NOT for them.:P

[hochspeyer]

HAZMAT cleanup.

[allyoop]

Hello. I read your posts with a bit of envy. My story has not been One of those " alot worse" ones. I have been married to a wonderful man for 9 years. We are a blended family, with neither the ex-wife (lost somewhere in addiction) or the ex-husband (deceased) in the picture. We both came to Christ within a short period of meeting each other. We have learned as we go. When we married he had 3 children, a daughter and twin boys. I had a son. About a year or so after we married we had another daughter. Fast forward. The eldest is 16 and a half, and the 3 boys are all 14 and a half. The youngest is 5. The "alot worse" has been with the eldest daughter. We surmise she has abandonment issues with her bio-mom. Probably other things as well. This has shown itself in behavior such as promiscuity, running away, drugs of every sort and expulsion from school. We tried counselors, but she would either walk out cursing the counselor or just refuse to go. We tried youth groups. She laughed and did everything possible to offend the groups. Finally last spring we convinced her to go to a treatment program. She ran away. She had tested positive for pot, meth, barbituates and opiates. We made the difficult decision to have her placed in a boarding school. We then found out she had been doing inhalants, stealing anything and everything, and been hanging out with drug dealers. We feel we made the right decision, but struggle with guilt because some advised us not to send her because it would add to her abandonement issues. But then I think at least she is safe, clean and sober. Our money we borrowed against the house to pay for this school is almost gone. Please pray for us that the Lord will change her heart and for peace when she returns to the family. Despite all the turmoil, the boys have been wonderful (Yes, sometimes there are issues with attitude and chores:) ). Well I guess I have to remember that even for me it could be "alot worse."

[Johnny 59]

Hello. I read your posts with a bit of envy. My story has not been One of those " alot worse" ones. I have been married to a wonderful man for 9 years. We are a blended family, with neither the ex-wife (lost somewhere in addiction) or the ex-husband (deceased) in the picture. We both came to Christ within a short period of meeting each other. We have learned as we go. When we married he had 3 children, a daughter and twin boys. I had a son. About a year or so after we married we had another daughter. Fast forward. The eldest is 16 and a half, and the 3 boys are all 14 and a half. The youngest is 5. The "alot worse" has been with the eldest daughter. We surmise she has abandonment issues with her bio-mom. Probably other things as well. This has shown itself in behavior such as promiscuity, running away, drugs of every sort and expulsion from school. We tried counselors, but she would either walk out cursing the counselor or just refuse to go. We tried youth groups. She laughed and did everything possible to offend the groups. Finally last spring we convinced her to go to a treatment program. She ran away. She had tested positive for pot, meth, barbituates and opiates. We made the difficult decision to have her placed in a boarding school. We then found out she had been doing inhalants, stealing anything and everything, and been hanging out with drug dealers. We feel we made the right decision, but struggle with guilt because some advised us not to send her because it would add to her abandonement issues. But then I think at least she is safe, clean and sober. Our money we borrowed against the house to pay for this school is almost gone. Please pray for us that the Lord will change her heart and for peace when she returns to the family. Despite all the turmoil, the boys have been wonderful (Yes, sometimes there are issues with attitude and chores:) ). Well I guess I have to remember that even for me it could be "alot worse."

My heart goes out to you. I know 1st hand that alcoholism (addiction) is cunning, powerful and baffling. Nowadays I think most people recognize that alcoholism (drug addiction) is a devastating disease but many people still do not realize that it is a family disease. "Compulsive drinking (drugging) affects the drinker and it affects the drinker's relationships. Friendships, employment, childhood, parenthood, love affairs, and marriages all suffer from the effects of alcoholism. Those special relationships in which a person is really close to an alcoholic are affected the most, and we who care are the most caught up in the behavior of another person. We react to the alcoholic's behavior. Seeing that the drinking (drugging) is out of hand, we try to control it. We are ashamed of the public scenes but try to handle it in private. It isn't long before we feel we are to blame and take on the hurts, the fears, and the guilt of an alcoholic. We, too, can become ill." (Quote taken from the Al-Anon/Alateen Conference Approved pamphlet "Understanding Ourselves and Alcoholism) But there is help! You don't have to do it alone.
I have prayed and here is the answer I got...
Go to Al-Anon.
Here is a number and a link to find a meeting in your area:
1-888-425-2666
http://www.al-anonfamilygroups.org/meetings/california.html
I will continue to pray.
You are not alone.

[allyoop]

God bless you for your reply. The quote you gave from al-anon brought me to tears. The part about trying to handle it in private so describes what we were caught up in. We began to withdraw from neighbors, friends for shame. The boys were very affected, and still are. Teachers would say "oh, you're HER brother?" Neighbors would mention seeing the police car outside our house, etc. Once we had brought her to our pastor's wife for counseling. She chastized us for being to over- bearing and not our daughter's friend. This just added to our shame. The sleepless nights, the kids afraid she was sneaking some drug dealer in the house, everyone on edge--yes it is definetely a family condition. Hey, I will say it has brought us closer to God. Funny how trials seem to do that. Gonna go now, cause I'm gonna check out that link in your reply. God bless you again.

[prayercloth sis]

God bless you for your reply. The quote you gave from al-anon brought me to tears. The part about trying to handle it in private so describes what we were caught up in. We began to withdraw from neighbors, friends for shame. The boys were very affected, and still are. Teachers would say "oh, you're HER brother?" Neighbors would mention seeing the police car outside our house, etc. Once we had brought her to our pastor's wife for counseling. She chastized us for being to over- bearing and not our daughter's friend. This just added to our shame. The sleepless nights, the kids afraid she was sneaking some drug dealer in the house, everyone on edge--yes it is definetely a family condition. Hey, I will say it has brought us closer to God. Funny how trials seem to do that. Gonna go now, cause I'm gonna check out that link in your reply. God bless you again.


I am so blessed...makes you stop and think..thanks for sharing and know that everyone here is here for you...

to listen...or just chat and think on other things for a while..and definitely praying for you..& your precious children..

God Bless and feel free to send me a message...you'll find everyone here is absolutly wonderful...and they are great friends...glad to have you here..

Rhonie

[prayercloth sis]

the saga continues...


pray church pray....


i don't think i will miss some of these years..lol...girls, cars...etc...

love you guys
Rhonie

[rossid]

I've got to post about my 16 y.o. Rhonie...

[prayercloth sis]

Thought I would catch you up to date...

My eldest in doing pretty good in college...and my middle son is stressed his SR year....we had a 3 am discussion....please pray for him...


Griff my oldest lost his job after two years.....won't go into all the details...cause it really upsets me...they dismissed him 6 days before getting his scholarship from this company....and treated him really wrong...my husband spoke with them and turned it over to Employment Equal Opportunity????? idk...probably got that wrong...it's terrible what they did....so please pray for him...2 years of no weekends off and no sick days, learning all the positions...no promotions, wore out 5 uniforms and 3 pair of shoes....

please pray for him....been without a job going on 4 weeks and it's really hurt him.....


My 12 year old...as much as i love her...wow....the moodiness....and the messes....she's literally a walking mess waiting to happen...gets out 50 things in every room and refuses to pick them up....it's a constant....constant...ba ttle....i need prayer...

from taking away privileges....to taking away favorite CD's...etc...i am so ready for her to help clean her own messes....it wears me out standing over her making her mind....I try not to be too hard...but trash has to go in a trash can...period....please pray.....

anyway....how are you all.....I am officially a mother of three teens....the gray hair hasn't began to show...but I look from time to time...

love and miss you all....trying to get back on here more often...

God Bless
Rhonie

[allyoop]

Hello, I am the mother of 4 teens. Awhile back I posted about really rough time we were having with our eldest. Well, I am happy to report she has joined the army at 17 1/2 and is in the middle of basic training. She still has some issues, but praise God is on the right track. As for my 3 boys, the grey hair is coming! :) I know what you mean about taking away stuff. It becomes almost like a full time job just monitoring that. They are pretty good guys though. It just can sometimes make you nuts!

[prayercloth sis]

Hello, I am the mother of 4 teens. Awhile back I posted about really rough time we were having with our eldest. Well, I am happy to report she has joined the army at 17 1/2 and is in the middle of basic training. She still has some issues, but praise God is on the right track. As for my 3 boys, the grey hair is coming! :) I know what you mean about taking away stuff. It becomes almost like a full time job just monitoring that. They are pretty good guys though. It just can sometimes make you nuts!


So glad to hear the good report...

God Bless you and your precious family
Rhonie

[Salome]

Hello, I am the mother of 4 teens. Awhile back I posted about really rough time we were having with our eldest. Well, I am happy to report she has joined the army at 17 1/2 and is in the middle of basic training. She still has some issues, but praise God is on the right track. As for my 3 boys, the grey hair is coming! :) I know what you mean about taking away stuff. It becomes almost like a full time job just monitoring that. They are pretty good guys though. It just can sometimes make you nuts!

Praise God!! Just this morning I read through this whole thread. I was so glad to be able to read the cries of your heart regarding your daughter AND the answer to prayer that God gave all in one sitting. Wouldn't it be nice to have that all the time?? haha!! :P But then we wouldn't grow in our faith and trust in God. Letting Him have control is a hard lesson I'm struggling with right now.

Anywho, I have 3 boys, two of them teenagers. So far no real conflicts. But I've enjoyed this thread and will keep an eye on it.

[rossid]

Oh I am way overdue for a post here but don't have the time.

Our 16 y.o. just attended church Sunday morning for the first time in a month.

[Salome]

That's wonderful.

[prayercloth sis]

Well, there was some controversy going on with me and my 17 yr old....for quite some time (2 years)....but through fasting, prayer and communication....and trying to make the best decisions with alot of thought behind them....and trying to show him respect and asking for it in return as he is becoming a young man.....things are alot better....

Instead of just going off on me, he now states, I am hungry, tired, and didn't get enough sleep....stressed at school....etc....I don't pressure him to talk, but I love on him as much as possible and make myself available for discussions.....

he's learning to communicate.....

now pray for me and my 12 yr. old daughter....she makes a mess in every room she walks in (no exaggeration at all)....I make her clean them all....but it still hasn't stopped, bought trash cans for every room....grounded her, taken away privileges, talked to her.....whew...I am tired....I've prayed, cried.....she is so sensitive...and moody.....and goes from acting 5 to a bossy 30 yr old....

any advice...or encouragement anyone....

I love her with all my heart, and try to make time for her each week.....but there are days when I think my head will explode....

ok, enough rambling...

check back soon..
Rhonie

[prayercloth sis]

all three of my babies prayed until they were full of the Holy Ghost Sunday night....

oh yes....I am a happy Momma...

[bajagill]

Oh I am way overdue for a post here but don't have the time.

Our 16 y.o. just attended church Sunday morning for the first time in a month.

Allelujah!

[bajagill]

Well, there was some controversy going on with me and my 17 yr old....for quite some time (2 years)....but through fasting, prayer and communication....and trying to make the best decisions with alot of thought behind them....and trying to show him respect and asking for it in return as he is becoming a young man.....things are alot better....

Instead of just going off on me, he now states, I am hungry, tired, and didn't get enough sleep....stressed at school....etc....I don't pressure him to talk, but I love on him as much as possible and make myself available for discussions.....

he's learning to communicate.....

now pray for me and my 12 yr. old daughter....she makes a mess in every room she walks in (no exaggeration at all)....I make her clean them all....but it still hasn't stopped, bought trash cans for every room....grounded her, taken away privileges, talked to her.....whew...I am tired....I've prayed, cried.....she is so sensitive...and moody.....and goes from acting 5 to a bossy 30 yr old....

any advice...or encouragement anyone....

I love her with all my heart, and try to make time for her each week.....but there are days when I think my head will explode....

ok, enough rambling...

check back soon..
Rhonie

I can REALLY relate to the messy daughter! And the 'tude at times, though that would be the other girl......

As far as the mess goes, the only thing that seemed to work good was, "If I have to clean it up ( bedroom or hallway or both) it will ALL go to the dump. You have until xxx to do it or I will." That and her knowing I would keep my word. No threats. The last time was when she was 18, I got back from taking mom to work on THE day. As soon as she heard me out in the hall moving stuff around (all I was actually doing was looking for a particular item I had seen earlier that I needed) she leapt out of bed saying, "I'm up, I'm up, I'll start right after I shower!" Funny thing was, she threw 1/2 of it away herself:rolleyes: That was also the last time I had to get on her about the mess, too.

I would imagine you have already told them your responsibilities as a parent according to God's will and that it is out of that love regardless of how they perceive it. Stay strong Rhonie, and keep praying.

[prayercloth sis]

Thanks I am trying...

we are going to have to get rid of some of her stuff...but I want it to be her idea...

I hated it when Mom got rid of all my stuff...and I never knew where it went....she supposedly saved some of it...when I asked about where it was...no one knew..

I would have like to kept just a couple of things...lol...a favorite doll....and such...

anyway....gonna have to do it soon...so pray it goes well...

I am ready to chunk it all, just tired of looking at it...but when I do get the trash can out...she starts cleaning...

lol...

thanks for the encouragement..

Rhonie

[allyoop]

Hello all. Well, how quickly things can change. Just when I think all is well...
Been having some trouble with a couple of my boys. One just seems to have decided that school wasn't all that important and now is failing all classes. Had a meeting at school and they tweaked some things around a bit but no improvement or effort on his part. Another of my boys is a bit more serious. he just decided one day that he was not gonna follow any house rules. Takes off whenever he wants doesn't do chores etc. When I sat down to talk to him about it he says our rules are suffocating. He says he's talked to friends' parents and even his youth pastor and they all agree we're "over the top." He says he's looking into "divorcing" us, and that he might move in with a friend's dad. I'm pretty hurt and angry and don't know which direction to take. I have been praying and crying and considered carefully our rules and still feel we are fair. Is this just teenage manipulation?

[prayercloth sis]

Hello all. Well, how quickly things can change. Just when I think all is well...
Been having some trouble with a couple of my boys. One just seems to have decided that school wasn't all that important and now is failing all classes. Had a meeting at school and they tweaked some things around a bit but no improvement or effort on his part. Another of my boys is a bit more serious. he just decided one day that he was not gonna follow any house rules. Takes off whenever he wants doesn't do chores etc. When I sat down to talk to him about it he says our rules are suffocating. He says he's talked to friends' parents and even his youth pastor and they all agree we're "over the top." He says he's looking into "divorcing" us, and that he might move in with a friend's dad. I'm pretty hurt and angry and don't know which direction to take. I have been praying and crying and considered carefully our rules and still feel we are fair. Is this just teenage manipulation?



I so understand...but remember they are trying to communicate...they are mad or hurt...and they are reacting to the feeling...

Feelings change from moment to moment...so try not to take it personally...

Alot of the time when these events have happened around here,

I found out they are reacting to something that has happened outside the house...like at work, school, church, conversation with a so-called friend...etc...test, teacher, school....grades...peer pressure...the list goes on and on...

maybe they feel insecure, they may not have all the benefits other teens have, or get to do what others do....

just get some one on one time...go to a music store, or to Starbucks, Dairy Queen, whatever your pocketbook can afford...mine varies from time to time

make time and listen...

loudness doesn't help but upset everyone...let them know when they are communicating with you...they must respect you and choose appropriate actions and tone and volume....you will have to reenforce this alot if they are anything like mine...but it works...

give them some down time...to just veg out....no work, no chores, no stress....no school work....teens lives are ALOT more stressful than it was when I was young...big time...

There's more pressure on sex, drugs, & college scholarships and grades, and dating....etc....and all types of temptation...

School is no longer the same...there's stress there as well....and teacher's aren't what they used to be either...

ask them to help resolve the problem, find common ground....show them how to problem solve, so they don't get all stressed out...

get them involved in making small decisions....like what they want for breakfast or dinner....eating right and sleeping right are HUGE for a teen!!!

find a way for them to unwind...not in front of a TV....like a hobby or sport....they have so much emotion and energy and hormones raging they truly need this at the teen age....big time...

ours opted for a punching bag and gloves and a work out bench...a huge one...they also have their music to help them unwind...

I also found too much time with video games were causing frustration and anger....than helping them unwind...had to limit some of it...help them get active....part time job....if they aren't old enough...odd jobs around the house and pay them for it...you would a handyman...


Prayer and fasting definitely helps when nothing else will....mainly they are just trying to grow up, learn communication and responsibility....and be their own person....although they don't want boundaries at times...they really do...and they need them...

The house doesn't have to be magazine picture perfect...all the time...you live there...and we have to learn to choose our battles...reenforce good behavior, decision making and good communication skills....

Love on them as much as possible...laugh with them..and joke around...have some fun....make some memories...take lot's of pictures...for they will be gone soon....

These are just a few things I am learning along the way...

love and prayers to you...
Rhonie

[allyoop]

Hello Rhonie. Thank you for your perspective, I think it is very wise advice. Yesterday when Richard(the one who wanted to divorce us) was at school, I took some time in prayer then wrote him a note. I told him I knew sometimes even small things can seem huge when your feeling overwelmed. I told him I loved him very much and that is why we are raising him with the rules we have. There was more but that was the jist of it. When he got home after he read the note he didn't say anything but I could sense the change in him. I have to go to work now, but when I get home I am gonna re-read your post and let it sink in. Thanks again for your counsel, it really helps.

[prayercloth sis]

Just wanted you to know....i am praying for you all....and I am far from perfect, I just wanted to share some things I had learned and some things that had worked for me.......

I mean no disrespect towards anyone...just sharing...and sending love and prayers your way...

we all have unique & very talented and special children and what works for one may not work for another...

Since I have three I have to be creative....and I have to remember they are becoming a unique individual and I have to respect that as well as parent them....

Parenting is the toughest job I have ever held....but I know it's worth it all...especially when we all get to Heaven....it will definitely be worth it all...



Hello Rhonie. Thank you for your perspective, I think it is very wise advice. Yesterday when Richard(the one who wanted to divorce us) was at school, I took some time in prayer then wrote him a note. I told him I knew sometimes even small things can seem huge when your feeling overwelmed. I told him I loved him very much and that is why we are raising him with the rules we have. There was more but that was the jist of it. When he got home after he read the note he didn't say anything but I could sense the change in him. I have to go to work now, but when I get home I am gonna re-read your post and let it sink in. Thanks again for your counsel, it really helps.

[allyoop]

Oh, I did not sense any disrespect-not at all! I really think there is wisdom in your words. And I know what you mean about being creative! Parenting is the toughest job ever--and parenting teens, well, what's tougher than toughest??:)

[allyoop]

Rhonie, if your'e out there I could really use your prayer. Something new everyday. This time involving our oldest daughter, in addition to everything else.
ally

[prayercloth sis]

Rhonie, if your'e out there I could really use your prayer. Something new everyday. This time involving our oldest daughter, in addition to everything else.
ally


I am here...and praying for you....and believing God to move in....and allow peace and love and fun and happiness to saturate you lives...

In Jesus name amen..

[calalily]

Man, did I ever stumble on this thread in the right time frame! I am raising my nephew & have been since he was 11 (now 13). He's been through a lot & raising him thusfar has been a rollercoaster ride. Just today, I got a phone call from the school about him receiving his 4th disciplinary action & getting isolation due to calling his teacher a name & being out & out disrespectful to him. I have yet to get all of the details. So far though, it's exhausting. One more disciplinary & he will get suspended. He's already been moved to what they call alternative school due to fighting/disciplinary problems. It seems as though no matter what I do to correct him, discipline or ground him, take away privileges or give rewards for the right behavior, nothing works. Lately he participates randomly in school & picks & choses what he wants to do. His grades are terrible. Thank God there has been no alcohol or drug issues, but his behavior is awful. We go to counseling weekly & just last night I spent time with him talking to him about respecting authority & reading from the Word. Last night he was being so sweet saying "yes maam, no maam" & even volunteering to help out. Just when I think he's about to head in the right direction. Now this! aaaarrrrggghhh! I am so worried about his future! prayer please? his name is Koty.

[bajagill]

Man, did I ever stumble on this thread in the right time frame! I am raising my nephew & have been since he was 11 (now 13). He's been through a lot & raising him thusfar has been a rollercoaster ride. Just today, I got a phone call from the school about him receiving his 4th disciplinary action & getting isolation due to calling his teacher a name & being out & out disrespectful to him. I have yet to get all of the details. So far though, it's exhausting. One more disciplinary & he will get suspended. He's already been moved to what they call alternative school due to fighting/disciplinary problems. It seems as though no matter what I do to correct him, discipline or ground him, take away privileges or give rewards for the right behavior, nothing works. Lately he participates randomly in school & picks & choses what he wants to do. His grades are terrible. Thank God there has been no alcohol or drug issues, but his behavior is awful. We go to counseling weekly & just last night I spent time with him talking to him about respecting authority & reading from the Word. Last night he was being so sweet saying "yes maam, no maam" & even volunteering to help out. Just when I think he's about to head in the right direction. Now this! aaaarrrrggghhh! I am so worried about his future! prayer please? his name is Koty.

^^^\o/^^^ praying for you and Koty calalily. Lord bend his knee to you.....

Keep trying, don't give up even though that sometimes seems the thing to do. Maybe go back and re-read this thread again, as I'm sure you probably have already, you might be able to glean some nuggets you may have missed before. God bless

[calalily]

Thank you so much! I am never giving up. Sometimes it pays to be stubborn doesn't it? :)

[bajagill]

:d ;)

[prayercloth sis]

When things get this serious, I usually fast and pray for three days....some things come only through fasting...try to get him involved in a good sport, boy scouts and definitly a youth group with a large church....

Keep caring, loving, talking and we are praying with you...

Rhonie

[rossid]

Oh and for months when everyone asks how it is going I always say something about teenagers.

It is as much a slam on my teens as it is a joke.

Terrible to say.

Choice of friends is the one particular downfall. But school and church are the same issues y'all are probably dealing with in one way or another.

[prayercloth sis]

people they are working with too...

[Bonnie_Ty]

All of my kids are past their teens. WE SURVIVED!!! There were times that I never thought we would, but we did. I guess that's hope for those of you who are struggling right now? The Word is true, what we sow we reap. When we train them up, they come back. Two of my three have come back; I'm waiting on my last one now...

It's definitely not easy to raise teens...

[bajagill]

Absolutely Bonnie ty, when they come back it is such a rush of joy! Our 21 yr old is coming around to the fact that she is supposed to be involved in missions (again). Amen!

[Bonnie_Ty]

That is awesome!!! Praise God!!!

[prayercloth sis]

Just some thoughts....and asking for prayer...love ya...
Rhonie

As a Mom of three teens....one in college, one a Sr. in High School and one in Jr. High....
My thoughts, plans, goals, dreams have gotten lost along the way...putting my chidlren first...
As they get older and I get older I find that I am not satisfied with the returns if you will...I put more in than I get back, which is disheartening to say the least...

All the things I give up for them and all the things I have put aside for their welfare, education, goals and dreams...seem to have at this moment, to be taken for granted....

I have been vacariously living through them....pushing aside my goals, and dreams...wanting the very best for them and trying to give it to them....

I find myself today in a place that has overwhelmed me from time to time in the last 3 years....I am simply not satisfied with my life...

I want to be appreciated and loved. I want someone to ask me how my day went and really care when they do. I want "someone" to say thank you for being home every day when I get there....or I missed you...or it's good to see you....thanks for helping with my homework...thanks for helping me with the job application....Mom I couldn't have done it without you...Mom, you are always there for me...just every once in a while...how sweet those words would sound coming from one of my children...

Do I love my children? Yes, with all my heart! Would I do anything for them? Yes in a heartbeat...Do I regret being a "most of the time-stay at home Mom"? No, because if I hadn't we wouldn't have the relationships that we have...and I know where they are and what they are doing and who they are hanging out with...etc...I am a part of their lives, as well a parent should be...

I find myself putting things aside and making all they do first...with no thought to my wants, needs and desires....and at this stage in my life...it is becoming very unfulfilling as I see in more ways than one, that they do not appreciate me....not at this time in their lives...they don't appreciate the sacrifices I have made, or the time and energy I spend looking out for their best interest....it's as if their actions say...I deserve it....and you deserve nothing...even when they hurt my feelings and I cry...they don't seem to care anymore...and I have to wonder, where have I failed...what was it again I was staying at home working for...

As my prayers begin to expound...I am reminded that emotions and feelings will betray you....for they change from one moment to the next....a child may say one thing one moment...and in the next their mind is on to somehting else...as with adults...
As a parent I tend to dwell on the negative times and try to examine and figure it all out...make some type of understanding from it all....when indeed...I should just put it under the blood, pray through and move on...because they do...sometimes without a second thought...

I teach them to apologize and to treat others the way you want to be treated....from the time they were born....I have put my heart and soul in to their raising, but eventually.....they have to make their own choices and live with them...
Guess you can tell, my heart hurts at the moment...but in time, this too shall pass....

in case any of you children actually take time to read this...Mom is a person, with dreams, and desires, and goals and plans too....although she puts you first there is a person inside her that is youthful and fun and likes many of the things you like...Mom's have deep feelings...because you came from within her body...she is forever connected to you...in body and in soul...and your words and actions can lift her spirits to soar as the eagles...or trample heart into millions of pieces...young people...parents are just young people with a few years on them...trying to do the best they can...and wanting a little love from their children along the way...hope you can find it in your heart...to tell you Mom and Dad....hey I mess up and hurt you, but I will always love you....sure hope I hear it soon....
just some thoughts..
Rhonie

[kiwisongbird]

Yeah, me too... I've stayed at home all these years as well, and homeschooled my kids... now I'm just tired and want to go to work full time so I don't have to work so hard!!! I think it would be easier teaching someone else's kids rather than my own!!! My 16 year old is weird to me... one minute he is arrogant and nasty and treating me like I'm totally thick and the next he's a sweet little boy wanting a snuggle with his mum!!! I want to be free, I want to fly, I want to travel, I want to sing, I want so many things... But you know the hardest thing I think is that when they are so hormonal, growing up and changing so much with all those male hormones flying around... I'm super hormonal as well - beginning my journey toward the change of life stuff - arrgggghhhh!!!!! Some days I think the dragon lady in me takes over completely! My kids are ok though, they do hug me and love on me and apologise when they need to (well, sometimes)... guess we just have to keep on loving them and letting them know that not matter how they treat us, we love them...... :) :) keep on keeping sistuh! :)

[allyoop]

My 16 year old is weird to me... one minute he is arrogant and nasty and treating me like I'm totally thick and the next he's a sweet little boy wanting a snuggle with his mum!!! I want to be free, I want to fly, I want to travel, I want to sing, I want so many things... But you know the hardest thing I think is that when they are so hormonal, growing up and changing so much with all those male hormones flying around... I'm super hormonal as well - beginning my journey toward the change of life stuff - arrgggghhhh!!!!! Some days I think the dragon lady in me takes over completely! My kids are ok though, they do hug me and love on me and apologise when they need to (well, sometimes)... guess we just have to keep on loving them and letting them know that not matter how they treat us, we love them...... keep on keeping sistuh!


Ditto everything you said---and Rhonie, I feel like my life right now is pretty much how you are feeling now. Will pray for all of us mothers:)

[kiwisongbird]

Of course I actually meant "keep on keeping on sistuh!" My darling boy is fine if I NEVER ask him to do anything, if I dare ask then it's a battle - gotta stop writing about it, feel myself tensing up just thinking about it... ah well, not too much longer to go, but then my fourteen year old will be 16, then when he's done my 12 year old will be 16!!!!!!! oh well only a few more years to go... :)

[Salome]

My Dear Lovely Sisters ...... now I know why I received this not once, but twice in one week!! :) Because God knew I needed to share it with you.


The Invisible Mother


It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously, not.

No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? & Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England

Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe.

I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:

'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.

It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my daughter to tell the friend she's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want her to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to her friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot see if we're doing it right.

And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM!

[kiwisongbird]

Thanks, that's wonderful... I'm so very selfish and know that being a mum helps with that, people I know who aren't parents are quite different in many ways as they have not often had to ever consider another person... sometimes I just feel like all I do is cook and boss kids around... not really the lifestyle I would have chosen if I could have tailor made one for myself! :) :) Ah well.... :) :)

[prayercloth sis]

Yeah, me too... I've stayed at home all these years as well, and homeschooled my kids... now I'm just tired and want to go to work full time so I don't have to work so hard!!! I think it would be easier teaching someone else's kids rather than my own!!! My 16 year old is weird to me... one minute he is arrogant and nasty and treating me like I'm totally thick and the next he's a sweet little boy wanting a snuggle with his mum!!! I want to be free, I want to fly, I want to travel, I want to sing, I want so many things... But you know the hardest thing I think is that when they are so hormonal, growing up and changing so much with all those male hormones flying around... I'm super hormonal as well - beginning my journey toward the change of life stuff - arrgggghhhh!!!!! Some days I think the dragon lady in me takes over completely! My kids are ok though, they do hug me and love on me and apologise when they need to (well, sometimes)... guess we just have to keep on loving them and letting them know that not matter how they treat us, we love them...... :) :) keep on keeping sistuh! :)

Dear sister...you have read my book...lol...

the hormone thing on both accounts...with you....i guess i get my feelings hurt easily....

I can identify with the hugging one minute and the next...total chaos...

this too shall pass...so glad i have friends like you to encourage me through the battle of the hormones...lol...

one day i will look back and miss it all i am sure...as i did with the potty training and the lunches and backpacks...

but as of today...Britt owes me big time...lol...had to write an essay for a scholarship he was applying for...and he conveniently forgot it was due today....go figure...if we get the scholarship...i will let you know how well I DID!!!

His classes this semester go all day long on Thursday...just started this week he's still in last semesters hours i guess...even the oldest Griff had his hours changes at college...so we are all in a pickle until we get it all figured out...

thanks for the encouragement...and love and prayers...you are such a blessing..

Rhonie

[prayercloth sis]

My Dear Lovely Sisters ...... now I know why I received this not once, but twice in one week!! :) Because God knew I needed to share it with you.


The Invisible Mother


It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?' Obviously, not.

No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? & Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.'

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England

Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe.

I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:

'To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:

No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.

These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life.

It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on.

The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my daughter to tell the friend she's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My Mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want her to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to her friend, to add, 'you're gonna love it there.'

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot see if we're doing it right.

And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Great Job, MOM!





Thanks soooo much...really needed to hear that...my eyes are filled with tears....yes, God allowed you to post it here to minister exactly to me....and you have.....and i will never forget it....this truly meant so much....God Bless you...my dear Thrid Day friend...for you are truly a blessing to me this day...and i thank God for you...

love hugs and prayers
Rhonie
Rhonie

[Salome]

Rhonie, I'm glad it encouraged you as much as it did me. Big Hugs to you and the other moms of teenagers here!!

[bajagill]

As a dad I can really appreciate it too.... at times though, we wonder about knocking the whole thing over and starting again (think about it, not do it). Then the lil' stinkers go and do something that makes is feel like busting the buttons off our shirts with pride and think, "Gee, we weren't wasting our time, they were paying attention after all! " Thanks Salome

[Salome]

You're more than welcome bajagill. Glad to be able to encourage a Brother too!! :)

[rossid]

Please pray for our 16 y.o. Angelo.



a high school friend who still has undue negative influence on his life
not going to church because he "does not fit in"
classes at school and college
types of music he listens too
types of movies he watches
types of books he reads


Thanks!

Doriano

[Salome]

Will absolutely be praying for Angelo.

[rossid]

Kewl!!!

[sandie]

Praying for Angelo, D.

Can I make the comment that many teens are rebellious at about 15 to 17 years. It's part of growing up and becoming independent. Michael certainly had a lot of attitude, and had an internal suspension for being rude to a teacher, and wagged school to play on the internet. Now he manages a clothing store and is impatient with a 16 year old who won't work hard, so it's come full circle. He's told her that "it's my way or the highway." He's also quite a nice, caring young man at the age of 22. :)

I guess I'm saying that if you wait it out, the training you and Becky have put into him will probably win through as he matures and makes choices.

[rossid]

Yes you can make that comment and it is appreciated since we also have a 14 y.o. and two others under that age.

[3D NC fan]

I agree with Sandra. My daughter gave us so much trouble at 16, but she is now a mature young lady with 2 children. Mom used to say that I gave them no trouble until I became a teenager and temporarily lost my mind. :D

[ExtravagantlyLoved]

If I may add my two cents, since I am neither over the age of thirty nor a parent ;)....

My parents may have a different perspective on this, but from what I remember from about the age of 15 - 17, I didn't feel very rebellious. I just felt very confused. And I got depressed. I think that may have had a lot to do with my life at the time and all the things that were happening. Hormones, I'm sure played a part. But I bring this up just to say that while rebellion is common, it won't necessarily happen all the time. All of you have been teenagers, so you know how hard it is, and it manifests itself in everyone a different way. So, expect some weird stuff to happen, but it may not be quite so tough in every situation.

[prayercloth sis]

Please pray for our 16 y.o. Angelo.



a high school friend who still has undue negative influence on his life
not going to church because he "does not fit in"
classes at school and college
types of music he listens too
types of movies he watches
types of books he reads


Thanks!

Doriano


Hey D

It does get better....my son is about to turn 18 in March...just be consistent.....mine had to go whether they liked it or not...(to church) this seemed to help than leaving him home.....although it wasn't always a bed of roses....just keep talking and encouraging...and praying...and being nosey....they really want guidelines...although they say they "know everything".....keep the lines of communication open...laugh joke...try not to stress over everything....some things aren't worth the fight...but stand up for the big ones and don't give in....

my 16 year put me through it...but he did listen even when i thought he wasn't....and i just simply didn't encourage the bad school friends and co workers....kept getting him to go to youth services and hang out with church kids...even though they aren't perfect either...no where near liek the others...

pray, and when things seem as it's worst...i fasted and prayed....sending you love, prayers and hugs...

and they still liked to be hugged, even if they say they don't...and they still like positive feed back...on things they do right....so hold on...it's just the hormones...and trying to grow up....just keep trining him up in the way he should go and when he grows old he will not depart from it...

Rhonie

[prayercloth sis]

If I may add my two cents, since I am neither over the age of thirty nor a parent ;)....

My parents may have a different perspective on this, but from what I remember from about the age of 15 - 17, I didn't feel very rebellious. I just felt very confused. And I got depressed. I think that may have had a lot to do with my life at the time and all the things that were happening. Hormones, I'm sure played a part. But I bring this up just to say that while rebellion is common, it won't necessarily happen all the time. All of you have been teenagers, so you know how hard it is, and it manifests itself in everyone a different way. So, expect some weird stuff to happen, but it may not be quite so tough in every situation.


Well said, my sons went through a minor time of depression...just unsure of what the future holds...as far as graduating...and going to college...and holding down a job...etc....you are right it'svery scary...

and just to share a lil....my goal at that age was to be a lazy beach bum and play volleyball...that's about it....i was tired of teachers, stupid kids in school, and and school.....and people in authority over me all the time...i so have paid for my raising........I know i put alot of grey in my parents hair...i had a lot of anger...confusion, frustration on what to do after school....my counselors...were too involved in adultery to help anyone..and my older sisters were pressuring me...to get out of my parents house....so much was going on.....

The way the world and schools are today...our teens go through way much more.....so i am praying for all our teens...and parents...we face things today that wasn't even around back then....

Thanks for the comment...good info..
Rhonie

[rossid]

I need to fly by and say praise God from whom all blessings flow!!

Had a LONG talk with Angelo about church and stuff...

:D

[Salome]

Praise God!! Thanks for sharing.

[rossid]

http://www.thirdday.com/boards/showthread.php?p=1865439# post1865439

Please pray.

[rossid]

All is well after the last few days of stuff.

[prayercloth sis]

Just had to share with you all....last weekend...on Sunday night the power of God moved in an awesome way.....

a young man named Kyle...received the baptism of the Holy Ghost for the first time.....and the floodgates...broke and most of our youth....prayed harder than ever before...

my son Britt....prayed so hard...and was filled up and overflowing with the power of the Holy Ghost as well as my oldest son Griffin and My baby girl Elisa.....

God is so good....just had to share...i am a happy Momma....God truly answers our prayers....

Thanks for all the support and prayers everyone...they have meant so much....May God Bless you and your precious families....
Rhonie:P

[rossid]

That is great Rhonie!!!

Pray for my son who wants to recite an Allah-inspired poem for solo drama competition. We made it very clear to him what our beliefs and feelings are about this and would not let him print it at home.

[allyoop]

Please pray for my 15 year-old son Richard. He is drifting further each day. Major communication breakdown. It's like he can't stand my husband and I. :(

[iLoVeJeSuS23]

Hey everyone.. Pray for my brother..
he's struggling alot in school and might not pass this year..
he's a junior and having alot of problems and im worried about him alot..
so keep him in mind :)
thanks so much :)

[Salome]

Will definitely be praying for Richard and also your brother.

[prayercloth sis]

That is great Rhonie!!!

Pray for my son who wants to recite an Allah-inspired poem for solo drama competition. We made it very clear to him what our beliefs and feelings are about this and would not let him print it at home.

agreeing with you in prayer and binding any deceiving spirits that would come against him in Jesus name and losing The Holy Spirit to draw him closer to Jesus...

keep me updated...
Rhonie

[prayercloth sis]

Please pray for my 15 year-old son Richard. He is drifting further each day. Major communication breakdown. It's like he can't stand my husband and I. :(

I have gone through the similar...and just when i think it's over...it happens over again...

it last about 3 years it seems or it was with my older son...i just kept the communication lines open...showed lots of love...tried recognize they are people too...and trying to mature...although sometimes they don't do it so well....

and just remember...feelings change from second to second...we cannot trust our feelings or theirs....they are in the midst of a range of emotions..trying to grow up...spread their wings and fly...and they haven't learned to stand yet...

just pray, keep the faith...keep them in church any way you can...talk to them...try for one on one...allow them to talk...but with respect only...
and remember...this too shall pass...

it's just a season of emotions, testosterone...doubt, fear, frustration and temptation and pressure....

We have to rise above it all...by the grace of God...not get caught up in the wildfire....and stay with the Holy GHost fire...read his word, pray and hold on....you can make it...and your relationship will be stronger in the end...

praying and sending love and hugs...
Rhonie

[prayercloth sis]

Hey everyone.. Pray for my brother..
he's struggling alot in school and might not pass this year..
he's a junior and having alot of problems and im worried about him alot..
so keep him in mind :)
thanks so much :)


praying in Jesus name...God would encourage him to do his best, send good influences to encourage and help....remember...tutori ng helps...we have been there....sometimes...summ er school will get them back on track...and lot's of love, and positive reenforcement helps...and hugs...

praying he applies himself...and the Lord strengthens him academically, spiritually and physically in Jesus name amen..

Rhonie

[rossid]

I went to the speech contest and he qualified for sub-state in both areas.

So now one step forward: he went to small group Sunday nite and it was over two hours long!

Now two steps back: he did not go to school yesterday morning. He went to see Watchmen against our wishes. He came home around 11 pm and did not go to school this morning.

Took his cell phone and he has no computer today.

What to do...

[DareDevil]

I went to the speech contest and he qualified for sub-state in both areas.

So now one step forward: he went to small group Sunday nite and it was over two hours long!

Now two steps back: he did not go to school yesterday morning. He went to see Watchmen against our wishes. He came home around 11 pm and did not go to school this morning.

Took his cell phone and he has no computer today.

What to do...
1) Does he have problems with teacher(s)?
2) Does he have problems with other kids at school? / Might he be bullied?
3) Could it be that he has friends who have a bad influence on him?
4) Could drugs be involved?
5) Is he under too much pressure in one or more subjects?
6) Could it be that he has a problem like dyslexia or ADHD?
7) Could it be that he is "just" going through a phase of rebellion where he does simply no longer want to be a perfect son?
8) And last but not least: Could it be that he is so talented, that school is simply way too boring for him?

[prayercloth sis]

I went to the speech contest and he qualified for sub-state in both areas.

So now one step forward: he went to small group Sunday nite and it was over two hours long!

Now two steps back: he did not go to school yesterday morning. He went to see Watchmen against our wishes. He came home around 11 pm and did not go to school this morning.

Took his cell phone and he has no computer today.

What to do...



Just wanted to share with you that...the enemy wants us to believe it's 2 steps back...but we have to look at it like this...it could have been alot worse...he could have never came home...or even worse...

do your best to keep the communication open, teach and train him in the word...for when they grow old...they will not depart from it...God's word doesn't lie...so keep on...

remember they need quiet time alone and just to be with folks their age...they also need correction...and lot's of HUGS>>>>

even when you don't think they do...never trust your emotions or his...they change from one moment to the next...remember he's learning to communicate...and hasn't learned how to express himself...and feel comfortable doing so....so his does it with actions...try not to be so strict....that they can't do anything right...give as much positive feed back as you do "what they call negative and we call correction"...they need to know they do make mistakes...and realize...we are blessed...there are alot of kids their ages killing folks...and on drugs...and much much more...

They are just trying their best to handle their emotions...figure out life...plan for the future...finish school...pass tests...fit in ....please you, please God...yet be cool....all just one teen...doing all these things at once...so they have feelings of frustration, anger, and because they can't control life...they want no authority over them...it's just a confusing, emotional, physical growing up time...that young boys are trying to become a man...and that doesn't come overnight...it takes years...take them out to eat...or go fishing alone with them...one on one...let them initiate teh conversation...they may need to be with you without talking...long drives together...with the music turned up...find something that you both like and do it together as often as you can...and don't be afraid to try new things...take them to a NEwsboys concert...and out to eat...just sharing some things that have worked for me...laughter works well...

They are under so much pressure...these days...to fit in, have sex, be a christian, get an education, go to college...be successful...dress cool...have a great personality...go to the right places...hang out with the right crowd....please the parents, do the chores....pass this semester...study ...do the homework....get the right haircut...prom...drs. license....the list goes on....not to mention drugs...and other things we don't want them getting into....

it's tough time...but THEY ARE WORTH IT!!!!!!!!and they need to hear that from you....if you could get a family night...such as games...and stuff idk...but i am praying...and agreeing with you in prayer....keep the faith...you both will make it!

Rhonie

[prayercloth sis]

Well the anger is back....please pray for me and Brittian...tough day...he turned 18 saturday...nothing i did was right...of course...my head hurts and my heart is broken...please pray...

this too shall pass...hopefully quickly...

love ya'll...
Rhonie

[rossid]

A week late but prayed...

\o/

[ZooKeeper]

I just found this thread and hope it's not too late to offer encouragement. We have 11 children and have gone through the heartbreak of having a rebellious child. We are still in the midst praying and hoping we will one day having a success story and be able to help others know how to help their young adults. The most helpful resources we have used are

The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo
Shepherding the Heart of a Child by Ted Tripp
Most videos by S.M. Davis (don't let your youth watch "What to Expect from Your 20 year old" - Some friends made that mistake and their young folk misconstrued some things, not good.
Anything by Micheal and Debi Pearl, No Greater Joy Ministries


Here's a series on "Jumping Ship" that helped us quite a bit - be sure to check out the rest of the website and subscribe to their free newsletter:

http://www.nogreaterjoy.org/articles/child-training/teens/article-display/archive/2005/may/09/jumping-ship/

HTH!

[HPE89]

The most helpful resources we have used are

The Heart of Anger by Lou Priolo
Shepherding the Heart of a Child by Ted Tripp
Most videos by S.M. Davis (don't let your youth watch "What to Expect from Your 20 year old" - Some friends made that mistake and their young folk misconstrued some things, not good.
Anything by Micheal and Debi Pearl, No Greater Joy Ministries




HTH!


We have 10 kids in our family, and I believe my Mom has used a lot of the materials mentioned here! :)

[ZooKeeper]

We have 10 kids in our family, and I believe my Mom has used a lot of the materials mentioned here! :)

And how did you and your siblings turn out...in your opinion? I love big families!

[HPE89]

And how did you and your siblings turn out...in your opinion? I love big families!


GREAT!!! :D No really though, everyone says we're great...(you asked!):)
I love big families too!

[ZooKeeper]

GREAT!!! :D No really though, everyone says we're great...(you asked!):)
I love big families too!

LOL! I thought as much (or I wouldn't have asked!)

[rossid]

Winter Formal

The boy is my son. The girl is not my daughter. :D

It is 1.64M and needs to be 100G.

Let me work on it.

[prayercloth sis]

Thanks for all the prayers....

Rhonie

[allyoop]

So last night my family saw Third Day in Corona (AWESOME SHOW!) 2 of my teen sons have gotten into serious trouble in the last week. My son Richard did not want to go last night. He told us how absurd and ridiculous(he did not use those words) it was. He sulked in his chair the entire show. I know the rest of my family was blessed, even his brother who also has been in serious trouble. I just said a prayer that the message Third Day proclaimed would pierce Richard's heart. We'll see. I know I was tremendously blessed.

[ZooKeeper]

So last night my family saw Third Day in Corona (AWESOME SHOW!) 2 of my teen sons have gotten into serious trouble in the last week. My son Richard did not want to go last night. He told us how absurd and ridiculous(he did not use those words) it was. He sulked in his chair the entire show. I know the rest of my family was blessed, even his brother who also has been in serious trouble. I just said a prayer that the message Third Day proclaimed would pierce Richard's heart. We'll see. I know I was tremendously blessed.

Sulking during a 3D concert? From previous experience w/ a rebel, that sounds like the Holy Spirit doing His Thing - be encouraged. He wouldn't be troubled during a Third Day concert if conviction of some kind wasn't going on.

[rossid]

Pray for Angelo as he has been depressed for maybe a day and a half. We called the counselor with whom he has had two visits. Upon his advice, really a no brainer, we need to get to the pediatrician or a specialist for possible medication.

[ZooKeeper]

Pray for Angelo as he has been depressed for maybe a day and a half. We called the counselor with whom he has had two visits. Upon his advice, really a no brainer, we need to get to the pediatrician or a specialist for possible medication.

Commencing praying. Keep us posted!

[rossid]

Praise THE Lord!

The physician's assistant at the psychiatrist's office said something like perhaps unipolar and that no medication was needed.

He'll be seeing a therapist, needs to exercies, add fish oil(?), etc.

[prayercloth sis]

IT does my heart good to know that parents come to this thread and encourage one another...

Just wanted to share with everyone that my family is doing fantastic....

thanks to the Lord, and the power of the sweet Holy Ghost...and a lil fasting..lol

God has moved in a mighty way on more than one occasion since i have posted here...

The Lord has moved on all my children's heart in several services lately....and they all are praying through to the power of the Holy Ghost on a regular basis....

I am so thankful God understand and cares....and hears our cried for our children....and I am so very thankful for my Third Day Family who has encouraged me, and prayed with me and for me and my family .....

Lately we have been ministering in music at several youth rallies and youth services....and seeing an awesome outpouring of the Holy Ghost...

I will be uploading more pics to our myspace account this evening...if anyone is interested in seeing what God is doing and wants to be encouraged...

some are on www.myspace.com/btgap....and from there...you can click on my personal page under friends and see my photos as well...

The power of prayer still works...God is using and blessing our teens more than ever....we had 58 in attendance last Friday night...which is awesome...and we are believing for many many more...

just had to come share some of the good things God is doing for me...Be encouraged in the Lord....and know that he is GOD...

and with God all things are possible....so believe!!!

hugs
Rhonie

[firestone]

i need freedom!:eek: :eek: :eek:

























-------------------------------
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[Bonnie_Ty]

i need freedom!:eek: :eek: :eek:

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LOL! It'll be there for you before you know it...

[Evanescence]

I have seen a distrubing trend in ALL parents/kids....SPOILING. My friend is old school...50 yrs old construction worker, dad was a farmer, WWI vet, family comes from hard working etc etc.

His daughter is a lazy, text message addicted, Internet addict bum...lazy as can be.

He does nothing about it...and thinks she is fine. He rewards her with "anything goes" becuase she has a job washing dishes and is on the honor roll. She's 14.

he doesnt know it...but, I know that they caught her with pot...

She got 2 weeks grounded...no texting/cell internet, Myspace etc etc.

He's taking away things she SHOULD NOT have anyway....they're addictions.

Parents are allwoing their kids to have BAD habits...and allowing them leisures and lazy habits...that will carry on with their lives.

Women, are you teaching your girls to cook and take care of their room/house/stuff? Will your daughter take pride in her home? Taking care of her husband and kids?

Guys...same thing?

These gadgets and technology is VERY addicitng and even the best Christian upbringing can be tainted by said addictions.

My buddies daughter bragged how she sent 6000 texts last month. Anyone think thats cool?

Then, there's this bi-polar, depression stuff. While some of it is for real...i think A LOT of it is from stress in the home and school...and from not having a stable household..and being spoiled.

Meds? Nope...i think a good size 10 boot in the arse will do just as good....

Teens will be ornery....so parents....be good friends first, parents 2nd...if you act like an old fart, pain in the butt...you'll only make things worse. And remember....a teens greatest desire is FREEDOM....

Use it to your advantage...

Thank you, goodnight :cool:

[rossid]

Then I want to take the 17 y.o.'s cell and he has a HUGE breakdown.

Certainly there are other factors but we decide it is better to let him keep it?

???

Today was my problem for condemning one of my 15 y.o.'s friends for dropping an f-bomb in his Merry Xmas thread. Using Ephesians 4:29 about not letting unwholesome things come out of your mouth set him off. The phrase was used by me out of context - Paul is speaking to believers. This person is in his high school and probably devoid of faith.

How can baby girl be celebrating her last non-teen Xmas?

So we have been very blessed lately all around.

[Evanescence]

My kid will be taught that kids that mess with texting and cells phones as entertainment-- nonsense...are fools and idiots. They wont want them...at least not at age 10.

Once he/she reaches 16, they can have one...VERY limited useage...if they go over their minutes, they pay for them...mess up..it gets taken away.

Parents who let their 10 yr old have ell phones are VERY irrespnosible and gallable. They're gateways into a secret life for your kid..and the begiining of an addiction to non-sense...

[rossid]

The two older boys have had phones for one year, so ages 14 and 16, and lived with TracFones for one year prior.

12 y.o. has hand-me-down Trac from Becky when we finally did the math and got her a phone a month ago.

[Evanescence]

Its a lifestyle...society/business has forced us into think we need these things...they're easily abused and not necessary. Video games, Internet, TV and cells/texting are all vices that make a person lazy....kids dont have the discipline....