Johnny 59
07-12-2007, 06:19 PM
God was missing for six days. Eventually, Michael, the archangel, found him, resting on the seventh day.
He inquired, "Where have you been?"
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."
God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"
"That's Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, carriers of peace, and producers of software."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance."
God smiled, "There is another Washington. Wait till you see the idiots I put there."
Chinese Name confusion.
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to
me. Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan!
It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But
what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was
involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being
sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital,
then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but
I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry . Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree.
Three pastors took a day off and decided to go fishing after a busy
Sunday. They agreed its so difficult preaching to people all the
time and no one preaches to them. Sitting by the river with little
response from the hooks one pastor thought of sharing his heart
with others.
He said "Guys its rare to get such an opportunity to
be among ourselves like this. It would be good if we look into our
lives and help each other with our weaknesses". They all agreed to
this. This pastor said "Gentlemen I need help! The people in my
church give a lot of money every week. I started taking little by
little but now I take a big chunk. I can't stop stealing from the
church please pray for me. The day they will find out I will be
fired!"
Another pastor said "Brothers your sins are better than
mine! I have slept with every woman in the church including married
women. As I preach my eyes hover over the congregation looking for
the next prey. If this is discovered people will not fire me, they
will kill me!" The last pastor's feet were shaking as they were
talking. They thought he had a big story to tell. He stood up and
said "My brothers, my problem is gossip! I can't sit anymore. I
have to share this! I will be back!"
He inquired, "Where have you been?"
God smiled deeply and proudly pointed downwards through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled, and said, "What is it?"
"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to call it Earth and it's going to be a place to test Balance."
"Balance?" inquired Michael, "I'm still confused."
God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example, northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, while southern Europe is going to be poor. Over here I've placed a continent of white people, and over there is a continent of black people. Balance in all things."
God continued pointing to different countries. "This one will be extremely hot, while this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land area and said, "What's that one?"
"That's Washington State, the most glorious place on earth. There are beautiful mountains, rivers and streams, lakes, forests, hills, and plains. The people from Washington State are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent, and humorous, and they are going to travel the world. They will be extremely sociable, hardworking, high achieving, and they will be known throughout the world as diplomats, carriers of peace, and producers of software."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then asked, "But what about balance, God? You said there would be balance."
God smiled, "There is another Washington. Wait till you see the idiots I put there."
Chinese Name confusion.
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan?
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: Yes I understand you want to speak to anyone. You can speak to
me. Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan. And I need to talk to Annie Wan!
It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But
what's this urgent matter about?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noe Wan was
involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being
sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look, if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital,
then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but
I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Ree.
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry . Now give me your name!!
Operator: That's what I said. I'm Saw Ree.
Three pastors took a day off and decided to go fishing after a busy
Sunday. They agreed its so difficult preaching to people all the
time and no one preaches to them. Sitting by the river with little
response from the hooks one pastor thought of sharing his heart
with others.
He said "Guys its rare to get such an opportunity to
be among ourselves like this. It would be good if we look into our
lives and help each other with our weaknesses". They all agreed to
this. This pastor said "Gentlemen I need help! The people in my
church give a lot of money every week. I started taking little by
little but now I take a big chunk. I can't stop stealing from the
church please pray for me. The day they will find out I will be
fired!"
Another pastor said "Brothers your sins are better than
mine! I have slept with every woman in the church including married
women. As I preach my eyes hover over the congregation looking for
the next prey. If this is discovered people will not fire me, they
will kill me!" The last pastor's feet were shaking as they were
talking. They thought he had a big story to tell. He stood up and
said "My brothers, my problem is gossip! I can't sit anymore. I
have to share this! I will be back!"