Advice needed...family crisis...

[Evanescence]

So, my mom and dad have always been eccentric and, well, very selfish IMO. Some of you may disagree, but I think so.

Last Thurs, my mother called to inform me that my dad was going to work on Sat. rather than attend my wifes graduation....Masters year. They knew of this about 5 weeks ago. I hit the roof. Respectfully, I told her that that was NOT an option and they MUST be here on sat morning, 7:30 am sharp.

Sat comes....no phone calls, nothing. They don't show up on sat morning. My wife is devastated and hurt. I'm embarrased and have to explain to my in-laws. No communication on Sat night or Sunday. Today i called my parents house and left a message that went like this:

"Hi mom and dad, its me. I'm not sure what happened last week...with dad's idea to work, or no one showing up, but what happened this weekend was NOT right. My wife and I have been dis-honored and deserve an apology. There will be no BS phone call or half-cocked "Im sorry"...left on an answering machine when we aren't here...rather you two will come here and apologize face to face, eye to eye to my wife. For once in your lives you will learn the meaning of respect, family and honor. I love you, but what happened this weekend...unless someone died or there was an emergancy, was selfish and not right. Goodbye."

My dad calls tonight trying to BS his way out of it as usual. I cut him off and told him that he and my mother will apologize face to face or I don't want to speak to them, unless its an emergency.

I'm about ready to disown my parents. I take this stuff....life and family very seriously and they do NOT. I've been physically ill.....and I don't get that way unless I am really pushed.

So, would some of you be ticked if this happened to you? BTW- it was a nice spring day and they are not that old they couldnt go. They just weren't serious about it. This isn't the first case like this. You wouldn't believe the stuff I've dealt with over the years...but they think its my problem if I'm hurt.

Let me leave some of you with this. My mother is Catholic...here is a direct quote....said MANY times from her:

"I don't need to go to confession. I don't do anything wrong to anyone. I don't do bad things."

Thoughts?

[kiwisongbird]

Aw E, that's really stink... and sad when you think of how many families are not able to share special events with each other because of distance, illness and other circumstances.

I don't know how it's been for you, but have two different opinions on this - kinda opposite...

First, sounds like your tough love approach will be the best thing...

Secondly, there is the Christian forgiveness thing...

So, really what I'm saying is that I'll pray and that you just need to seek what God wants in this matter - cos that will be the best thing.

Wish I could give you and your wife a huuuuuuuuuge hug - please pass one on to her from me.

Blessings,
Sharon :)

[mindyhere]

My condolences - because I know exactly what you're going through. My parents are the same way.

I think what you did was brave. Me - I've just learned to live with the fact that my parents are not me and never will be. I realize that I can't make them show up to dinners and parties on time, and can't force them to be accountable. It only hurts me in the end - and I got tired of feeling let down.

I really hope this all works out for you - it's hard to deal with - I understand how you feel. And hopefully your wife isn't taking it personally.

[Evanescence]

My condolences - because I know exactly what you're going through. My parents are the same way.

I think what you did was brave. Me - I've just learned to live with the fact that my parents are not me and never will be. I realize that I can't make them show up to dinners and parties on time, and can't force them to be accountable. It only hurts me in the end - and I got tired of feeling let down.

I really hope this all works out for you - it's hard to deal with - I understand how you feel. And hopefully your wife isn't taking it personally.

Thanks guys...yeah i know, its tough to deal with.

There's been a pile of episodes in the peast 5-7 years. I never would have thought my on parents would betray me the way they did...and not even think twice or try to apologize about it.

Another one of my mother's sayings is:

"I don't give a damm what people think or say, I can do or say whatever I want."

Yeah, but at what cost? What a sad life doctrine...:(

[TLJ]

First of all congratulations to your wife on getting her Master's! Quite an accomplishment. I've got my final semester to complete before I will finish with my Master's this summer.

And second, kudos to you for standing by your wife. I think you are also right to hold your parents accountable for their actions.

I sort of have an inlaw situation as well, however, kind of reversed. My inlaws like to openly talk about how people go to college & they get all that book sense, but college folks have no common sense. They've made disparaging remarks about college education several times in my presence. I do not & never have made a big deal out of being a college graduate. I don't even mention grad school to them. They have never been supportive of my school, they see no point in it. Therefore I have strongly considered just not inviting them to the graduation. I don't know if this is the right thing to do. It might be hurtful to them if they found out I walked & didn't invite them. Yet, they probably wouldn't care to go anyway. It's weirdness...

[kiwisongbird]

Weird alright. But love must always prevail and I would invite them but endeavour not to be too upset if they don't come along.

Our neighbours have a similar thing - her sister and husband are extremely well off and her and her husband are here on student visas and translating the Word into a tribal language - her parents think her sister has succeeded and that they are just bumbling around in life!!!!

I guess people just have different priorities - I'm sure members of our family and some of our friends think we're crazy not living in NZ and 'working' for a living - huh!

Hard calls though as love needs to be tough at times - I'm not so good at that one.

[SmokinJoe]

I'm far from perfect and would also be upset by your parents attitude. I deal with things constantly from my family that I hope that I never do to me kids or their future spouses, but you have to ask yourself "what would Jesus do"? It is such a great accomplishment that your wife achieved that it shouldn't be ruined by your family's actions. Personally if they have let you down on previous occasions you should be somewhat conditioned for this recent act. Give it to Jesus. Let him shoulder this burden and ask his guidence. Through Him all things are possible! Much Love and Blessings, Joe

[Evanescence]

Thanks guys....but unfortuantely...nothing has changed...if anything its worse.

I found out my mom bailed out for spite. She said it was my dads fault she didnt go and also mine because I growled at her for a selfish episode the week before.

Then, they both bailed on my book signing this past week, also for spite. They told me this point blank.

I had a long talk with my mom and told her in a respectful way that she owes my wife and I an apology and that they both are to blame...and that I can't take their blatant selfsihness anymore. She denies everything...and I do mean everything you tell her. To her, she doesnt do anything wrong.

Man, do I feel trapped....:(

[kiwisongbird]

Ouch - don't really know what else to say - this must be super hard to live with. And yeah, I am a hugger, so send you and your wife big hugs with some prayers attached.