How do you talk someone out of suicide?

[livingforIAM]

As you may read in my thread in the "Prayer" section, my friend Josh had been threatening suicide on Friday.
He's not a believer.
I've told the school counselor, but I don't know if it will be enough.
How do you talk someone out of suicide who doesn't believe in God, doesn't think that he matters no matter what he says, and has a life so terrible that even death seems better to them?
I've never had to deal with something like this before. Any help would be GREATLY appreciated.

[not#1,butclose]

My goodness. That's really, really hard. I've never had to deal with anything that extreme, but I've been in situations somewhere in this vein. Really, all I can say I know to do is just to pray as hard as you know how for God to speak through you, to tell you exactly what you need to say, and step out in faith. Don't even say "Hey" without praying. That's really all I have. Praying for you.

[KarenAlexa]

I don't think you can really talk someone out of it. Their mind isn't functioning quite correctly and there's nothing at all that can be said to fix that. Period. He doesn't see the world the way you do -- there's no rationlizing with him.

The best thing you can do is get him help. You told the councelor -- tell his parents, call the suicide hotline -- if you REALLY think hes serious and not just blowing off steam that make a stink -- someone has to save him from himself and if that takes locking him up in a hospital for a week then so be it. But prepare to be hated for your good deeds. Sure, 20 years from now he may thank you -- but that's not going to happen any time soon.

Just be there for him. Don't tell him you care - show him. Keep giving him a reason to not do it tonight -- tell him you'll call him at ___ tomorrow. Plan to go to a movie on Friday -- stuff like that.

Prayer is the best thing. But if you think he REALLY is 100% serious, get him help. Go to the councelor again -- ask him what shes going to do -- does she think he needs to be checked into a hospital program? Tell his parents -- again, hes going to hate you -- but he'll be alive to hate you and that's better than dead.

[kiwisongbird]

Yup, I agree... tell heaps of adults about it and ask them what they're going to do - and yeah, your friend may end up hating you - but hey... and pray pray pray :)

[cheewiee]

I don't think you can really talk someone out of it. Their mind isn't functioning quite correctly and there's nothing at all that can be said to fix that. Period. He doesn't see the world the way you do -- there's no rationlizing with him...

I agree with this assessment... People threaten to commit suicide for two reasons...1 for attention, 2 for help... So the fact that he is talking about it says he either isn't serious about it, or that he wants somone to stop him, because he feels he is unable to stop himself.

I would tell teachers, counsilers, deans, his parents, your parents, anybody in authority who is willing to listen essentially... while this may just be a grab for attention, I wouldn't risk it.. he could be desperatly asking for somone to make the right decision for him.

[Healing Oil]

There is really nothing you can say to talk someone out of it. What you can do is seek outside help (as you have done so far) but I suggest seeking higher authority than a school counselor. If they havent done anything yet then the police or someone else needs to intervene. I dont know what good telling his father will do.

Be warned though, by you stepping in like this may cause a lot of animosity between you and your friend. Dont fear that or let it stop you.

I agree with Karen and Cheewie. The fact that he told you suggests to me he isnt serious. But like cheewie said, you cant take that risk.

[livingforIAM]

I found out about it on accident almost, though. He told his best friend about it and I got wind of it through his best friend, and asked him straight up about it.

The school counselor got his dad involved, which I'm sure is required by law, but it did not help him at all. He said, "I hate my dad. He didn't say anything to me, he just gave me the look. And then he asked my sister if her friend lives in foster care. Big foreshadow there. Things are worse than they were."

Yikes. Please keep praying....

[FaithBlood]

I will be praying for you and your friend Josh. In the letter that Paul wrote to the church in Ephesus, he encourages them by telling them to, "Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. (Ephesians 6:11,12) Satan's job description is to kill, steal and destroy people. (John 10:10) On the other hand, Jesus came to give us life (John 10:10) and to destroy the works of the devil (1 John 3:8). I said all that to say this: we are in a real spiritual battle with the enemy of our souls, but we have the victory through Jesus Christ! The church (made up of individual believers like you and me) is seated with Him in heavenly places, "Far above all principality, and power, and might, and dominion, and every name that is named, not only in this world, but also in that which is to come: And hath put all things under his feet, and gave him to be the head over all things to the church, Which is his body, the fulness of him that filleth all in all." (Eph. 1:21-23) You are God's ambassadors if you are born again (2 Cor. 5:20) and have been given that same authority! So in Jesus' name, we break the assignment of the enemy and speak life in this situation. We say to Josh the same thing that the psalmist said, "You shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the LORD." (Psalm 118:17) God has good things in store for him. (Jer 29:11).

[bdfwinn]

Many teens tell others about their plans to kill themselves because they are crying for help. In short they are giving this aweful world one last chance to reach out and love them. If there is no response many follow through with their plans to leave this life.

Now that being said, really (as was stated) there is little or nothing you can do to stop it. The fact that you told the school couselor is great. If your friend gets mad at you - so what. An agry friend is better than a dead friend.

Remember Proverbs 27:6

Now you must pray. Pray like you never have before. I mean pray all night. Put on a pot of coffee and literally stay up all night in prayer and be willing to wrestle God (if you will) over the life of your friend.

Pray for your friend to realize what he already is and has in Jesus and ask Triune God to draw your friend to realize that he has his existance within the very life of God that is the Trinitarian relationship of Father, Son, and Spirit.

Try not to seem religious to your friend right now but you may jsut say something like, "Dude, I stayed up all night last night praying to God for you and that you could be happy."

I have some experience with this and another thing you can do is set dates with your friend. Make him promise to go to the mall with you in two days and then go skating in two more and then hang out at your house in two more and be willing to grind this out with him. Love him in his mire and be willing to get muddy too.

LOVE IS VERB,
Pastor Bill

[Gandalf]

I wouldn't advise this approach (http://www.stltoday.com/stltoday/news/stories.nsf/stlouiscitycounty/story/451313F89C8337E5862571E90 06872D2?OpenDocument) (shooting the kid in the leg).

I think Bill and others gave good advice - be a friend and pray. There's no formula you can go through to just talk someone out of being depressed and suicidal. It's a process.

[Sam!]

First of all and most importantly: you are not responsible for keeping your friend alive. This is so important I am goign to repeat it in bold. You are not responsible for keeping Josh alive.

I did not say you shouldn't care. But it is not your responsibility because you do not have the ability to carry out that weight. And if (God forbid) something were to happen, any guilt you feel is false guilt from a false responbility. The responsibility for Josh's life ultimately falls on Josh. You do not have the ability to control his choices, and he alone is responsibile for his choices. By not taking responsibility for something that isn't your responsibility will keep you from many a spiritual problem as you go through life. A very large perecentage of spritual healings I have heard about or been a part of have this problem at their root.

That said, much good advice has been given. If he seems to have a plan for carrying out his suicidal thoughts, then try to never lose sight of him--the attempt rate and success rates skyrocket for teens who have a defined plan (i.e., "I'm going to take some of my mom's pills" or "maybe I'll just get my dad's gun and end it all"). The very best thing you can do in that situation after you have prayed is almost always getting him in touch with someone who can help him, whether pastor, counselor or doctor.

1-800-SUICIDE is a suicide prevention hotline. Get them on the phone.

If you truly believe he is a threat to himself I believe you can call 911. At least, you could in the state where I had some counseling training. Again, they will want to know that he had a plan, rather than simply risk factors (depression or suicidal tendencies/thoughts). At worst, they should be able to provide you with help, especially if you are with Josh when you make that call.

[Debbie]

Everyone has given wonderful advice. Nothing much else to add. Our prayers for you will give you strength.