Single, celibate, and over 30?

[oohmercyme]

Single?
Celibate?
Over 30?
And not all that happy about it?
Or happy as a clam?

How do you cope? Or is this how you envisioned your life? How do you remain "pure"? Do you find church a hard place to be or your strength in your singleness? Do you think God has given you the "gift" of singleness? Is it a gift you want!?

This may have been discussed before, but hey, I'm new here, humour me!

[R. Smith]

...single with no kids. And i hate it. And the way things are going, i may never...never get married. I've given up on looking.

-R- :(

[lizzie_1119]

...single with no kids. And i hate it. And the way things are going, i may never...never get married. I've given up on looking.

-R- :(
Pray about it. Paul was single and said that he wishes that all men of God could be too, because if you don't have a family you can do God's work without thinking.

[sherri]

Quote "How do you cope? Or is this how you envisioned your life? How do you remain "pure"? Do you find church a hard place to be or your strength in your singleness? Do you think God has given you the "gift" of singleness? Is it a gift you want!?"

How do you cope?
It actually doesn't bother me that much

Is this how you envisioned your life
To be honest I'm just happy to be alive at this point :) ;)

How do you remain pure
I don't hang out with people who have different morals and I'm careful about what I watch/listen to -
(I also don't/wouldn't date the kind of people who'd be wanting to grab a piece of the action), I think who you hang around has a big influence on this area.

Do you find your church a hard place to be strong in your singleness
My church has about 3000 regular members who are mostly 20 or 30 something so I'm pretty lucky in that I go to such a young church

Do you think you have the gift of singleness?
Singleness is a gift, (and one I definately don't have). So I'm just waiting on God's timing.



Whenever, whenever, whenever :rolleyes:

(I've just come through a major illness so to be honest marriage isn't something thats much on my mind. But I do think I'd be pretty cheesed off if I was still in the same place 5 years from now - If it happens, I guess I'll just have to deal with it though.)

[Jason]

Singleness is a gift, (and one I definately don't have) So I'm just waiting on God's timing.



Whenever, whenever, whenever :rolleyes:


*agrees with sherri*

[kiwisongbird]

Sneaking in here - sorry.....

I was talking with two single women here in Chiang Mai a month or so ago... both in their sixties.... one said she never feels lonely or alone and the other said she often feels alone, but both agreed that even though there are times when they feel sad that they have no husband or family per se... that God has certainly blessed them with other family in the body of Christ and has also given them much to do in His kingdom...it was interesting to chat with them and ask them questions....

as a married woman with three boys that are homeschooled - there are times when I feel like I could chuck it all in and run away.... I have to remind myself that my family is my ministry and not feel belittled by what I percieve I "should' be doing for God and His Kingdom...and merely work each day for His glory...

Anyway that's my two cents worth - God bless all you single people, you are awesome - use all your time for God - have a ball - be who He wants you to be either on your ownsome or with a mate - go for it dudes!!!

Love ya lots,
MamaLJ :)
xxx

[oohmercyme]

OK- since I didn't answer myself in original post, I shall answer now.

I am single, not by choice and 33. I certainly never imagined my life without being married and having a family (say by 25). What makes it worse is that my 32 year old sister has been married for 11 years to a fab guy and has two beautiful kids (who are the light of my life).

I don't cope well. I find church a very hard place to be. I never attend on Mother's or Father's day and have a hard time on holidays too. Church should be a refuge, but when I see all the husbands and wives, moms, dads, and kiddies, it absolutely breaks my heart.

Perks to being single?
Well, I moved to England a year ago and since I moved here I have been to Holland, Scotland, and France, and I go to Belgium next weekend. I could never have done those things if I had a family (or at least not easily). My niece and nephew are the best thing on earth and I love being an auntie.

But, I want kids of my own. On a recent trip to California to visit my sis, I was lamenting that all I have ever done is take care of other people's kids- mostly people who didn't want to or couldn't care for their own kids. My bro-in-law pointed out the importance of that (he is a good guy I hafta say).

Sherri- I think you put it in perspective though- you are just happy to be a live!

Tony- totally agree on the patience part. What GOD wants, not what or who I want. Although somehow I believe I know better! :rolleyes:

I am trying to wait for God's time- but good gravy! At this rate I will be 105 before I get married and then, quite frankly, I'll have missed out on the good parts! This is not the right thing to say, but if I have been given the gift of singleness, I want to trade it in!

(R. Smiith- super cool! You met Tom Jackson and Susan Iqulqart (missed spelled that terribly!) I loved Tom's show "North of 60".)

[middletree]

I imagine that lots of well-meaning people will tell you that people like Moses, Caleb, Zacharias/Elizabeth, and Abraham had to wait until they were able to see God answer their prayers. And I imagine that you want to punch those people in the nose. But the fact that that type of advice is hard to take doesn't lessen its truthfulness. Those stories are in the bible to teach us several things, and waiting on Him is one of the most important lessons there is to learn.

I have found that in my life, whenever I had to wait, it was for the best. That if I would have had my way and had that job, married that girl, had kids at that age, etc., I would have been much worse off than when those things ended up happening. I have found this to be the case 100% of the time.

And for the record, people like myself who feel like we cannot ever get out of the house without the kids (very young--3 kids and all are 4 or under), we love our two trusted single female friends who watch them for us occasionally. Those two ladies are giving us a huge blessing just by letting us get to one or two movies a year. So I hope that you are able to do the same for your sister, and I just want to tell you that any time you can do this sort of thing, you're doing something that is badly needed and which benefits not only the parents, but the kids.

For the record, I was 29 and still had had a couple of serious girlfriends, but nowhere near marriage. I met someone that year and got married the next year. We then had to wait for 6 more years before kids came.

[oohmercyme]

I imagine that lots of well-meaning people will tell you that people like Moses, Caleb, Zacharias/Elizabeth, and Abraham had to wait until they were able to see God answer their prayers. And I imagine that you want to punch those people in the nose. But the fact that that type of advice is hard to take doesn't lessen its truthfulness. Those stories are in the bible to teach us several things, and waiting on Him is one of the most important lessons there is to learn. Thing is- we know the stories, we know the importance. A little empathy, imho, goes a long way (and prevents anyone from getting punched in the nose!) :D

So I hope that you are able to do the same for your sister, and I just want to tell you that any time you can do this sort of thing, you're doing something that is badly needed and which benefits not only the parents, but the kids.I visted sis 3-4 times year when I lived in North America, now that I live abroad, I only see her once a year. I kick her and bro-in-law out of the house and keep the kiddies all to myself the whole time I am there. Oh those lucky kids! :rolleyes:

[coldcupofjoe]

You know when Paul say get married if you have to... Yeah he was talking to me. Not only am I currently dating the most amazing girl ever, but I can't see myslef living with out her! I can't wait! :D

[larryl]

hope noone minds my slightly different answer......

i am divorced, 31, 2 kids (one lives with me, one with my ex-wife)....

to you all, i would say.......just be careful, and it sounds like you are.....i married the wrong person, for all the wrong reasons.....and if you think being pure when you are single is hard, try it after being married....

while i am fairly happy with my current singleness, it is not what i envisioned at this point in life.

i DEFINITELY do not have the gift of singleness......but it's better than the alternative i have lived, and i am very careful now of who i bring around my daughter (who is the product of a youthful relationship during my wild years, with a girl who i should have never even been dating, and was part of why i got married....)......so i guess right now, my gift is being content with what i have.

[sherri]

wow larry. Great answer - thanks for that! I have to say thats something thats always been at the back of my mind (marrying the wrong person). Partly one of the reasons I'm still single I guess. Also my parents divorced when I was 12 which really messed up my teens. Plus looking around........ the majority of my family are divorced or never even married but have kids. I have 3 step brothers from my stepmothers' two previous relationships. And although I've grown up in the church, I've seen a lot of my friends marry and know the state of their marriages afterwards plus seen a few divorces.


I just think - huh????

I know marriage can be great but I'd rather stay single then have a unhappy or just plain blah marriage and I think finding a guy you can really trust is not so easy these days (even in the church).

It can just be such a minefield.


So I'm leaving it all to God (I don't trust my own judgement anyway :rolleyes: )
Hearing larrys and others like him stories helps remind me to put my rose coloured glasses back in the drawer and be patient. Thanks.

:)

[oohmercyme]

I guess I assumed it was a given that singleness, which may stink, is a better alternative than a bad marriage or a marriage for the sake of being married otherwise I could have gotten hitched ages ago.

[R. Smith]

I am actually waiting on the Lord, for a wife. That is, I'm no longer looking for miss. right. In God's time, it will happen.

-R-

PS - But I'll say it again, I hate being single...

[larryl]

I am actually waiting on the Lord, for a wife. That is, I'm no longer looking for miss. right. In God's time, it will happen.

-R-

PS - But I'll say it again, I hate being single...


i hate it, too.......... but hey....look at it as time to yourself. :D

i won't get into my cynical views on "miss right". suffice it to say i put her right next to santa claus, the easter bunny, and big foot.... :cool:

[Weebie]

Like Tony, I don't want this to sound like a "personal ad", but here's my take on things...

I am now 36, and I've been "single after bad marriage" for 8 years. I am blessed to have a beautiful daughter, but I really thought I would not still be single at this point. After all, it was not MY fault that my ex ran off...oh, wait...that's another story altogether! Anyway, I pray every night that when the time is right that God will bring a wonderful, kind, Christian man into my life. I know for sure that singlehood is NOT a gift, or else I would not be so lonely... at any rate, waiting is so hard sometimes.

I agree that church can be a difficult place. I have some good friends at church, but they are happily married for the most part. I tried to start a singles group numerous times and it has failed miserably. I tried other churches, but feel that this is the church I am supposed to be at. Still...holidays are especially hard when my daughter visits her dad...this is going to be my first Christmas EVER alone. Geez....spending it with my ex (as we have in the past) is almost preferable to being alone...

[imperfect]

Nope, my plan was that my husband and I would have lots of kids, be out of debt, adding to the house, building our mountain home, he would be in art school, and our kids would be serving God with us.

However, I am now serving God alone. My kids and I are healing and they are grown (20 and 16) so we each like our "time."

I certainly didn't have THIS on my plan you know...to be single and 40, but after much counseling and time....I LOVE IT!

Maya Angelou said, "Solitude can be a much to be desired condition."

I love watching movies with a plot, staying behind at church to talk to friends without being rushed, traveling all over the country to volunteer, attend cultural events or concerts, visit my friends, and family.

I have no plan now. I am enjoying my current life just the way it is.

Regarding staying pure, EASY! I have a harder time obeying God in the little things like returning a call to someone in need or bridling my tongue. I see myself as Taken, but I just haven't met him yet. So for me to to engage in that activity I would see it as cheating on him.

[prayercloth sis]

to everyone who has posted on here....

excellent posting...

I pray that you will receive the desires of your hearts as you delight yourself in the Lord....

and remember...marriage and raising children is hard work....we have been married 18 years...and the Lord blessed us with three healthy children who are now 15,14, and 9.

There is never any time to be a couple, or alone time for that matter....

but to think of never having a husband or children...how lonely and depressed I would be...even in the hard times I give God all the praise....for he is worthy....

Just to note...praise him now for where you are....you'll get to the desired mountain top alot quicker if you do!!!! ...and remember...sometimes we get exactly what we pray for so be careful how you pray....

I am thankful for a husband who loves God, and is a good provider and great father to my children....so glad I didn't pray for worldly things.....

Truly I am Blessed!!!!

May you all receive the desire of your hearts!!!

God is no respector of persons, if he'll do it for me he can and will do it for you!!!

Rhonie

[in2gsus]

I am not a carat..but i had to say something to prayercloth sis..

WHen I was younger i went through a bad breakup and an awesome woman of god told me to make a list of what i wanted in a husband and keep it until i get married..I am getting married now..and my fiancee is everything on my list..but as I look back on it..I am thinking why the heck did I put that on my list because thats not what i want..Its crazy to see god show you he does give you the desires of your heart..even if you look back and say what was I thinking??? :D

[gzusfreq]

i won't get into my cynical views on "miss right". suffice it to say i put her right next to santa claus, the easter bunny, and big foot.... :cool:

AMEN!!!

[imperfect]

i hate it, too.......... but hey....look at it as time to yourself. :D

i won't get into my cynical views on "miss right". suffice it to say i put her right next to santa claus, the easter bunny, and big foot.... :cool:

Hey,
Ditch the Toby Keith cd and you might be a viable candidate.

:p

Sorry, I'm in a sassy mood. :)

[SueQ]

Great thoughts, folks....I am a single mom...^^+....I had my daughter at the end of a seven year relationship that I never should have been in....big time backsliding....just as we broke up I learned that I was pregnant...his absence is a financial burden but still a blessing...long story...

Anyway, I don't believe I was ready to be the kind of wife God wants me to be until recently...I know I've had issues with control that I've had to give up before I can have a Godly marriage...I do long for a partner to share everything with...I now look for a marriage that glorifies God rather than just my own desires...that centers around Him rather than just each other....

The whole desire thing...celibacy...takes prayer and planning...I have a friend with whom I share a platonic relationship...there are feelings there that can't be explored yet so we talk only at church or on the phone...and are careful about where our conversation goes...did I mention lots of prayer??????????

I've read 2 books recently that really portray a crossroads that I am at......."Am I the One?" which prepares you to be a Godly spouse and "The Single Truth" which does a great job of explaining the gift of singleness, which I never really believed existed...the latter also does a good job of encouraging you "while you wait"...I recommend both books...

I also hold on to the ways God answers prayer:

1. Yes
2. Not yet
3. I have something better in mind

So I wait knowing He has my best interests at heart...

In any case, it's nice to know that there are lots of us out there...we really aren't alone....

[Michella]

I expected when I married my husband it would be for the rest of my life. Insted I was married to my husband for the rest of his life. He shot himself in the head two months ago today, I found him inthe basement of our home. He had suffered with depression and drug addiction for years. I did not hear the gun shot i was up stairs sleeping.

I know this is graphic for some people but I had to tell it to get to my point.

Here I am single, uneasy about the thought of loveing another, but i am only 33 and no children.

Being single is not the worst thing in the world, although in my case I grive my marriage, I loved and lost, maybe thats a good thing, grow from whatever the Lord puts infront of you. I am.

I do not know what the Lord has planned for me now, but i seek it with all anticipation. My advice to those with want not to be single, is your married to Jesus for the time being, In my widowhood Jesus became my husband, he will take good care of me, and when He leads me to a man who in His sight is right for me it will be Victorious, because the Lord had lead the path. I hope you get me and my point.

[kh294God]

I expected when I married my husband it would be for the rest of my life. Insted I was married to my husband for the rest of his life. He shot himself in the head two months ago today, I found him inthe basement of our home. He had suffered with depression and drug addiction for years. I did not hear the gun shot i was up stairs sleeping.

I know this is graphic for some people but I had to tell it to get to my point.

Here I am single, uneasy about the thought of loveing another, but i am only 33 and no children.

Being single is not the worst thing in the world, although in my case I grive my marriage, I loved and lost, maybe thats a good thing, grow from whatever the Lord puts infront of you. I am.

I do not know what the Lord has planned for me now, but i seek it with all anticipation. My advice to those with want not to be single, is your married to Jesus for the time being, In my widowhood Jesus became my husband, he will take good care of me, and when He leads me to a man who in His sight is right for me it will be Victorious, because the Lord had lead the path. I hope you get me and my point.
I am sorry to hear that....I married my childhood sweetheart when I was 21...I thought that I had finally found happiness....well we didn't go to church Jesus' name wasn't ever spoke in our home unless it was in vain....soon I turned to alcohol to help with a failed marriage....to make a long story short....in the end I divorced my wife (she was cheating on me) took custody of my son and two years later I met a Godsend in my second wife....she literally saved my life...so I guess what I am trying to say is if you are single it isn't the end of life as you know it...you are single for a purpose, God's not yours, and when His time is right...you and anybody else will meet your Godsend. And I have been sober for 8 and a half years Praise God!

[ausgirl]

Hi to my fellow single and over 30ers,
I too HATE being single, never in my wildest dreams did I think I would still be single at 30, not to say that I think I am some beauty that every man desires, but I've always wanted to be a great wife and mum and I guess I figured that would happen well before 30. However, I am not God and all things are in his timing, not mine - sad but true. The biggest things I hate about singledom are: Christmas - love the season, hate being alone again for Christmas, going to any event that requires a partner ALONE, eating out, the fact the other people feel sorry for you, married people who write books about singleness being a blessing and coming home to an empty house.
I know God will fulfill his promise to fulfill the desires of my heart, I just wish he'd hurry up a bit!!
Anyway, let's all pray for each other regularly,
love to all
ausgirl

[larryl]

Hey,
Ditch the Toby Keith cd and you might be a viable candidate.

:p

Sorry, I'm in a sassy mood. :)

ha!! i missed this post way back when, somehow.:D

toby who?:cool:

[Musicdude]

I'm almost there. 28 and single. Never married and still waiting celibately for my right woman. I have always wanted to be married, and still do. My sister has been married 6 years. Almost all of my friends are married with kids. It's not easy, but it's not impossible either. I have been living with mom and dad up until about a week ago (closed on my very first house last thursday :) ), because I didn't want to move out and buy a house until I got married, but eventually I just had to accept the fact that it's not going to happen, or at least not yet, and move on with life. I'm ok with being single for the rest of my life (though I would prefer marriage), but I just wish I knew whether or not God had marriage in my future, so I could make plans accordingly. I hate not knowing, but it makes me learn patience. And I have learned patience. I have learned that His grace is sufficient for me. I have so many great blessings in my life, I have absolutely nothing to complain about. I could rush out and get married tomorrow if I wanted. My ex-girlfriend would say yes, without a doubt. But it wouldn't be right, and she's not interested in serving God, which is why she's my ex-girlfriend. And even though I know it wouldn't be what God wants for me, it is still very tempting sometimes because the lonliness gets hard to deal with. But the 28 years I have waited so far would be a waste of time if I were to marry the wrong person now. And as has already been said, single-life is much better than marrying the wrong person. So I'll keep waiting, even if I am 75 before she comes along. I know it will be worth the wait. And if she never comes, I will have spent a lifetime serving God unhindered by the time-consuming nature of marriage and parenthood. Either way is a good thing.

Oh, and going to church isn't hard for me. Quite the contrary, it is the only reason I am able to deal with this (not the church it'self, but what I learn there.)

[imperfect]

Hi to my fellow single and over 30ers,
I too HATE being single,

First, welcome to the boards. I hope you like your time in here.
Second, thanks for resurrecting this thread. It appears that now Larryl's gonna get rid of his TK cds so he can have a fighting chance win some good woman's heart.
I do not hate being single though. On the contraray,I LOVE IT.
Never again will I let anyone steer me away from God's will for my life. I am on a great path right now. I love my job, friends, and family. I am healthy. Free to serve God without feeling as if I am taking away from someone else. Free to meet Gomers all over.
I treat myself as I expect to be treated. I am the daughter of a king, afterall. I won't settle for anything less than someone who is sold out to God but lives a balanced lifestyle.
So if there is someone out there for me, he already has a lot of competition...my own self.
Musicdude, if you are still single when your 75, I'll marry you!
:)
You guys have a great week.
Angie

[Jason]

Do I get to keep my John Tesh CDs?

[larryl]

Do I get to keep my John Tesh CDs?

if i gotta get rid of toby, i'm pretty sure tesh has to go:cool:

[Jason]

if i gotta get rid of toby, i'm pretty sure tesh has to go:cool:

Well, I guess I'm stayin' single. Sorry, ladies.

[ChristChild]

Well, I guess I'm stayin' single. Sorry, ladies.

Ha! :)

I'm forty and still a single guy. I've learned to be okay with that, but if the right lady comes along... who knows. :D :)

Shane

[Jason]

Ha! :)

I'm forty and still a single guy. I've learned to be okay with that, but if the right lady comes along... who knows. :D :)

Shane

36 here. Got the right lady ... just need to convince her. :p

[imperfect]

if i gotta get rid of toby, i'm pretty sure tesh has to go:cool:

Well, keepin em is a sure fire way of staying celibate!
Bad Angie
Shame on me!

[larryl]

Well, keepin em is a sure fire way of staying celibate!
Bad Angie
Shame on me!


i live in georgia. playing toby really loud in your old chevy truck seems to attract girls here:D

sadly, i drive a VW and tend to have the allmans playing at moderate volume.

[ruepickle]

*sarcasm* 21 year old gold digger here. what jobs do you old men have?? ;) */sarcasm*

i don't know i like reading this thread, cause i get all pouty cause i don't have a boyfriend and then i kick myself in the pants cause it's flippin stupid. i'm 21 years old man, chill already!

[imperfect]

*sarcasm* 21 year old gold digger here. what jobs do you old men have?? ;) */sarcasm*

i don't know i like reading this thread, cause i get all pouty cause i don't have a boyfriend and then i kick myself in the pants cause it's flippin stupid. i'm 21 years old man, chill already!

LOL...your honesty is the stuff of role models. Hey chicky. You just turned 21!
My son's 21???? :)
Then again, I know him...he needs another 10 yrs in the incubator.

Larryl, I was in the Allman mode yesterday. I was schooling some youngin's on Duane Allman and Dickey Betts. I just saw Dickey in concert the week before last. It was a blast...from the past. The volume was NOT at moderate level.

What did the Beach Boys say about the Southern girls? I don't remember?
Probably the way they talk? Or Gossip? Or something?

Crank up your tunes. If she smiles at ya, she might be the ONE!

[ruepickle]

LOL...your honesty is the stuff of role models. Hey chicky. You just turned 21!
My son's 21???? :)
Then again, I know him...he needs another 10 yrs in the incubator.

Larryl, I was in the Allman mode yesterday. I was schooling some youngin's on Duane Allman and Dickey Betts. I just saw Dickey in concert the week before last. It was a blast...from the past. The volume was NOT at moderate level.

What did the Beach Boys say about the Southern girls? I don't remember?
Probably the way they talk? Or Gossip? Or something?

Crank up your tunes. If she smiles at ya, she might be the ONE!
yeah, most 21 year old males need a few years. . . there are some exceptions though.

the east coast girls are hip i really dig those styles they wear, and the northern girls with the way they kiss they keep their boyfriends warm at night. I wish they all could be california girls (wish they all could be california) wish they all could be california girrrrlllls!

wha'ts midwest girls. i dont' remember. i haven't listened to the beach boys in AGES. they rocked hard core though, man. that was music.

[imperfect]

yeah, most 21 year old males need a few years. . . there are some exceptions though.

the east coast girls are hip i really dig those styles they wear, and the northern girls with the way they kiss they keep their boyfriends warm at night. I wish they all could be california girls (wish they all could be california) wish they all could be california girrrrlllls!

wha'ts midwest girls. i dont' remember. i haven't listened to the beach boys in AGES. they rocked hard core though, man. that was music.

Yup, I married his dad right out of high school cuz I REALLY thought Jesus was returning. You know the signs were all there! :)
So I didn't want to be resurrected without being married to the man I loved! Seems like I needed some more time in the incubator myself!
Well, I guess I am huh?
Single, celibate and LOVING IT!

[ruepickle]

Yup, I married his dad right out of high school cuz I REALLY thought Jesus was returning. You know the signs were all there! :)
So I didn't want to be resurrected without being married to the man I loved! Seems like I needed some more time in the incubator myself!
Well, I guess I am huh?
Single, celibate and LOVING IT!
i'm the same. although being single at 21 i'm sure isn't as tough as it is once you get older.

i def. wanna get married some day. preferably before i'm like 25-26. but like i have a ton of control over that! lol

[ausgirl]

Okay regarding the singleness thing, I need your opinions - I used to absolutely never ever wear a ring on THAT finger in case some guy was interested and thought I was taken. Now have had a real hard time handing over this area of my life to God and so, a week or so ago, when trying to trust him again, decided I will infact wear a ring on THAT finger, so that I can display to God that I am trusting Him, if he wants me to meet that special person, then he we cause it to come to pass, whether I have a ring on my wedding finger or not.
Do you think this is a silly idea??
LEt me know:(

[Musicdude]

Okay regarding the singleness thing, I need your opinions - I used to absolutely never ever wear a ring on THAT finger in case some guy was interested and thought I was taken. Now have had a real hard time handing over this area of my life to God and so, a week or so ago, when trying to trust him again, decided I will infact wear a ring on THAT finger, so that I can display to God that I am trusting Him, if he wants me to meet that special person, then he we cause it to come to pass, whether I have a ring on my wedding finger or not.
Do you think this is a silly idea??
LEt me know:(

I see why you are doing it and I think your motivation is good. But the only problem is now the only guys who will show interest in you are the sleezy guys who try and pick up married women.

I would like to say that this thread has really helped me as of late. It's nice to know you're not the only one in that situation. :)

[SueQ]

Okay regarding the singleness thing, I need your opinions - I used to absolutely never ever wear a ring on THAT finger in case some guy was interested and thought I was taken. Now have had a real hard time handing over this area of my life to God and so, a week or so ago, when trying to trust him again, decided I will infact wear a ring on THAT finger, so that I can display to God that I am trusting Him, if he wants me to meet that special person, then he we cause it to come to pass, whether I have a ring on my wedding finger or not.
Do you think this is a silly idea??
LEt me know:(

Musicdude is right....I tried that..many years ago...when I realized that guys like to go after girls who are "taken"....problem was, they weren't guys with good character...pretty sleezy...If you trust God, just TRUST Him ...Don't make it too hard for the good guys...

[larryl]

yep....i can spot a wedding ring from 100 yards, and i stay far away:D

[Jason]

yep....i can spot a wedding ring from 100 yards, and i stay far away:D


You too?

[ausgirl]

I see why you are doing it and I think your motivation is good. But the only problem is now the only guys who will show interest in you are the sleezy guys who try and pick up married women.

I would like to say that this thread has really helped me as of late. It's nice to know you're not the only one in that situation. :)


*rips ring off finger - hopes there is no tan!*
Okay, so probably bad idea? - Really should have realised that myself - i too can spot a ring on a guys finger from about 50 metres!!! First thing i look for.

While we're on the subject - what does a ring on the middle finger of the left hand on a man mean - anything significant?
:confused:

[Musicdude]

*rips ring off finger - hopes there is no tan!*
Okay, so probably bad idea? - Really should have realised that myself - i too can spot a ring on a guys finger from about 50 metres!!! First thing i look for.

While we're on the subject - what does a ring on the middle finger of the left hand on a man mean - anything significant?
:confused:

I don't wear jewlery, so I have no idea what that means.
Maybe it means he's married, but mad at his wife. :D
Or maybe it means that he's a televangelist, they wear lots of rings.

[SueQ]

While we're on the subject - what does a ring on the middle finger of the left hand on a man mean - anything significant?
:confused:

The ring is too big for his ring finger and too small for his thumb....:p

[larryl]

While we're on the subject - what does a ring on the middle finger of the left hand on a man mean - anything significant?
:confused:

we are guys. we know nothing of the rules for what jewelry means what where.

we wouldn't know where to wear the wedding band if our wives didn't yell at us for wearing them on the wrong finger:D

[mcgreen311]

i'm the same. although being single at 21 i'm sure isn't as tough as it is once you get older.

i def. wanna get married some day. preferably before i'm like 25-26. but like i have a ton of control over that! lol

I'll second that it's easier as you get older. I remember watching a show of some sort where a girl at 18 had never been on a date or had a boyfriend. I thought, "Heh, that won't be me." Well, now I'm 25 and I am that girl. Once I finally got (with God's help) that it wasn't about me and my deficiencies, but about His will, it has gotten a lot easier. I'm going through one of my phases and have been thinking about this subject a lot lately, so I'm glad I stumbled onto this thread.

This feels like it's our little singles support group. That just makes me laugh (in a good way).

[imperfect]

Or maybe it means that he's a televangelist, they wear lots of rings.
:eek: :eek: :D :p
Oh man!
That's rich.
The question Ausgirl...is what does it mean when a single girl is checking out what finger the man is wearing a ring on? LOL...can everyone holla "ring check!"

I agree with Mcgreen, it's easier as you get older. The celibate part that is. As far as finding oneself single...that may be another story.

Larryl, I saw Toby Keith on Celebrity Duets last night. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING????? He's a scrub!

[Jason]

I'm just wondering who let the people under thirty in this thread? :eek: :p

[mcgreen311]

I'm just wondering who let the people under thirty in this thread? :eek: :p

We knew the secret password and persuaded the bouncer to let us in. Besides don't you as our wiser and much OLDER sibling in Christ want us to learn from you? This is a highly enlightening thread.

*Off to break into other old fogie threads...*

[imperfect]

We knew the secret password and persuaded the bouncer to let us in. Besides don't you as our wiser and much OLDER sibling in Christ want us to learn from you? This is a highly enlightening thread.

I do! I don't want you to make my mistake!

[Jason]

We knew the secret password and persuaded the bouncer to let us in. Besides don't you as our wiser and much OLDER sibling in Christ want us to learn from you? This is a highly enlightening thread.

*Off to break into other old fogie threads...*

Did you just call me much OLDER? :eek: Of course you also called me wiser so I'll let you stay. :D

[mcgreen311]

Did you just call me much OLDER? :eek: Of course you also called me wiser so I'll let you stay. :D

I was using the archaic old english definition of older meaning highly intelligent and totally rocking, as used in Beowulf's conversation to Grendel, "Dude, you are totally older, but I'm gonna have to kill you so we can get back to eating in the mead hall." Sorry for the obscure usage. :D

Thanks, imperfect. I know at least one person welcomes me. *Sniff, sniff*

Ok, sorry for being complicit in partially derailing this thread. As you were.

[ausgirl]

The question Ausgirl...is what does it mean when a single girl is checking out what finger the man is wearing a ring on? LOL...can everyone holla "ring check!"
Duhh, it means I don't want to waste my time getting interested in another woman's husband!!!lol

[Jason]

Duhh, it means I don't want to waste my time getting interested in another woman's husband!!!lol

Smart move.

[larryl]

:eek: :eek: :D :p


Larryl, I saw Toby Keith on Celebrity Duets last night. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING????? He's a scrub!

wow.....still with the toby keith?:D

i haven't listened in a while.......been listening to andrew peterson instead. does that help?

[CCM12275]

ok. I'm new to this board.I'm 31. And still single. Is it a bad thing if your my age & never had a first date?:o Idon't usually mind being single. But sometimes I feel lonely whenI see other people with boyfrieds.

[imperfect]

wow.....still with the toby keith?:D

i haven't listened in a while.......been listening to andrew peterson instead. does that help?

I don't know who that is???

[imperfect]

ok. I'm new to this board.I'm 31. And still single. Is it a bad thing if your my age & never had a first date?:o Idon't usually mind being single. But sometimes I feel lonely whenI see other people with boyfrieds.

Not ever having a first date is pretty intimidating and bit of a slippery slope. After a while, one tends to shy away from dating cuz it's been so long or it hasn't happened yet.
I am great at meeting people. Have a huge circle of friends. I'm a conference speaker and a professional, but I am by far the worse dater I know of. I avoid it all together. I hate the dinner interview, anyway. Don't wanna "go there" on the celibacy subject. So, I just pal around in groups.
However, I don't feel lonely. I LOVE my solitude. Problem is when a guy wants to cross the my imaginary line from pal or friend to a date, I fold.
Hee hee.
I don't know if I need to do anything about it or not. I know I don't have any interest in dating and maybe that is why I don't really try to connect when I am on an official date.
However, if I am sharing at activity with a friend and there is no dating pressure, I am totally open and a blast.
I appear to be aloof when I am on a real date. In reality, I am.
Welcome to the boards!
Hugs,
Angie

[larryl]

I don't know who that is???


a fantastic artist.....great songs about God

http://www.andrew-peterson.com/news

[imperfect]

a fantastic artist.....great songs about God

http://www.andrew-peterson.com/news

Holy smoke, this guy is so talented...Bebo, Paul Simon, Jackson Browneish
I just ordered the Far Country CD.
You have now cleared your Toby Keith account and will no longer be punished for your momentary lapse in sanity.
Thanks for the tip!
Have a great day!
Angie

[larryl]

Holy smoke, this guy is so talented...Bebo, Paul Simon, Jackson Browneish
I just ordered the Far Country CD.
You have now cleared your Toby Keith account and will no longer be punished for your momentary lapse in sanity.
Thanks for the tip!
Have a great day!
Angie


thank you, and you're welcome.

now i can get on with being single in peace.:D

[Jason]

Holy smoke, this guy is so talented...Bebo, Paul Simon, Jackson Browneish


He sounds like Bebo?

[imperfect]

He sounds like Bebo?

Not vocally, but lyrically talented like the songwriters I mentioned.
I LOVE MY BEBO!

[CCM12275]

I got asked out Friday afternoon& going out nezxtsaturday! I can't wait!I know this may be chaging the subject but oh well.

[imperfect]

On the contrary, you brought it BACK to the subject!
I'm the one who hijacked.
Keep us posted. We're a nosey group!

[larryl]

attn nosey people

i am still single

i am still celibate

i am still over 30

just an update.

:cool:

[Jason]

attn nosey people

i am still single

i am still celibate

i am still over 30

just an update.

:cool:

Ditto.

Edited to add: And I don't know about Larry, but I like candelit dinners, long strolls on the boardwalk, and being caught in the rain. :p

[imperfect]

attn nosey people

i am still single

i am still celibate

i am still over 30

just an update.



Ditto.

Edited to add: And I don't know about Larry, but I like candelit dinners, long strolls on the boardwalk, and being caught in the rain. :p

OK you two celibate Teshngaither lovin' romeos...behave!

[larryl]

i prefer long strolls in the rain, candlelit boardwalks, and being caught with dinner, but that's just me.:D

[CCM12275]

I went out on my date last night it was wonderful! :cool: ;) :D We went to Tequilas to eat & talked for hours. He even met my parents. They like him.:) I hope he asks me out again. He said he had fun.

[draw627]

Single and not loving it!...but willing to wait on God for the right one. I would rather be alone the rest of my life than to live the way I had to for 20 years with my ex. I was married like many of you, but to the wrong one. We were unequally yoked, and I was too young in Christ to know what it meant. I can say God did bless us with 2 children, which are now 13 & 17. I am VERY leery of who I will date now, which has only been twice in 6 years. I will continue to pray and trust God to send the right man my way. I heard the Barlow Girls say last night that God told them not to even date. He would send them the right one at the right time, but for now he has a different plan for them. God never intended us to be created to have our hearts broken into pieces by different people. He intended for us to have one soulmate, and that is what I am praying for right now. In the meantime my children, church, work, and everything else is keeping me busy and helping me keep my mind off it. Winter is the hardest for me, being closed-up. I can stay on the go in the summer, but in the winter am limited (and it would be nice to have someone to be confined with)...but I WILL WAIT ON GOD, and I will admit it isn't very easy for me, but I know it will be worth it, so wait I will! ;)

[Jason]

OK you two celibate Teshngaither lovin' romeos...behave!

We were.

[imperfect]

I went out on my date last night it was wonderful! :cool: ;) :D We went to Tequilas to eat & talked for hours. He even met my parents. They like him.:) I hope he asks me out again. He said he had fun.

I was skimming and this and thought it read: "We drank Tequilas and talked for hours"
Did you know him prior?

[draw627]

BTW, here's my last boyfriend.....may be why I'm still single :eek: :D

[CCM12275]

YEs. We knew each other from work.

[Musicdude]

Single and not loving it!...but willing to wait on God for the right one. I would rather be alone the rest of my life than to live the way I had to for 20 years with my ex. I was married like many of you, but to the wrong one. We were unequally yoked, and I was too young in Christ to know what it meant. I can say God did bless us with 2 children, which are now 13 & 17. I am VERY leery of who I will date now, which has only been twice in 6 years. I will continue to pray and trust God to send the right man my way. I heard the Barlow Girls say last night that God told them not to even date. He would send them the right one at the right time, but for now he has a different plan for them. God never intended us to be created to have our hearts broken into pieces by different people. He intended for us to have one soulmate, and that is what I am praying for right now. In the meantime my children, church, work, and everything else is keeping me busy and helping me keep my mind off it. Winter is the hardest for me, being closed-up. I can stay on the go in the summer, but in the winter am limited (and it would be nice to have someone to be confined with)...but I WILL WAIT ON GOD, and I will admit it isn't very easy for me, but I know it will be worth it, so wait I will! ;)

So the Barlow Girls are single? Interesting. :cool: :D

[imperfect]

BTW, here's my last boyfriend.....may be why I'm still single :eek: :D

He's hot

[Jason]

He's hot

I would be too if I was hanging on concrete in the sun all day.

[imperfect]

Single and not loving it!...but willing to wait on God for the right one. I would rather be alone the rest of my life than to live the way I had to for 20 years with my ex. I was married like many of you, but to the wrong one. We were unequally yoked, and I was too young in Christ to know what it meant. I can say God did bless us with 2 children, which are now 13 & 17. I am VERY leery of who I will date now, which has only been twice in 6 years. I will continue to pray and trust God to send the right man my way. I heard the Barlow Girls say last night that God told them not to even date. He would send them the right one at the right time, but for now he has a different plan for them. God never intended us to be created to have our hearts broken into pieces by different people. He intended for us to have one soulmate, and that is what I am praying for right now. In the meantime my children, church, work, and everything else is keeping me busy and helping me keep my mind off it. Winter is the hardest for me, being closed-up. I can stay on the go in the summer, but in the winter am limited (and it would be nice to have someone to be confined with)...but I WILL WAIT ON GOD, and I will admit it isn't very easy for me, but I know it will be worth it, so wait I will! ;)

I am on the Barlow plan!! LOL. I don't date either. I believe it to be fruitless waste of my time and I am just not interested in dating anyway. I know what I want and when that guy comes along, if he does, then we'll see.

I must get you out of the house. I am the total opposite. Since I'm allergic to bees, I stay inside during the summer and I'm out all day and night when it's cold! Come on lady, bundle up and join the fun!

[imperfect]

I would be too if I was hanging on concrete in the sun all day.
You see the way he's trying to kiss her?
He has nice teeth though.

[imperfect]

On a month-to-month basis, marriage just doesn't pay. At least not far beyond the honeymoon phase, after which the happy couple invariably decides to leverage its new status into better living quarters, nicer cars and more "mature" spending priorities like insurance and church donations.


http://biz.yahoo.com/special/pf080806_article4.html

I'm just sayin'

[draw627]

I am on the Barlow plan!! LOL. I don't date either. I believe it to be fruitless waste of my time and I am just not interested in dating anyway. I know what I want and when that guy comes along, if he does, then we'll see.

I must get you out of the house. I am the total opposite. Since I'm allergic to bees, I stay inside during the summer and I'm out all day and night when it's cold! Come on lady, bundle up and join the fun!
I am game! Ready to go!...just one question, can I bring my last boyfriend? I'm kinda hung-up on him :D

[Jason]

I am game! Ready to go!...just one question, can I bring my last boyfriend? I'm kinda hung-up on him :D

It's over with him. Move on.

[draw627]

It's over with him. Move on.
Be nice to me, I'm trying to recover from a grave relationship ;)

[Jason]

Be nice to me, I'm trying to recover from a grave relationship ;)

But I was deadly serious. No bones about it. :p

[imperfect]

But I was deadly serious. No bones about it. :p
At least her skeletons are out in the open not in the closet.
You are on the road to recovery sista!
Besides, he has his mouth open. That's yucky.

[draw627]

At least her skeletons are out in the open not in the closet.
You are on the road to recovery sista!
Besides, he has his mouth open. That's yucky.
Recovery huh, well I guess that grave relationship had it's perks! The good thing about his mouth being open, he didn't have bad breath....he was well aired-out :p

[Musicdude]

Question for the chicas:


If you went on a first date with a guy, and he took you to a nice Italian restraunt in downtown Houston, then to see the Houston Symphony & Chorus perform Handel's Messiah, would that impress you? Cause that's what I'm doing this Friday. I'm so excited, and she is just perfect. So we'll see how it goes. :) This is the first date I've had in about two years. And apparently the butterflies in my stomach (though they haven't fluttered in a while) are still very much alive and kicking. :D

[Buttabean]

sounds like a great night to me! :)

[Musicdude]

sounds like a great night to me! :)

Cool. I was trying to be original, and plus I really have wanted to see that concert for a few years now anyway. So it should be fun.

[SueQ]

Sounds wonderful, Musicdude!......Let us know how it goes....some of us are doomed to live vicariously through others....:p :eek: :(

[Musicdude]

Sounds wonderful, Musicdude!......Let us know how it goes....some of us are doomed to live vicariously through others....:p :eek: :(

I know what you mean. I have been there, up until about a week ago. :)
And if I goof up too bad, I may be there again, next week. :D

[imperfect]

Question for the chicas:


If you went on a first date with a guy, and he took you to a nice Italian restraunt in downtown Houston, then to see the Houston Symphony & Chorus perform Handel's Messiah, would that impress you? Cause that's what I'm doing this Friday. I'm so excited, and she is just perfect. So we'll see how it goes. :) This is the first date I've had in about two years. And apparently the butterflies in my stomach (though they haven't fluttered in a while) are still very much alive and kicking. :D
This made my day! :)
I would say yes, my friend. It impresses this girl. However, you two won't get a chance to talk during the performance so maybe take her out for coffee afterward. Just a suggestion.
Now mind your manners brother and have fun.
I'll lend you my butterfly net.
Report back to your posse!
Hugs,
Imperfect G
Angie

[Musicdude]

This made my day! :)
I would say yes, my friend. It impresses this girl. However, you two won't get a chance to talk during the performance so maybe take her out for coffee afterward. Just a suggestion.

Well, we are going out to dinner first, so well have an hour or so to talk then.
And the intermission is usually 20 minutes or so. But, coffee afterwards is not a bad idea either. I'll probably do that, if it's not too late when the concert is over.


Now mind your manners brother and have fun.


Oh, I am a perfect gentleman.

I'll lend you my butterfly net.
Report back to your posse!
Hugs,
Imperfect G
Angie

Thanks. :D
I might need it. I'll let ya know how it goes. But I just can't imagine it not being a lot of fun. She's the kind of girl I would love to be friends with, even if nothing more came out of it.

[sandie]

And Handel's Messiah is always wonderful. :)

[ExtravagantlyLoved]

And Handel's Messiah is always wonderful. :)
Mm hmm, yes it is. Performing it is even better, but I don't expect anyone to take their date to perform it. That would be asking a little too much. ;)

[Musicdude]

It was just wonderful. There is absolutely no way it could've been more perfect. :)

[SueQ]

It was just wonderful. There is absolutely no way it could've been more perfect. :)

Not enough info, Musicdude!.....Tell us more!:D

[Musicdude]

Not enough info, Musicdude!.....Tell us more!:D

Like what?
I picked her up at her apartment. She was very pretty, as usual. I gave her a rose. She introduced me to her dog, and showed me her place. It was nice. We left. We were running late, so we didn't have time to eat before the show, but it turned out that they had really good food at the concert hall, so we just ate there, and had a very nice conversation (Keep in mind we've been talking on the phone for at least an hour everyday since I met her, about a week ago, so it's not like we knew nothing about each other.) I was a little hesitant to try to hold hands, because I thought it might be a little too soon, but I did anyway, and she responded really well to that. So I felt pretty good about that. Toward the end we were both kinda getting tired, and she rested her head on my shoulder. It was great. (The little things really do it for me.) After it was over, it was pretty late. So I took her home. The traffic going to her house was horrible, so we had a lot of time to talk in the car. It was very nice. We were talking about an Adam Sandler movie, and she actually asked me if I wanted to hang out and watch it with her, but it was like 12:30 already and I had about an hour drive from her house to mine, so I said I'd better go. And she understood. What really impressed me was how appreciative she was of everything. My last girlfriend didn't appreciate anything I ever did for her, and never once said thank you for anything, ever. But Sherri said thank you several times. I mean, that's a fairly expensive first date, and I didn't at all mind spending the money, but it's just nice to get a thank you. Let's you know it was appreciated.
Anyway, she said she had a wonderful time and I did too. We are going to definitely do something next Friday or Saturday, we just haven't decided what yet. We are not that much alike, but I guess we compliment each other well, because we just get along like we've known each other for years. I found out she doesn't like seafood, whenever I ordered the shrimp. :eek: That was almost a deal-breaker, but then I thought hey, more for me. ;)

Anyway, I'm really hopeful about where this is going. I'm probably a little over-optimistic, but I can't help it.

Is that enough info for ya? hehe :D
(BTW, I'm Wayne, so you don't have to call me Musicdude.) :)

[Musicdude]

Oh yeah, and the concert was really good too. :D

[imperfect]

Not enough info, Musicdude!.....Tell us more!:D

THANK YOU SUE!
Can you believe he'd pump us all up and then say, "Oh it was niccccce?"
You crazy Wayne?
Anyway, it sounds like you had a wonderful time. LOL on the hand holding being too soon. It would be for me but I am too slow! I will continue to pray for your happiness!
Congrats on the great first date.
Hugs,
Angie
Imperfect G

[Musicdude]

THANK YOU SUE!
Can you believe he'd pump us all up and then say, "Oh it was niccccce?"
You crazy Wayne?


But it WAS nice!! :D

Anyway, it sounds like you had a wonderful time. LOL on the hand holding being too soon. It would be for me but I am too slow!

Yeah, it was a judgement call. But, like I said it's not like this was the first time we had spent any time getting to know each other. I've been talking to her on the phone at least once a day for the last week and a half. So it was like we already knew each other really well when we first went out together.

I will continue to pray for your happiness!
Congrats on the great first date.
Hugs,
Angie
Imperfect G

Thank you very much. I need all the prayer I can get.
Lot's of decisions to make, and each one very important. Relationships are so complicated. But worth it.

[SueQ]

Thanks for the play by play...:D ...it really does sound like it was nice...My sister and her husband were different as night and day....they just celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary......Not that I think you should rush things...;) ....glad you had a good time, Wayne.....she sounds nice...:)

[Musicdude]

Thanks for the play by play...:D ...it really does sound like it was nice...My sister and her husband were different as night and day....they just celebrated their 20th wedding anniversary......Not that I think you should rush things...;) ....glad you had a good time, Wayne.....she sounds nice...:)

I know what you mean. For example, my parents are opposite ends of the spectrum too. But they have been married for 35 years. My grandparents were extremely different, and they were married 61 years.

Of course, I'm not considering marriage after only one date. lol
I'm just saying that many times opposites attract. But then again, at my age I don't really just date for fun. I've always got marriage in the back of my head. And I'm not gonna stay in a relationship that I don't think has any future.

[larryl]

glad someone around here has some signs of progress..... :D

[Musicdude]

Of the celibate bunch, would you consider dating someone who wasn't?

You see, I have this friend, who is in this predicament. ;)

[imperfect]

Of the celibate bunch, would you consider dating someone who wasn't?
Ok...I'll bite on this bait.
I think it's funny how we went from holding hands to celibacy! Just a fun observation.
First, back to hand holding. I agree different paces for different folks. I am of the slow, slow, slow pace and don't even hold hands until after a few dates. No kiss until it's a boyfriend thing. I don't just give that stuff away for a date afterall. Believe me you...this gal is way worth the wait.

OK...now onto your friend Wayne.

Regardless, if the person I am dating is been celibate or not; I know I am. If he can't deal with that then that is his problem. My celibate state has definitely helped me to determine whether or not the guy makes it to date 2. So far in two years of celibacy, only 1 has made the cut to the next round of dating. The others, including church going men, never made it out of the gate. They were all justifying immorality cuz they like me. Yup, church going men.

Ok...oh yeah this was about you. Sorry :eek:

Celibacy has little to do with their status and ALL to do with yours. Afterall, it's your body and your commitment to the Lord not the other person's.

So to answer your question, it's impossible to date someone who isn't celibate cuz if that person is dating me, then they already are celibate! What they were in the past doesn't matter cuz to date me is stating that they agree to MY choice of celibacy...in the NOW.

The question shouldn't be "Would I date someone who isn't celibate?" It should be "Will I surrender my celibacy to date someone?"

Just my two and half cents.

[Musicdude]

Ok...I'll bite on this bait.
I think it's funny how we went from holding hands to celibacy! Just a fun observation.
First, back to hand holding. I agree different paces for different folks. I am of the slow, slow, slow pace and don't even hold hands until after a few dates. No kiss until it's a boyfriend thing. I don't just give that stuff away for a date afterall. Believe me you...this gal is way worth the wait.

OK...now onto your friend Wayne.

Regardless, if the person I am dating is been celibate or not; I know I am. If he can't deal with that then that is his problem. My celibate state has definitely helped me to determine whether or not the guy makes it to date 2. So far in two years of celibacy, only 1 has made the cut to the next round of dating. The others, including church going men, never made it out of the gate. They were all justifying immorality cuz they like me. Yup, church going men.

Ok...oh yeah this was about you. Sorry :eek:

Celibacy has little to do with their status and ALL to do with yours. Afterall, it's your body and your commitment to the Lord not the other person's.

So to answer your question, it's impossible to date someone who isn't celibate cuz if that person is dating me, then they already are celibate! What they were in the past doesn't matter cuz to date me is stating that they agree to MY choice of celibacy...in the NOW.

The question shouldn't be "Would I date someone who isn't celibate?" It should be "Will I surrender my celibacy to date someone?"

Just my two and half cents.

I think you have misunderstood me.
Let me be a little more literal with my question.

I am celibate, and have been my entire life. I believe waiting until marriage is extremely important.
I have a very strong notion that she isn't, mainly because she was with her last boyfriend for two and a half years, and she spent the weekend with him at his parent's lake house many times. So, I don't know for certain, but it's pretty likely she isn't a virgin.

So, would finding that out about a person you like completely turn you off about them, or would it really matter that much to you?
I mean, I can forgive anyone for anything. But it's just disappointing, to say the least.

[imperfect]

glad someone around here has some signs of progress..... :D
Quit ur whining
:D

[imperfect]

I think you have misunderstood me.
Let me be a little more literal with my question.

I am celibate, and have been my entire life. I believe waiting until marriage is extremely important.
I have a very strong notion that she isn't, mainly because she was with her last boyfriend for two and a half years, and she spent the weekend with him at his parent's lake house many times. So, I don't know for certain, but it's pretty likely she isn't a virgin.

So, would finding that out about a person you like completely turn you off about them, or would it really matter that much to you?
I mean, I can forgive anyone for anything. But it's just disappointing, to say the least.

Oh wow Wayne. I see now.
You have set certain standards for yourself and your future mate. You have dreamed of that person and the day when everything would fall into place. Now you are presented with a person who may be a potential mate, however, is not the virgin you dreamed of.

Does she know you are celibate? I mean it's only been a week of talking and one date. That probably hasn't come up yet huh?

[Musicdude]

Oh wow Wayne. I see now.
You have set certain standards for yourself and your future mate. You have dreamed of that person and the day when everything would fall into place. Now you are presented with a person who may be a potential mate, however, is not the virgin you dreamed of.

Does she know you are celibate? I mean it's only been a week of talking and one date. That probably hasn't come up yet huh?

No, she doesn't know.

And like I said, I don't know that it would be a deal-breaker for me. But it's just disappointing.

[imperfect]

No, she doesn't know.

And like I said, I don't know that it would be a deal-breaker for me. But it's just disappointing.

Yes, I would be disappointed but you brother are a rare breed. Very few and I mean very few people have that commitment to their future mate.

My list of turn offs would bring this server down so I won't list them. A person's past is not one of them cuz I know my past would embarrass Gomer herself. But it is my current state of purity that matters now. It is that which I require a potential mate to honor with me.

Regardless of how she behaved in a relationship in the past, how does she conduct herself now? Is she faithful? Will she adopt the celibate lifestyle? Does she walk with God?

You have been single a long time. You have that checklist in your spirit. How does she measure up in the long term?

She certainly deserves to know that you are celibate and this is your requirement. She may be relieved to find a gem like you or may feel as if she may not measure up. She may even feel judged or unworthy to be with you.

Maybe you are worrying too soon. Perhaps you should watch her behavior and see how she carries herself sexually with you. I don't know maybe we are all paranoid on this thread.

Thoughts?

It's very liberating to get past the important (celibate) conversation and move on.
Let me think about this more. You are a special brother here and don't want to give knee jerk input.
PM me for privacy if need be.
Hugs,
Angie

[Musicdude]

Yes, I would be disappointed but you brother are a rare breed. Very few and I mean very few people have that commitment to their future mate.

Yeah, I'm a weirdo. :D

My list of turn offs would bring this server down so I won't list them. A person's past is not one of them cuz I know my past would embarrass Gomer herself. But it is my current state of purity that matters now. It is that which I require a potential mate to honor with me.

This is true. And I am very forgiving.

Regardless of how she behaved in a relationship in the past, how does she conduct herself now? Is she faithful? Will she adopt the celibate lifestyle? Does she walk with God?

She will have to adopt the celibate lifestyle as long as she is with me. I won't bend on that. But I also don't need the temptation from someone who doesn't have that requirement.

You have been single a long time. You have that checklist in your spirit. How does she measure up in the long term?

Well, that's what I'm trying to figure out. I'm not ready to say that she can't be the one, just because she made some mistakes. But I'm not going to say it doesn't matter to me, either, because it does.

She certainly deserves to know that you are celibate and this is your requirement. She may be relieved to find a gem like you or may feel as if she may not measure up. She may even feel judged or unworthy to be with you.

I actually had a girl break-up with me once because she found that out. She felt guilty, and couldn't get over it. I don't want that to happen with this girl.

Maybe you are worrying too soon.

Probably. I'm bad about that.

Perhaps you should watch her behavior and see how she carries herself sexually with you. I don't know maybe we are all paranoid on this thread.

I just don't want to put myself into a situation where I will be tempted to do something I don't want to do. Because after 28 years, that temptation is pretty strong anyway. I'm fairly sure I would be strong enough to do the right thing (I have before,) but I'd prefer to just not put myself in that situation.

Thoughts?

I don't know.

It's very liberating to get past the important (celibate) conversation and move on.
Let me think about this more. You are a special brother here and don't want to give knee jerk input.
PM me for privacy if need be.
Hugs,
Angie

Thanks for the advice, Angie.

I think I should have a serious spiritual discussion with her, and really find out where her relationship with God is, and where it's going. Because if she loves the Lord more than anything, and really desires to grow closer to Him, that is the most important thing to me. All the other little details can be worked out.

[imperfect]

I think I should have a serious spiritual discussion with her, and really find out where her relationship with God is, and where it's going. Because if she loves the Lord more than anything, and really desires to grow closer to Him, that is the most important thing to me. All the other little details can be worked out.
She must be something else if you pondering these kinds of questions.
I know everytime I didn't heed the red flags people got hurt.
As tough as it is for me to talk about such things with anyone, I am learning to do that and it is paying off.
I'll be praying for you.
Keep us posted though.
Blessings,

Angie

[draw627]

First of all, I'm glad to see this thread is still alive!!! My hat goes off to you Wayne. You are indeed a rare breed. I pray God will send you that special someone. It sounds like you are a strong Christian man, so just keep up the good work and God will do the rest for you; he knows the desires of your heart. It will be well worth the wait. I feel a Christian man that can control himself is definitely a blessing. I agree w/Angie about a lot of Christian men not thinking fornication is wrong. God plainly states it is and that is a major requirement for me also....actually one of the first questions I would ask. To me it shows one's level of committment to God, and if I ever get married again, it will be to a committed Christian sent by God. I'm glad your date went well, just keep your standards and you will know if she is the right one in time.
God Bless,
Betty

[Musicdude]

She must be something else if you pondering these kinds of questions.
I know everytime I didn't heed the red flags people got hurt.
As tough as it is for me to talk about such things with anyone, I am learning to do that and it is paying off.
I'll be praying for you.
Keep us posted though.
Blessings,

Angie

Yeah, she is really amazing. But I know I need to bring up the spiritual issues, and I guess I have just been afraid to so far, because I think I know what will happen when I do. I think we will find out that our beliefs are quite different, and neither of us will be willing to compromise them. And I will be back to waiting again. I hate waiting. :(

[Musicdude]

First of all, I'm glad to see this thread is still alive!!! My hat goes off to you Wayne. You are indeed a rare breed. I pray God will send you that special someone. It sounds like you are a strong Christian man, so just keep up the good work and God will do the rest for you; he knows the desires of your heart. It will be well worth the wait. I feel a Christian man that can control himself is definitely a blessing. I agree w/Angie about a lot of Christian men not thinking fornication is wrong. God plainly states it is and that is a major requirement for me also....actually one of the first questions I would ask. To me it shows one's level of committment to God, and if I ever get married again, it will be to a committed Christian sent by God. I'm glad your date went well, just keep your standards and you will know if she is the right one in time.
God Bless,
Betty

Thanks for the compliment.
I know God will bring my right-woman to me. But I just got all excited thinking she was the one, and probably overlooked a lot of things that I shouldn't have overlooked. Oh well, there's no time like the present.

I just emailed her a PDF of a book (only about 45 pages) that my old pastor wrote many years ago. It outlines and very briefly explains most of the basic doctrines I believe in, and it cites all the appropriate scripture references. I asked her to read that when she gets a chance and let me know what she thinks about it. Her reaction to that will give me a pretty good idea of what she believes.

[imperfect]

Thanks for the compliment.
I know God will bring my right-woman to me. But I just got all excited thinking she was the one, and probably overlooked a lot of things that I shouldn't have overlooked. Oh well, there's no time like the present.

I just emailed her a PDF of a book (only about 45 pages) that my old pastor wrote many years ago. It outlines and very briefly explains most of the basic doctrines I believe in, and it cites all the appropriate scripture references. I asked her to read that when she gets a chance and let me know what she thinks about it. Her reaction to that will give me a pretty good idea of what she believes.
Nice way to bring it up. Sending it to her in an email allows her to process the information and not feel as if you are confronting her.
I would follow up with a phone call to talk about what you sent.

Yes waiting is a bummer and difficult. We need to stand together to help each other through this cuz walking this walk with God AIN'T easy. We all become impatient and like to help God along! :)
You hang in there!
Keep us posted.
Hugs,
Angie

[Musicdude]

Nice way to bring it up. Sending it to her in an email allows her to process the information and not feel as if you are confronting her.
I would follow up with a phone call to talk about what you sent.

Yes waiting is a bummer and difficult. We need to stand together to help each other through this cuz walking this walk with God AIN'T easy. We all become impatient and like to help God along! :)
You hang in there!
Keep us posted.
Hugs,
Angie

I did call her and told her that I sent it. I told her that if she would read it she would get a good basic overview of most of the basic doctrines that I believe. So we'll see how she reacts to it. I don't think she has gone very far in her walk, but maybe it's only because she hasn't had a pastor who has challenged her. So maybe once she gets exposed to some good teaching she will latch onto it. I don't really care about what she has or hasn't done in the past. I just care about what her attitude is right now, and whether or not I think it is genuine and will last.

[SueQ]

When someone asks for more info, you sure do dole it out! ;)

Anyway, you are a rare (and wonderful) breed of man.....stick to your standards and be wise about staying out of tempting situations. You are being most fair by letting her know where you stand from the get-go. Your method is a good one too. Just a couple things to think about:

1. Be careful to assume she isn't a virgin. It's better to assume she is than isn't....in case she might be offended...:eek: ...also, it is possible to stay in the same house and not engage in physical relations. Not for many, but for some. (How big is the house? ;) )

2. Someone asked the question if you would consider dating someone who wasn't marriage material.......My answer used to be "why not?".....but having been in that situation and finding myself a single mother of 10 year old, now I would change my answer.....There has to be a definite line between hanging out with someone and dating them....

[Musicdude]

1. Be careful to assume she isn't a virgin. It's better to assume she is than isn't....in case she might be offended...:eek: ...also, it is possible to stay in the same house and not engage in physical relations. Not for many, but for some. (How big is the house? ;) )

I wouldn't assume that, and if I did, I would keep it to myself. But I'm not neive either.

2. Someone asked the question if you would consider dating someone who wasn't marriage material.......My answer used to be "why not?".....but having been in that situation and finding myself a single mother of 10 year old, now I would change my answer.....There has to be a definite line between hanging out with someone and dating them....

I hear ya.

Anyway, you are a rare (and wonderful) breed of man.....

I have been very fortunate to have been exposed to some excellent bible teaching from a very young age. Anything worthwhile in my life is a direct result of that. But thanks for the compliment.

[draw627]

Sounds like you're doing all the right things, keep up the good work .... :)

[ausgirl]

Yeah, she is really amazing. But I know I need to bring up the spiritual issues, and I guess I have just been afraid to so far, because I think I know what will happen when I do. I think we will find out that our beliefs are quite different, and neither of us will be willing to compromise them. And I will be back to waiting again. I hate waiting. :(
I've been here too, the waiting part I mean, but what I've had to do is continually remind myself that I do not want to be outside God's will for my life by forcing something that He really doesn't want for me. You could do it your way and ignore your better judgement (holy spirit whispers) and take the relationship thing into your own hands. Hey, we've all been there! But no matter how much I want something, how much I wish that guy was God's intended, if I pray "Lord if this is outside of your will for my life, take this away, shut this door", I have to be willing to accept the result, no matter how painful it is, or how much I want it to happen, I have to accept that this is how God wants it to be for me and reassure myself that He has only the best plans for my life.

Re the celebicy thing - I am sooooooooooooooooooooo sick of medical people looking at me like I am seriously demented, deformed, insane or whatever when I explain for the hundredth time why I don't need to do this test, etc, etc. I am tired of being made to feel guilty, ashamed, embarrased or just plain weird for my purity. Again I have to remind myself that it is God who I answer to and think of how honoured I will feel on my wedding night if my man is pure also.
These people seem to think that if you are the big 'V', then obviously that means you don't desire the opposite sex, have all the natural desires, needs and wants of the sexually active public, WRONG!!!!!

[imperfect]

Re the celebicy thing - I am sooooooooooooooooooooo sick of medical people looking at me like I am seriously demented, deformed, insane or whatever when I explain for the hundredth time why I don't need to do this test, etc, etc. I am tired of being made to feel guilty, ashamed, embarrased or just plain weird for my purity. Again I have to remind myself that it is God who I answer to and think of how honoured I will feel on my wedding night if my man is pure also.
These people seem to think that if you are the big 'V', then obviously that means you don't desire the opposite sex, have all the natural desires, needs and wants of the sexually active public, WRONG!!!!!

I soooo agree. Many look at celibate and virgin persons as abnormal yet accept sexually active but unmarried folks as normal. It's unfair and does make me feel as if I have to defend my celibate position with my regular doctors. My gynecologist is thrilled to see that I have chosen this lifestyle after my divorce.

Now regarding hoping your man is pure on your wedding night, that is a tough one cuz we can't control another persons' past.

[Musicdude]

I've been here too, the waiting part I mean, but what I've had to do is continually remind myself that I do not want to be outside God's will for my life by forcing something that He really doesn't want for me. You could do it your way and ignore your better judgement (holy spirit whispers) and take the relationship thing into your own hands. Hey, we've all been there! But no matter how much I want something, how much I wish that guy was God's intended, if I pray "Lord if this is outside of your will for my life, take this away, shut this door", I have to be willing to accept the result, no matter how painful it is, or how much I want it to happen, I have to accept that this is how God wants it to be for me and reassure myself that He has only the best plans for my life.

Great attitude. And that is really the only way to look at it, if you want God's will. You have to submit to His will, and sometimes it's not easy. Waiting is one of the hardest things to do, but usually the most rewarding.

Psa 27:14 Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD.

Isa 40:31 Yet those who wait for the LORD Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.

Re the celebicy thing - I am sooooooooooooooooooooo sick of medical people looking at me like I am seriously demented, deformed, insane or whatever when I explain for the hundredth time why I don't need to do this test, etc, etc. I am tired of being made to feel guilty, ashamed, embarrased or just plain weird for my purity. Again I have to remind myself that it is God who I answer to and think of how honoured I will feel on my wedding night if my man is pure also.
These people seem to think that if you are the big 'V', then obviously that means you don't desire the opposite sex, have all the natural desires, needs and wants of the sexually active public, WRONG!!!!!

Amen!
If anything, you want it more than most, because you have waited so long. It's not easy, but it's right. It really helps to know you aren't the only one.

[Musicdude]

Now regarding hoping your man is pure on your wedding night, that is a tough one cuz we can't control another persons' past.

No, but you can hope. :)

Like I said, I wouldn't condemn my future wife if she isn't a virgin, but it would be a very nice surprise if she was.

[patts]

I soooo agree. Many look at celibate and virgin persons as abnormal yet accept sexually active but unmarried folks as normal. It's unfair and does make me feel as if I have to defend my celibate position with my regular doctors. My gynecologist is thrilled to see that I have chosen this lifestyle after my divorce.

Now regarding hoping your man is pure on your wedding night, that is a tough one cuz we can't control another persons' past.

hey let me tell you guys somthing,.,, they may look at you that way.. as in weird, but on the inside, they desire the strength you have. I was once in a night club, all my then friends werent holy let say, but i kept my self pure,etc, they would come up to me half drunk and say how bad they felt for their behaviour and how I am strong etc ( i wasnt a christian at this time..though)

you know what happens when you guys stand your ground???? YOU CONVICT THEM!!FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT!!, IVE Seen God answer prayers, ive heard many people say im getting old it will never happen blah and all that.. GUESS WHAT.!! it did.. we serve an almighty God that loves us and his desire is to bless us remember Matt 6.33
and let me add to this, Job, thru faith believed in God, and did all the religious stuff of the day, but through his sufferrings, HE GOT to Meet him and know him, and i love that line.. ( paraphrasing ) ive seen him and i repent in dust and ashes... you guys check it out..
and let me add EPHESIANS 1:8-15 ( READ IT GUYS)
I am divorced, ( ten years ) im 35 i swore i wouldnt wait ten years for a guy.. when a CHRISTIAN woman ministered to me, guess what.. IVE WAITED.. lol What has God done for me in that time, ???simple.. he showed up!
its not easy being single, our flesh craves affection we all want to be loved, and we all dont like waiting..but we are overcomers in Christ, stand strong.. and believe that God can do it for YOU..

How regularly do u guys pray for a spouse?? I can tell you ive been praying for his safety health you name it.. God has even woken me up to pray for him
and remember, as you pray for your future hubby or wife and make your requests known, God moulds them... and this applies for you to.. as they pray for YOU .... God moulds you.. into their prayer requests!!
hehe
i hope this blessed yas
take care
Patts

[imperfect]

Welcome to the Celibates R US thread Patts!

You mentioned something very important that I like; the suffering philosphy.
Maybe it's because others, including ourselves, see purity as "suffering" that we have struggle with it? Just throwing it out there for additional thoughts.

Perhaps there are two types of suffering:
1. Persecution at the hands of others
2. The consequences of our own unwillingness to obey God

To me celibacy is non-issue in my life now. I would no more break this covenant with God than I would commit adultery or worship a frog.

I am going to pray more about this.
Thank you for adding your great comments and joining the band!
Blessings,
Angie

[patts]

Welcome to the Celibates R US thread Patts!

You mentioned something very important that I like; the suffering philosphy.
Maybe it's because others, including ourselves, see purity as "suffering" that we have struggle with it? Just throwing it out there for additional thoughts.

Perhaps there are two types of suffering:
1. Persecution at the hands of others
2. The consequences of our own unwillingness to obey God

To me celibacy is non-issue in my life now. I would no more break this covenant with God than I would commit adultery or worship a frog.

I am going to pray more about this.
Thank you for adding your great comments and joining the band!
Blessings,
Angie

hey angie, well i can relate it to sufferrings.. coz.. lets face it..
some sin is fun!, and we are constantly crucifying the sinful nature of the flesh in order to Obey.. our loving God... and lets face it there is a reason to why we should only have one partner...ie Gods ways are higher than our ways.., he knew that 2 became one.. he knew the effects of disease and sickness ( std';s etc)
It does say somewhere.. that we do not suffer as the world does, but our sufferrings produce good fruit..perserverance etc..it does feel like we are being punished.. at times.. thats the flesh...saying oooooooooooo i wanna have this..etc but when we think of the reality of what we are doing and how it protects us big time... we should seriously thank GOd for his goodness.. and wisdom.

[NurseBettyLu]

I made no big plans to wind up this way, it just so happens that sex is not important enough to me for me to sell myself cheaply for it. When the man comes along who is willing to commit to me for life by giving me his ring and his name, then we'll talk.

[patts]

I made no big plans to wind up this way, it just so happens that sex is not important enough to me for me to sell myself cheaply for it. When the man comes along who is willing to commit to me for life by giving me his ring and his name, then we'll talk.

i think most of us do feel that way...;)

[NurseBettyLu]

But if only people would quit trying to FIX ME UP!! How do I go about convincing people that I'm okay just like I am? It is my intention that first my sufficiency be in Christ alone, and not in being Mrs. Somebody. That's secondary.

[patts]

But if only people would quit trying to FIX ME UP!! How do I go about convincing people that I'm okay just like I am? It is my intention that first my sufficiency be in Christ alone, and not in being Mrs. Somebody. That's secondary.

thing is.. sometimes.. that revelation is yours alone...
:)

[Musicdude]

Well, I haven't been on here in a while. So here's an update, for those who care.

The girl I was talking about before, Sherri, I sent her that book as I said, and I never heard from her again. That was my answer. It wasn't the answer I wanted, but I accepted it, because God knows whats best for me better than I do. Hence I was alone again, but I'm used to it.

But then.......

I met this other girl (Kim). And not only do I not have to compromise any of my beliefs or values with her, but she agrees with them. And we have had two and three hour talks, and guess what we talked about? GOD!!!
I've never dated anyone who would talk to me about the Lord as much as she does. It is so awesome! And it doesn't hurt that she is fun, and considerate, and extremely pretty. I've been on three dates with her so far, and we've got about four more planned in the weeks to come. I hate to get too hopeful, but she is different than anyone else I've ever dated. And the main thing is that she loves the Lord, and is not ashamed to say it, or talk about it, but proud of it.

So, I don't want to get my hopes too high, just in case, but I am anyway.

[patts]

Well, I haven't been on here in a while. So here's an update, for those who care.

The girl I was talking about before, Sherri, I sent her that book as I said, and I never heard from her again. That was my answer. It wasn't the answer I wanted, but I accepted it, because God knows whats best for me better than I do. Hence I was alone again, but I'm used to it.

But then.......

I met this other girl (Kim). And not only do I not have to compromise any of my beliefs or values with her, but she agrees with them. And we have had two and three hour talks, and guess what we talked about? GOD!!!
I've never dated anyone who would talk to me about the Lord as much as she does. It is so awesome! And it doesn't hurt that she is fun, and considerate, and extremely pretty. I've been on three dates with her so far, and we've got about four more planned in the weeks to come. I hate to get too hopeful, but she is different than anyone else I've ever dated. And the main thing is that she loves the Lord, and is not ashamed to say it, or talk about it, but proud of it.

So, I don't want to get my hopes too high, just in case, but I am anyway.

Well, heyyyyyyy keep praying and praying.. i so hope things work out for you!!:D

[Musicdude]

Well, heyyyyyyy keep praying and praying.. i so hope things work out for you!!:D

Thanks. :)


I like your handle. I've seen the Princess Bride about 50 times. I can quote every line. lol

"You have a truly dizzying intellect."
"Wait till I get going." :D

[patts]

Thanks. :)


I like your handle. I've seen the Princess Bride about 50 times. I can quote every line. lol

"You have a truly dizzying intellect."
"Wait till I get going." :D

incontheivable!!

ps..SPANIARD ROCKS.. HE use to be all ": bones ": back then eh
now he stars in it. haaaa!:rolleyes: :)

[Musicdude]

incontheivable!!

ps..SPANIARD ROCKS.. HE use to be all ": bones ": back then eh
now he stars in it. haaaa!:rolleyes: :)

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

Ok, I'll stop now. This could be a whole thread. lol

[patts]

"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means."

Ok, I'll stop now. This could be a whole thread. lol


ummmmmmmmmmm ok

should i delet that post????:confused:

[Musicdude]

ummmmmmmmmmm ok

should i delet that post????:confused:

Why? It's all in good fun. I was just saying, if started quoting lines from that movie, I could make a whole thread just about that.

[patts]

Why? It's all in good fun. I was just saying, if started quoting lines from that movie, I could make a whole thread just about that.
ooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooo lol ok..!haha now i get it..:)

[Evanescence]

Ok, back to the serious question....

I heard a sermon once from a Bible church pastor about finding a spouse. He said that God does NOT fix us up with people...

So, how about it? Does he or doesn't he?

Is it more of an unlikley thing or are we free to choose? If we wait for God to send someone our way....will we be waiting a while?

He quoted scritpure but I can't rmemeber what he said, passage wise. Any help?

More to come...:)

[Musicdude]

Ok, back to the serious question....

I heard a sermon once from a Bible church pastor about finding a spouse. He said that God does NOT fix us up with people...

So, how about it? Does he or doesn't he?

Is it more of an unlikley thing or are we free to choose? If we wait for God to send someone our way....will we be waiting a while?

He quoted scritpure but I can't rmemeber what he said, passage wise. Any help?

More to come...:)

Here is one place that scripture talks about it.

Gen 2:18 Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him."

Gen 2:22 The LORD God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man.

He decided that Adam needed a mate, so He created one just for him, and brought her to him. Why would we be any different?

[ausgirl]

Here is one place that scripture talks about it.




He decided that Adam needed a mate, so He created one just for him, and brought her to him. Why would we be any different?
Exactly! I would rather my creator who know's me better than I know myself, who knows the number of hairs on my head and has my tears stored up (boy He must have some jar collection!), set me up than my friends or colleagues who think they know what I want!!
Sure I believe God plays a role in matchmaker, afterall the bible tells us he has our lives mapped out even before our conception - so why not something as important as who we will spend alot of our lives with?

[Jason]

On the other hand ...

KJV Proverbs 18:22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

[patts]

guys n gals..

you gotta listen to this sermon!!
this guy is pretty funny and the truth of God in his teaching is just so brilliant..
he said.. when God told adam, that he needed a companion... first thing he did was make adam Go to sleep!!! theres a lot in that..
and also.. he coulda gone for a gorilla lol but that wasnt GOds plan..;)

I hope you guys take the time out to listen to this..
its pretty fantastic and it will encourage you
bless ya heaps
http://www.joncourson.com/teaching/teachingsplay.asp?teachin g=S3002

[Musicdude]

Exactly! I would rather my creator who know's me better than I know myself, who knows the number of hairs on my head and has my tears stored up (boy He must have some jar collection!), set me up than my friends or colleagues who think they know what I want!!
Sure I believe God plays a role in matchmaker, afterall the bible tells us he has our lives mapped out even before our conception - so why not something as important as who we will spend alot of our lives with?

True.

Like you said, God has His hand in every other part of our lives. For instance, I know for a fact that He gave me the job I have right now. I also know for a fact that He gave me the house I'm in right now. Both of those things came about by almost miraculous circumstances. But if God cares where I work, and He cares where I live, surely He cares who I marry. The one decision on who you will marry, has more impact on your life just about any other decision you will ever make. There are a couple other ones, like will I believe in Christ, and will I obey Him. But aside from those, who you will marry is just about the most important decision you will ever make. If God has a plan for every other part of your life, don't you think He has a plan for that too? I do.

[larryl]

Here is one place that scripture talks about it.




He decided that Adam needed a mate, so He created one just for him, and brought her to him. Why would we be any different?

we are different. why? that was before the fall. we shouldn't expect things to be the same now. God also physically walked with adam and eve daily.....

[larryl]

Sure I believe God plays a role in matchmaker, afterall the bible tells us he has our lives mapped out even before our conception - so why not something as important as who we will spend alot of our lives with?


this comes a little too close to predestination for my tastes. God knows what we will do, who we will choose. that doesn't mean He forces us into it.

He knew i would marry my ex-wife. He knew we would get a divorce. going by your thinking, He planned it that way, while saying He hates divorce.....

there is free will involved here, too. i don't think sitting around waiting for the "right one" to fall in front of us is what God had in mind, and i can see no scripture to back up that line of thinking.

[Musicdude]

this comes a little too close to predestination for my tastes. God knows what we will do, who we will choose. that doesn't mean He forces us into it.

He knew i would marry my ex-wife. He knew we would get a divorce. going by your thinking, He planned it that way, while saying He hates divorce.....

there is free will involved here, too. i don't think sitting around waiting for the "right one" to fall in front of us is what God had in mind, and i can see no scripture to back up that line of thinking.

I don't think that was what she was saying. And that's certainly not what I'm saying. God has a perfect plan for your life, assuming every decision you make in your life is the one He wanted you to make. Of course we don't always make the decsions He wants us to make, but that doesn't mean that He didn't plan for us to.

In other words, He created someone who would be perfect for you. And whether or not you two ever end up together depends on whether or not you follow His guidance throughout your life, specifically when finding a mate.

I don't see why mankind sinning, and thus "falling" is a reason to believe God suddenly stops caring how our lives are lived. Marriage is a HUGE part of life. Once you marry someone, from that point on, just about every decision you make is based on that other person, or you at least take them into consideration. If God has a plan for our lives, who we marry can have a great impact on how we carry out that plan, or not. She/He can be a great help to you, and you both can accomplish God's will together. Or he/she can fight you every step of the way, and make it that much harder for you to follow God. I've known both types of couples, personally. And there is everything in between those two extremes. But the fact is, that who you marry will have an impact on your spiritual life, either for the better or for the worse. So I would think God would have a preference for us.

Psa 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart.

A Godly wife is what my heart desires more than anything else, save a closer relationship with God.

[larryl]

i wasn't saying He no longer cares who we marry. just that He no longer brings them to us, like eve to adam.

i think what bothers me is the whole barlow-girl-i'm-just-waiting attitude, of just sitting around waiting on that perfect guy or girl. i see no scriptural backing for it, and that's what i got from the earlier posts...that attitude.

[Musicdude]

i wasn't saying He no longer cares who we marry. just that He no longer brings them to us, like eve to adam.

I don't think you can prove that scripturally. Maybe I can't prove mine either. But at least there is some precedent for my theory, like Adam and Eve.

i think what bothers me is the whole barlow-girl-i'm-just-waiting attitude, of just sitting around waiting on that perfect guy or girl. i see no scriptural backing for it, and that's what i got from the earlier posts...that attitude.

I have to agree with that attitude. To me, this verse applies.

Psa 37:4 Delight yourself in the LORD; And He will give you the desires of your heart.

And this one..

Mat 6:33 "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.


The common thread is not to worry about the details of life, but to make God your focus and let Him worry about those things. And He'll bring them to you when He knows you are ready. I have been studying the doctrine of right man/right woman for about a year and a half now, and I'm more convinced now than I ever have been that it is true.

That's not to say that there is anything wrong with dating, or trying to meet people for relationships. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But it's not necessary to meet the person God wants you to be with. He can bring them to you, no matter where you are, and no matter if you are looking or not.

[ausgirl]

this comes a little too close to predestination for my tastes. God knows what we will do, who we will choose. that doesn't mean He forces us into it.

He knew i would marry my ex-wife. He knew we would get a divorce. going by your thinking, He planned it that way, while saying He hates divorce.....

there is free will involved here, too. i don't think sitting around waiting for the "right one" to fall in front of us is what God had in mind, and i can see no scripture to back up that line of thinking.

I do not believe in predestination at all, and I certainly don't mean I am sitting around expecting God to drop Mr Right from the sky!

While God has plans set for our lives, we also have free will. This means that while we may do what we think is right, we can certainly be outside his will. I've heard it described like this: If you are going to catch a train to a certain destination, maybe you might get on the wrong train, which takes you to a whole lot more stops than you intended, while you ultimately end up in the same place, where you wanted to go, it took you a whole lot longer to arrive. Our ability to make choices in our lives, may mean we end up at alot of places God didn't want us to - He knew we'd end up there, but it wasn't in His plan but in OURS. The choices we make affect how long it takes us to arrive where we are meant to be.
This is why, especially in the area of relationships, I always pray, Lord if this is not your will, then close the doors, while I may really want to be in a relationship, I don't want to be outside God's will for my life and thus make bad decisions.

Hope this makes sense.

[Evanescence]

I do not believe in predestination at all, and I certainly don't mean I am sitting around expecting God to drop Mr Right from the sky!

While God has plans set for our lives, we also have free will. This means that while we may do what we think is right, we can certainly be outside his will. I've heard it described like this: If you are going to catch a train to a certain destination, maybe you might get on the wrong train, which takes you to a whole lot more stops than you intended, while you ultimately end up in the same place, where you wanted to go, it took you a whole lot longer to arrive. Our ability to make choices in our lives, may mean we end up at alot of places God didn't want us to - He knew we'd end up there, but it wasn't in His plan but in OURS. The choices we make affect how long it takes us to arrive where we are meant to be.
This is why, especially in the area of relationships, I always pray, Lord if this is not your will, then close the doors, while I may really want to be in a relationship, I don't want to be outside God's will for my life and thus make bad decisions.

Hope this makes sense.

Many, many times, people have waited for signs from God, only to be dissappointed. It is BAD for a man or woman to be alone. The crisis in the Catholic Church is a clear indication of this, as is the words in Genesis. Paul's teachings on this have been so misconstrude and distorted that it has created a massive problem for the church.

Being in a bad relationship is really bad, but being lonely and alone is as well. being in a GREAT relationship is the BEST...soemthing we all have the power to be in. We need to be loved and touched.....almost all of us. There are a very select few who are what i call ZERO-sexual, meaning they don't want to be touched or loved or even have sex. They should remain unmarried until they change...or stay that way unmarried. But they are an exception to the rule.

People need to stop feeling sorry for themselves, get some self esteem, quit making excuses and get busy finding a mate. If it is not meant to be, God will send a clear signal. But, if you wait for him to send prince charming, you may waste your entire life and be miserable doing so.

As for remaining pure? The word has been mis-used. No one is pure. Its like saying your prefect. We all have thoughts, whether they be .000000000001% or on a larger scale. We may try to be as pure as possible, or more pure than others, but we're never pure in that sense of the word. For me, I kept myself busy and studied the word. But, it still happened.

[Musicdude]

Many, many times, people have waited for signs from God, only to be dissappointed. It is BAD for a man or woman to be alone. The crisis in the Catholic Church is a clear indication of this, as is the words in Genesis. Paul's teachings on this have been so misconstrude and distorted that it has created a massive problem for the church.

Catholics aside, every time I have asked God for a sign He has given it to me. There has not been one time in my life where I truly wanted God's will that He did not make it extremely clear to me what His will was.

People need to stop feeling for themselves, get some self esteem, quit making excuses and get busy finding a mate. If it is not meant to be, God will send a clear signal. But, if you wait for him to send prince charming, you may waste your entire life and be miserable doing so.

But if He does bring someone when you aren't even looking, it's a much clearer sign that He wants you to be with that person. I mean if you date a lot of people, eventually you will find someone who you can live with, and if you let your lonliness think for you, you will make the wrong choice in choosing a mate. I don't want to settle for anything less than what God wants for me.

As for remaining pure? The word has been mis-used. No one is pure. Its like saying your prefect. We all have thoughts, whether they be .000000000001% or on a larger scale. We may try to be as pure as possible, or more pure than others, but we're never pure in that sense of the word. For me, I kept myself busy and studied the word. But, it still happened.

With pre-marrital sex comes baggage. And that baggage will be a problem. Sometimes it can be a big problem, other times it's not. That depends on a lot of different things. But it is much better to come into a relationship with as little emotional baggage as possible. Marriage and children and all that goes with it is difficult enough, without bringing a bag full of issues into it.

Speaking from personal experience, it is worth the wait. I am celibate because God told me to be. I'm doing it for my own edification, not for my wife. If I marry a woman who has been divorced three times, I will still not regret the fact that I waited until marriage to have sex.

[patts]

let me share somthing with you

When i was in church many years ago, when i was dating my ex husband,
the Holy Spirit spoke to me via a stranger..

He said wait..dont do it.. and GOd will open the door when he is ready..[/FONT][/SIZE]

Now.. God was truly involved in that, he warned me..not to marry my ex
at the time I couldnt understand why.. and i was a very very young xtian with a secular frame of mind.. that was stronger than it is now..
I took a look at the ": weirdos ": and thought.. i cant date these people they are too weird.. ( lol let me tell you.. if ya';d seen them you woulda thought they were a weird mob too lol )
I after all these years and going though the divorce.. can SEE why the Holy Spirit spoke to me about Marriage.. TO PREVENT a whole heap of hurt and grief.. that shows me.. that GOD IS VERY ACTIVE.. IN THAT CHOICE AND DECISION PROCESS...
i agree.. you gotta get out there...be seen.. but God will bring that person to you.. your part is to be obedient and walk in his will.. AND ASK!:D

[larryl]

That's not to say that there is anything wrong with dating, or trying to meet people for relationships. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. But it's not necessary to meet the person God wants you to be with. He can bring them to you, no matter where you are, and no matter if you are looking or not.

but what happens when that person asks you out, and you're so busy not dating, that you don't even realize it?

[larryl]

I do not believe in predestination at all, and I certainly don't mean I am sitting around expecting God to drop Mr Right from the sky!

While God has plans set for our lives, we also have free will. This means that while we may do what we think is right, we can certainly be outside his will. I've heard it described like this: If you are going to catch a train to a certain destination, maybe you might get on the wrong train, which takes you to a whole lot more stops than you intended, while you ultimately end up in the same place, where you wanted to go, it took you a whole lot longer to arrive. Our ability to make choices in our lives, may mean we end up at alot of places God didn't want us to - He knew we'd end up there, but it wasn't in His plan but in OURS. The choices we make affect how long it takes us to arrive where we are meant to be.
This is why, especially in the area of relationships, I always pray, Lord if this is not your will, then close the doors, while I may really want to be in a relationship, I don't want to be outside God's will for my life and thus make bad decisions.

Hope this makes sense.

that is a VERY good explanation. i have explained it much the same way, many times...... i'm glad you aren't sitting around waiting.... too many people are.

[Musicdude]

but what happens when that person asks you out, and you're so busy not dating, that you don't even realize it?

lol. I guess if that person is worth you breaking your no-dating vow, then you know they are special.

I didn't really mean never dating. I meant not really pro-actively looking for someone to date. Of course regardless of whether you are not dating, when you meet the right person, all that stuff goes out the window. :D

[Evanescence]

Meeting and marrying someone who is troubled, ungodly or has issues (I hate all these labels) can be a complete NIGHTMARE....

But, meeting someone who is a good Christian, Godly person can be too. Many a marriage has failed because beliefs clash and/or the one preson becomes more radical/kooky and the other person can't stand it.

I know of several couples who broke up because the other was constantly preaching, sin pointing and paranoid to do anything.

Finding a good Christian partner to marry is a GREAT idea, but it isn't fool proof. One must always be wary of strongholds...even religious ones....

[larryl]

of course.... i don't know what my issue is.... 3 years divorced, and i haven't even asked anyone out. :eek:

i might as well say i am waiting. that would at least give me an excuse. :D

[Musicdude]

But, meeting someone who is a good Christian, Godly person can be too. Many a marriage has failed because beliefs clash and/or the one preson becomes more radical/kooky and the other person can't stand it.

To me, Godly is not radical or kooky. Religious might be, but Godly isn't.
Christ wasn't a radical kook. So if someone is truly Christlike, they are not a radical kook either.

[larryl]

To me, Godly is not radical or kooky. Religious might be, but Godly isn't.
Christ wasn't a radical kook. So if someone is truly Christlike, they are not a radical kook either.


i think maybe he meant more getting into some of the strange stuff that gets associated with christianity sometimes. and it can indeed cause lots of problems.

[Musicdude]

i think maybe he meant more getting into some of the strange stuff that gets associated with christianity sometimes. and it can indeed cause lots of problems.

He used the word "Godly" and I was merely pointing out that true "Godliness" does not cause marrital problems. It does not cause any problems, but instead solves them.

[Evanescence]

To me, Godly is not radical or kooky. Religious might be, but Godly isn't.
Christ wasn't a radical kook. So if someone is truly Christlike, they are not a radical kook either.

Yes, I agree....but to be honest, you really don't ever know anybody till you're married. You can try to surmise by getting to know them and asking a lot of questions. There is no way of knowing if someone is TRULY Christlike...you can only get close with assumptions.

Having coomn beliefs and goals is key....ignoring a potential problem will come back to bite you...:( ..and radical Christians CAN be a problem....:o

[Musicdude]

Yes, I agree....but to be honest, you really don't ever know anybody till you're married. You can try to surmise by getting to know them and asking a lot of questions. There is no way of knowing if someone is TRULY Christlike...you can only get close with assumptions.

Having coomn beliefs and goals is key....ignoring a potential problem will come back to bite you...:( ..and radical Christians CAN be a problem....:o

For that matter how in the world can you date someone for a year (give or take) and determine whether or not you can love that person for the rest of your life, raise children together and just basically live with them for the rest of your life?

That's why it is crucial that you seek God's guidance in choosing a mate. Because He can know all those things, and He wants the best for you. Whether you believe He created someone specifically for you or not, He definitely knows whether the person you are dating will work as a wife/husband for you in the long run.

[ausgirl]

For that matter how in the world can you date someone for a year (give or take) and determine whether or not you can love that person for the rest of your life, raise children together and just basically live with them for the rest of your life?

That's why it is crucial that you seek God's guidance in choosing a mate. Because He can know all those things, and He wants the best for you. Whether you believe He created someone specifically for you or not, He definitely knows whether the person you are dating will work as a wife/husband for you in the long run.
Amen!

[patts]

thing is right.. people change.. all the time..

being in love isnt about romance either.. its about doing the hard yards..
being there when they turn ya off lol.. when they chuck a mental.. when its not so pretty.. are you still gunna be there?

love isnt a feeling... its an act of your will.

[imperfect]

Well, I haven't been on here in a while. So here's an update, for those who care.

The girl I was talking about before, Sherri, I sent her that book as I said, and I never heard from her again. That was my answer. It wasn't the answer I wanted, but I accepted it, because God knows whats best for me better than I do. Hence I was alone again, but I'm used to it.

But then.......

I met this other girl (Kim). And not only do I not have to compromise any of my beliefs or values with her, but she agrees with them. And we have had two and three hour talks, and guess what we talked about? GOD!!!
I've never dated anyone who would talk to me about the Lord as much as she does. It is so awesome! And it doesn't hurt that she is fun, and considerate, and extremely pretty. I've been on three dates with her so far, and we've got about four more planned in the weeks to come. I hate to get too hopeful, but she is different than anyone else I've ever dated. And the main thing is that she loves the Lord, and is not ashamed to say it, or talk about it, but proud of it.

So, I don't want to get my hopes too high, just in case, but I am anyway.

AWESOME!
Since you are being cautious, we'll be too hopeful for you then ok?

[imperfect]

of course.... i don't know what my issue is.... 3 years divorced, and i haven't even asked anyone out. :eek:

i might as well say i am waiting. that would at least give me an excuse. :D
Brother, you'll know when it's the right time. It's only been a year, afterall. You were married longer!

I started dating about a year after mine, only to realize I was NO WAY near ready.
My time is precious. I find dating to be a waste of time, especially with people I don't know! UGH.
I prefer the getting to know someone as a friend first with no pressure then allowing that relationship to transform into something deeper.

[larryl]

Brother, you'll know when it's the right time. It's only been a year, afterall. You were married longer!

I started dating about a year after mine, only to realize I was NO WAY near ready.
My time is precious. I find dating to be a waste of time, especially with people I don't know! UGH.
I prefer the getting to know someone as a friend first with no pressure then allowing that relationship to transform into something deeper.

you might want to read my post again. it's been 3 years, not 1.... and i was married for about 2 1/2.....

actually, it's been more like 3 1/2 now... how time flies when you're having fun.

[Musicdude]

AWESOME!
Since you are being cautious, we'll be too hopeful for you then ok?

Thanks. :)

[Evanescence]

thing is right.. people change.. all the time..

being in love isnt about romance either.. its about doing the hard yards..
being there when they turn ya off lol.. when they chuck a mental.. when its not so pretty.. are you still gunna be there?

love isnt a feeling... its an act of your will.

That was my point. No matter what we think or hope, betrayal can and does come our way. I never thought the people who stabbed me in the back would have done it....it was amazing. But, I learned to live with it and came to the understanding that virtually NO ONE can be trusted, except God.

Now, this doesn't mean i trust my wife, but I still know she's human and has weaknesses. I wouldn't be surprised. Further, we can try our best to pick a partner that is compatable with us and us with them, but in the end, things CAN change....yes, even with Jesus in the picture.

I asked my wife a LOT of personal questions befor we married....when she satlled or lied, I worked her for the truth. I can tell when people are lying and stalling so not much gets by this old boy. I wante to be as sure as I could that we were on the same page. The old addage, Love concurs all only goes so far. If you aren't compatable...then its no use. If YOU or THEY have issues, the relationship will suffer.

My buddy married a sweet, "Good Christian" girl..."pure" and all that good stuff and found out she was a controlling, drama queen, preachy hypocrit, spoiled brat, rich girl, bawl baby, witch and had his hands full. One day he would give me advice about my marriage, then next he said he wanted to beat the crap out of her for her ignorant mouth. Finally i told him to fix his own problems first, I'll take care of my own. So much for the perfect Christian marriage.

Point is, don't let the fact someone is a virgin, celebate and a chruch goer fool you into believing they are perfect and all will be well when you marry. look for strongholds, character flaws and strong points and other key things in a persons life AS WELL as the fact they are a Christian, then you'll know what kind of person they are....to a point.

As for the "Keeping yourself pure" comments. I won't comment much on that due to the favortism and censoring that has been running rampant of late. I will say that the word used in conjunction with huamn sexuality is a untrue statement. There isn't a man or woman that walks this earth, married or unmarried, that doesn't have sexual thoughts from tiem to time. If they are in any kind of interaction with the oppisite sex, it will surely happen. no one is perfect, and no one is pure. Close, but not perfect. Other labels and words should be used for the true description.

Thank you :cool:

[patts]

That was my point. No matter what we think or hope, betrayal can and does come our way. I never thought the people who stabbed me in the back would have done it....it was amazing. But, I learned to live with it and came to the understanding that virtually NO ONE can be trusted, except God.

Now, this doesn't mean i trust my wife, but I still know she's human and has weaknesses. I wouldn't be surprised. Further, we can try our best to pick a partner that is compatable with us and us with them, but in the end, things CAN change....yes, even with Jesus in the picture.

I asked my wife a LOT of personal questions befor we married....when she satlled or lied, I worked her for the truth. I can tell when people are lying and stalling so not much gets by this old boy. I wante to be as sure as I could that we were on the same page. The old addage, Love concurs all only goes so far. If you aren't compatable...then its no use. If YOU or THEY have issues, the relationship will suffer.

My buddy married a sweet, "Good Christian" girl..."pure" and all that good stuff and found out she was a controlling, drama queen, preachy hypocrit, spoiled brat, rich girl, bawl baby, witch and had his hands full. One day he would give me advice about my marriage, then next he said he wanted to beat the crap out of her for her ignorant mouth. Finally i told him to fix his own problems first, I'll take care of my own. So much for the perfect Christian marriage.

Point is, don't let the fact someone is a virgin, celebate and a chruch goer fool you into believing they are perfect and all will be well when you marry. look for strongholds, character flaws and strong points and other key things in a persons life AS WELL as the fact they are a Christian, then you'll know what kind of person they are....to a point.

As for the "Keeping yourself pure" comments. I won't comment much on that due to the favortism and censoring that has been running rampant of late. I will say that the word used in conjunction with huamn sexuality is a untrue statement. There isn't a man or woman that walks this earth, married or unmarried, that doesn't have sexual thoughts from tiem to time. If they are in any kind of interaction with the oppisite sex, it will surely happen. no one is perfect, and no one is pure. Close, but not perfect. Other labels and words should be used for the true description.

Thank you :cool:

well said...
very well said..

i tell you i was never prepared for marriage.. i never really thought of what i wanted etc... i kinda just went with it.. i wasnt a christian.. ive learned more about people.. as i got older.. as i became a christian.. etc..
and its true about what you said about sex.. people have thoughts towards it.. just coz they have kept themselves dont make them Perfect or super holy.. just made them faithfull..

[imperfect]

I've been studying celibacy among other cultures and religions. It's just amazing to see what people are required to do to try to control their thoughts or desires (mutilations and beatings). It's interesting how some cultures view true celibacy with the inclusion of controlling sexual thoughts. We haven't discussed that much here.

Personally, I would have to admit I don't see unpure sexual thoughts as any more of an issue than all of the other bad thoughts I struggle with! Between my thought life and my big mouth, I admit...I have some work to do :)

I enjoy being able to bounce these crazy things in my head with my peeps!

Angie
The original Imperfect

[Evanescence]

I've been studying celibacy among other cultures and religions. It's just amazing to see what people are required to do to try to control their thoughts or desires (mutilations and beatings). It's interesting how some cultures view true celibacy with the inclusion of controlling sexual thoughts. We haven't discussed that much here.

Personally, I would have to admit I don't see unpure sexual thoughts as any more of an issue than all of the other bad thoughts I struggle with! Between my thought life and my big mouth, I admit...I have some work to do :)

I enjoy being able to bounce these crazy things in my head with my peeps!

Angie
The original Imperfect

Ahh..an honest soul....you are among friends.....:cool:

[patts]

Ahh..an honest soul....you are among friends.....:cool:
i love this saying.. cant stop a bird from landing on ya head, but you can stop it from building a nest there..

i guess this goes with our thoughtlife.. entertaining sinful thougts.. usually progresses into some form or action.. thats if you build the nest etc
i found as a christian.. the first thing you gotta stop is habit.. thats with anything.. as you do that.. you get prunned right back..and eventually... get a hold of the thought life..
the battlefield is in the mind.. thats why it says that a doubleminded man is futile in all his ways..
im so recognising this right now more than ever because im trying to quit smoking and i have to tackle the thought life there... as ive stopped the actions..slowly...

[Evanescence]

i love this saying.. cant stop a bird from landing on ya head, but you can stop it from building a nest there..

i guess this goes with our thoughtlife.. entertaining sinful thougts.. usually progresses into some form or action.. thats if you build the nest etc
i found as a christian.. the first thing you gotta stop is habit.. thats with anything.. as you do that.. you get prunned right back..and eventually... get a hold of the thought life..
the battlefield is in the mind.. thats why it says that a doubleminded man is futile in all his ways..
im so recognising this right now more than ever because im trying to quit smoking and i have to tackle the thought life there... as ive stopped the actions..slowly...

You are right....so right....

Its the ones that deny that they DO, that get me. Christians can be so dishonest....:(

[imperfect]

You are right....so right....

Its the ones that deny that they DO, that get me. Christians can be so dishonest....:(

I don't expect Christians to perform any better than non-Christians. All persons can be dishonest regardless of their faith (Peter and the scattering Apostles). Wow, wouldn't that be a great name for a band, Peter and the Scattering Apostles?
I digress. Sorry.
The closer I grow to God the more I have come learn of the darkness within me that he has saved me from and the tender mercies he continues to give me!
Man, I used to be so self righteous and lived in denial, perhaps for most of my walk in Christ.
I won't deny that it doesn't bother me when my brothers and sisters in Christ judge me and each other while they are in the same boat (sinners but sanctified) as I am. I am so glad I am not self-righteous like that anymore.
Peace y'all

[Musicdude]

I don't expect Christians to perform any better than non-Christians. All persons can be dishonest regardless of their faith (Peter and the scattering Apostles). Wow, wouldn't that be a great name for a band, Peter and the Scattering Apostles?
I digress. Sorry.
The closer I grow to God the more I have come learn of the darkness within me that he has saved me from and the tender mercies he continues to give me!
Man, I used to be so self righteous and lived in denial, perhaps for most of my walk in Christ.
I won't deny that it doesn't bother me when my brothers and sisters in Christ judge me and each other while they are in the same boat (sinners but sanctified) as I am. I am so glad I am not self-righteous like that anymore.
Peace y'all


Check out number one on the list:

Pro 6:16 These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him:
Pro 6:17 A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood,
Pro 6:18 A heart that deviseth wicked imaginations, feet that be swift in running to mischief,
Pro 6:19 A false witness that speaketh lies, and he that soweth discord among brethren.


I think arrogance is at the heart of all sin. Arrogance is what caused Lucifer to sin against God. It is what caused Adam and Eve to sin. And it's what causes us to sin. I think a truly mature Christian, one who has grown a lot in his/her relationship with God will always stand out as having a very humble attitude.

[imperfect]

Check out number one on the list:



I think arrogance is at the heart of all sin. Arrogance is what caused Lucifer to sin against God. It is what caused Adam and Eve to sin. And it's what causes us to sin. I think a truly mature Christian, one who has grown a lot in his/her relationship with God will always stand out as having a very humble attitude.

Yes, I agree. It's one thing to sin and not even know it, but it's another when we KNOW that our thoughts and attitudes are wrong but blow it off by justifying that behavior cuz at least we aren't as bad as so and so.

I don't mind when others correct me cuz I am teachable. But boy does it urk me when I KNOW their heart's in the wrong place!

[Musicdude]

Yes, I agree. It's one thing to sin and not even know it, but it's another when we KNOW that our thoughts and attitudes are wrong but blow it off by justifying that behavior cuz at least we aren't as bad as so and so.

I don't mind when others correct me cuz I am teachable. But boy does it urk me when I KNOW their heart's in the wrong place!

I know what you mean.

BTW, we are up to 7 dates now and the more time we spend together the more we like each other. Needless to say, I'm a happy guy. :)
Not that I wasn't happy before, but this is different.

[imperfect]

I know what you mean.

BTW, we are up to 7 dates now and the more time we spend together the more we like each other. Needless to say, I'm a happy guy. :)
Not that I wasn't happy before, but this is different.

WAYNE! That rocks.

:o :o I'm just a love machine.
:o :o And I won't work for nobody but you.
:cool: Yea baby....

Ok...how many of you all even know that song?
Yikes!
What are you guys doing for Valentines?
How sweet that you have a Valentine!!!!

[ausgirl]

:( *prays to have a valentine*

[Jason]

*gives pink roses to ausgirl*

[ausgirl]

*returns kiss on cheek to Jase* thanks!

[Jason]

Awwww. :o

You're welcome.

[patts]

WAYNE! That rocks.

:o :o I'm just a love machine.
:o :o And I won't work for nobody but you.
:cool: Yea baby....

Ok...how many of you all even know that song?
Yikes!
What are you guys doing for Valentines?
How sweet that you have a Valentine!!!!


lol wham!!;)

[Musicdude]

WAYNE! That rocks.

:o :o I'm just a love machine.
:o :o And I won't work for nobody but you.
:cool: Yea baby....

Ok...how many of you all even know that song?
Yikes!
What are you guys doing for Valentines?
How sweet that you have a Valentine!!!!

She lives pretty far away from me, so it's hard to date on weeknights. So we'll probably wait until Friday to celebrate V-day. But I'll think of something really nice for us to do between now and then. I am having a big vase of roses sent to her work on Wednesday with a nice little card.

[Musicdude]

I made reservations for Friday night at Spindletop restraunt.
Check it out. http://www.spindletopathyatt.com/

Oughta be pretty romantic for our first Valentine's Day.
I am so excited about her. After only about a month and a half, and about 7 dates I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt this is the by far the best relationship I've ever been in. :)

[Pouye]

I made reservations for Friday night at Spindletop restraunt.
Check it out. http://www.spindletopathyatt.com/

Oughta be pretty romantic for our first Valentine's Day.
I am so excited about her. After only about a month and a half, and about 7 dates I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt this is the by far the best relationship I've ever been in. :)

For some reason I have "Another One Bites the Dust" in my head, but I can't sing it just yet...:eek: :p

Rock

[Musicdude]

For some reason I have "Another One Bites the Dust" in my head, but I can't sing it just yet...:eek: :p

Rock

I'll gladly eat some of that dust. Where's my spoon? :D

[Pouye]

I'll gladly eat some of that dust. Where's my spoon? :D

Ah, ah, ah... not until you've tied the knot! It's gotta be official! :p

Rock

ps. I'm married, to I don't belong in here... I was just checking up on my brother Musicdude, I promise!

[Jason]

Happy Valentine's Day!

God loves you.

[ausgirl]

Glad someone does!!;)

[Jason]

Awwwwwww. I do too.

[Musicdude]

Ah, ah, ah... not until you've tied the knot! It's gotta be official! :p

Rock

ps. I'm married, to I don't belong in here... I was just checking up on my brother Musicdude, I promise!

Nah, I'm not gonna compromise my beliefs just because I like someone a lot.
I didn't mean anything by "eating the dust." Not real sure what that would mean anyway. lol

Thanks for checking up on me. I need all the help I can get. :D

[imperfect]

Nah, I'm not gonna compromise my beliefs just because I like someone a lot.
I didn't mean anything by "eating the dust." Not real sure what that would mean anyway. lol

Thanks for checking up on me. I need all the help I can get. :D

Hmmmmm, so tonight's your Valentine's Day.
How did it go?
Jase and Aus...are you two flirting? Do we need a chaperone for the moderator?
And Rock...behave (as usual).
Hugs y'all,
Angie

[Jason]

Jase and Aus...are you two flirting? Do we need a chaperone for the moderator?


No, ma'am. Love her as a sister. :)

[ausgirl]

Ditto;)

[imperfect]

Ditto;)
Me 2!

[Evanescence]

Awe...I feel all mushy now.....

**needs group hug**

Love is in the air....:) :) :)

[Musicdude]

Hmmmmm, so tonight's your Valentine's Day.
How did it go?
It couldn't have gone any better. Everything was perfect, and we had a great time. I had read on some reviews that it was supposed to be the most romantic restraunt in Houston. Well, I haven't been to them all, but it was definitely romantic.

We are to the point now that just about anytime we are not at work or church, we are together. And I am pretty sure it won't be long before we are going to church together also.

I am so happy!

[Musicdude]

I'm going to marry this woman. It's just a matter of time. I knew it the first time we prayed together. :)
It is amazing how unbelievably fast you can go from almost giving up on God ever bringing you someone, to being completely in love. It took us a little over a month. We are both exactly what we have been praying for, and told each other that. I feel overwhelmingly blessed. I sometimes cry when I think about it. I had no idea I could be this happy. There are so many little details that let me know God is in the middle of this, and He brought us together. And that gives me confidence.

I have spent just about every minute of my free time with her for the last three weeks. I am sooooo tired. But she's worth it. She lives about an hour away from me. I haven't got in bed earlier than 12:00 in the last three weeks. Sometimes later than that. And I have to leave for work in the mornings at 6:00am. The one night last week we decided that we weren't going to get together, so that we could get some rest, but we still ended up talking on the phone until 1:30am. lol I wish I could spend even more time with her, because the more I spend time with her or even just talk on the phone, the more I love her. I am going to sell my house and maybe get an apartment closer to her's probably in the next couple of months. It would be closer to my job anyway, so it would be better all around, and I would get some more sleep.


So, the moral of the story to you single people. Don't give up! She or He could be just around the corner.

[ausgirl]

Oh this is so great and so encouraging, thanks for sharing.

The one night last week we decided that we weren't going to get together, so that we could get some rest, but we still ended up talking on the phone until 1:30am. lol

That's funny, it's really the real deal huh?

[Musicdude]

Oh this is so great and so encouraging, thanks for sharing.



That's funny, it's really the real deal huh?

Yeah, I am as sure of it as anything I've ever been sure of.
I will be extremely surprised if we aren't engaged in the next week or two. And I know it's fast, but hey, my dad proposed to my mom after about 6 weeks, and they have been married 32 years. I think when it's right, it's right, and it doesn't take long to figure it out. We've already talked all around marriage, but not actually directly about it. She knows I'm planning on moving closer to her, and she's ok with that. She's even going to help me pick out an apartment, and help me paint my house and stuff to get it ready to sell. She is extremely considerate, so if she wasn't planning on being with me from now on, she wouldn't let me do that. And she's even said as much. We're not technically engaged now, but we're pretty darn close. And when I propose it will be romantic, and wonderful, but it will really be just a formality, because we've already both decided that God has brought us together and we don't want to ever be apart again. And we've even told each other that.

I've seen God bring blessings into my life before, many times (though nowhere near this great), and I have learned how to tell when it is Him making it happen. I know He is in the middle of our relationship.
We pray together, go to church together, go to bible class together, discuss God's word together, challenge each other spiritually, and grow together. All that and we love each other, and both consider each other an answer to prayer, and have said so. All my family just loves her, and all of her's loves me, and treats me like part of the family already. I told her I am happier now than I've ever been in my life, and she said the same. She is just amazing, and she thinks I am too. We prayed last night together before I went home, for God to guide us in His will and not let us make a mistake, but be open to His guidance, and ultimately desire His will above all and glorify Him in our relationship. That was extremely special to me, and I am continually amazed at how much she loves the Lord.

We met online, and the first thing that attracted me to her was that she was bold about the gospel in her profile. And the first thing that attracted her to me was the fact that I was bold about the gospel in my profile. Jesus has been our focus from the beginning and still is. It's like we were just walking toward Him seperately, and now we are still walking the same way, but we're not alone anymore. I know that's sappy, but it's true.

[imperfect]

We pray together, go to church together, go to bible class together, discuss God's word together, challenge each other spiritually, and grow together. All that and we love each other, and both consider each other an answer to prayer, and have said so. All my family just loves her, and all of her's loves me, and treats me like part of the family already. I told her I am happier now than I've ever been in my life, and she said the same. She is just amazing, and she thinks I am too. We prayed last night together before I went home, for God to guide us in His will and not let us make a mistake, but be open to His guidance, and ultimately desire His will above all and glorify Him in our relationship. That was extremely special to me, and I am continually amazed at how much she loves the Lord.

We met online, and the first thing that attracted me to her was that she was bold about the gospel in her profile. And the first thing that attracted her to me was the fact that I was bold about the gospel in my profile. Jesus has been our focus from the beginning and still is. It's like we were just walking toward Him seperately, and now we are still walking the same way, but we're not alone anymore. I know that's sappy, but it's true.

Father, I give you praises for the new love my brother Wayne is experiencing.
As difficult as it is for his young heart and body to do so, he has kept himself virtuous in obedience to you.
I ask God that You continue to guide their steps Lord as they grow together in You first, then wiith each other.
Bless Wayne and (???). Protect their growing love from insecurities, fears, or what others think.
I celebrate the birth of this love, Father.
Bless my brother !
I love you God.
Angie

[Musicdude]

Father, I give you praises for the new love my brother Wayne is experiencing.
As difficult as it is for his young heart and body to do so, he has kept himself virtuous in obedience to you.
I ask God that You continue to guide their steps Lord as they grow together in You first, then wiith each other.
Bless Wayne and (???). Protect their growing love from insecurities, fears, or what others think.
I celebrate the birth of this love, Father.
Bless my brother !
I love you God.
Angie

That was so sweet. Thank you Angie!

Wayne and (???).
Kim :)

[ausgirl]

Wayne - hey, didn't know your name before. I don't think that it's crazy to get engaged this early at all, if God's in it - which I have no doubt that He is, then what's the point with delaying things. I can't tell you how much I hate it when people put things off for years and years - guess the main reason that it doesn't worry them is cause they are all having loads of premarital sex anyway - so what's the hurry.
Anyway kudos to you for your excellent stance and I think it's just so great that God has blessed you. It has reassured me that, it's in the blink of an eye that things can all change - it could be tomorrow that I meet 'him', I love the 3 cord rope analagy in the bible - God the central one with you and your girl, a 3 cord rope can not be easy broken.

Wow, this is so great for you, I'm so happy for you *doing little happy dance inside* and I don't even know you. Your family must be thrilled!!

[Musicdude]

Wayne - hey, didn't know your name before. I don't think that it's crazy to get engaged this early at all, if God's in it - which I have no doubt that He is, then what's the point with delaying things. I can't tell you how much I hate it when people put things off for years and years - guess the main reason that it doesn't worry them is cause they are all having loads of premarital sex anyway - so what's the hurry.
Anyway kudos to you for your excellent stance and I think it's just so great that God has blessed you. It has reassured me that, it's in the blink of an eye that things can all change - it could be tomorrow that I meet 'him', I love the 3 cord rope analagy in the bible - God the central one with you and your girl, a 3 cord rope can not be easy broken.

Wow, this is so great for you, I'm so happy for you *doing little happy dance inside* and I don't even know you. Your family must be thrilled!!

Thank you so much. And you're right about how fast everything can change. I am praying for you, Angie and all you girls and guys who are patiently (or sometimes not so patiently :D ) waiting on the Lord to bring you your soulmate. I waited almost 29 years, and there were times where I was confident it would eventually happen, and other times when I just about gave up, but now that it has happened, I am so glad that I waited, and she is so worth the wait.

We talked last night until about 12:30 lol, (again yesterday was a day we chose not to get together, so we can get some rest. We have been doing that about once a week, and it's not working out so well, lol.) But it was a great conversation. I wanted to know for sure how she felt about me moving to her side of town, or if she thought it was too soon, or whatever. And she assured me that it was not too soon, and she is as excited about it as I am. She even quoted James 2:26 "faith without works is dead" and said that we believe God brought us together, and this is a step of faith. It's taking action based on what I believe God has done in us.

She was telling me that she was talking to her dad and he told her that he was starting to put back some money for, and I quote, "certain big future events." :) Which is good to know, because I was really nervous about asking her father for permission to ask her to marry me. And now I feel a little better, since he wouldn't be saving for it if he was opposed to it.

Question time:
Do girls prefer it if a guy has already picked out and purchased an engagement ring, and gives it to her when he proposes?

or

Propose without a ring, and then go and pick out a ring together?

I mean she knows what kind of ring she would like much better than I do, and I don't want to ask her all about what kind of ring she likes because that pretty much ruins the surprise of the proposal.

What do you ladies think?

[imperfect]

Question time:
Do girls prefer it if a guy has already picked out and purchased an engagement ring, and gives it to her when he proposes?

or

Propose without a ring, and then go and pick out a ring together?

I mean she knows what kind of ring she would like much better than I do, and I don't want to ask her all about what kind of ring she likes because that pretty much ruins the surprise of the proposal.

What do you ladies think?

How many polls have you done for best drummer or guitarist and yet, you're not gonna do a poll on this important subject?
J/K. Kim, if she's as smart as we believe she is would put you in time out!

My ring opinion is to look together. Find out her preferences on cut, style and size. Maybe have her choose 3 that she loves equally.
Then surprise her. Perferrably at a this summer's Third Day concert so we can post it on the website!
:)
OK. The ending was just my silly way Gomerizing it.

[imperfect]

That was so sweet. Thank you Angie!


Kim :)
I originally wrote (insert name here) but you got the picture

[Musicdude]

How many polls have you done for best drummer or guitarist and yet, you're not gonna do a poll on this important subject?
J/K. Kim, if she's as smart as we believe she is would put you in time out!

My ring opinion is to look together. Find out her preferences on cut, style and size. Maybe have her choose 3 that she loves equally.
Then surprise her. Perferrably at a this summer's Third Day concert so we can post it on the website!
:)
OK. The ending was just my silly way Gomerizing it.

Yeah, you're probably right. I mean my proposal isn't going to be a surprise. We've already talked about it indirectly enough, that we both know it's going to happen. The only remaining surprise is how and when I propose. So I guess by going ring shopping with her, I wouldn't really be revealing any secret intentions that aren't already pretty obvious. And that way she can get exactly what she wants. She is going to wear that from now on, so she might as well get a ring she likes. And I would pick out a beautiful ring, but she might have a specific preference I wouldn't know about.

Thanks for the advice. :)

So should I propose before we go ring shopping? I've heard sometimes guys will use like a cheapo plastic ring or something, and then afterwards go ring shopping. Good idea or bad idea? She has a good sense of humor, so maybe it would be fun that way.

[sandie]

Wayne: You don't need a ring to propose, and she may not be happy with a plastic one. (I'd be offended.) Then go shopping together for the one she likes. after all, Kim will be the one wearing it.

[Musicdude]

Wayne: You don't need a ring to propose, and she may not be happy with a plastic one. (I'd be offended.) Then go shopping together for the one she likes. after all, Kim will be the one wearing it.

Why would you be offended? Just curious. She wouldn't have to wear the plastic one, it's just a joke. We'd probably go shopping for a real ring like the next day. And I wouldn't let her think this was actually the ring I was giving her. I would tell her right away that I had planned on letting her pick out her ring, so she could get exactly what she wanted.

But anyway, you think proposing without a ring is no big deal? Cool.
I agree, it would be better to let her pick it out, so she can get exactly what she wants.

The plastic ring idea was just something I read on some website. It's not like I had my heart set on doing it that way. If there is even a remote chance she would be offended by that, I wouldn't do it. It's probably better to go a more traditional route. But I just always thought guys were supposed to have a ring in hand when proposing. If that's what she's expecting (and I don't know if it is) I'd hate to dissappoint her. Thoughts?

[sandie]

I'm a wit, but proposing marriage for a lifetime is not something I regard lightly, so I woudn't find a plastic ring funny.

Just wondering if the customs differ at all between the two countries, regarding purchasing a ring? I'd go shopping together.

[Musicdude]

I'm a wit, but proposing marriage for a lifetime is not something I regard lightly, so I woudn't find a plastic ring funny.
Ok, I see. I mean I don't take it lightly either. It is a lifelong commitment in God's eyes, and in my eyes. But again, we are not so serious with each other that we can't laugh even in a moment like that. But it doesn't matter, I'm not going to do that anyway. It's not worth taking a chance on offending her. The only reason I mentioned it is it just seems strange to propose with no ring. But maybe people do it all the time, and I'm just basing my opinion on movies.

Just wondering if the customs differ at all between the two countries, regarding purchasing a ring?
Could be.

I'd go shopping together.
I agree.

[sandie]

No, ask for her hand in marriage, and then go shopping the next day for something to put on it, and look at wedding rings at the same time. And I'd speak to her father, too, about your intentions. Maybe others will differ, but that's what I'd do.

[Musicdude]

No, ask for her hand in marriage, and then go shopping the next day for something to put on it, and look at wedding rings at the same time. And I'd speak to her father, too, about your intentions. Maybe others will differ, but that's what I'd do.

Yeah, I'll ask her father for his permission sometime prior to proposing.

Thanks again for the advice.

[ausgirl]

Oooh, this is exciting!

[Pouye]

Yeah, I'll ask her father for his permission sometime prior to proposing.

Thanks again for the advice.

I knew you would... All great guys do this! :D

And take the advice of the lovely ladies on this forum and do not do the plastic ring thing... very tacky, in my opinion.

This is just a suggestion. I found a private, custom jeweler who could make me a ring. I had Wendy's ring (I know, it is technically "my" ring, but she wears it well...) designed the way I wanted it. You do not have to worry too much about the size, since most jewelers can guess pretty good (and will err on the big side). It can always be resized easily, and it usually doesn't take long at all to do.

This ring is 14k gold with two fish made of white gold, with a textured middle inside the fish. The diamond setting is a robust one. You might think it is really expensive to do this, but private jewelers (this guy worked out of his home) will usually be competitively priced. His diamonds were all high quality (I had it inspected later by another jeweler, and it was confirmed), and very reasonably priced. Since my wife also had him do "my" ring, he gave us a discount on the gold, too. "My" ring is a simple band with fish hand carved into it all the way around.

We have both been very pleased with the look and the quality!

Rock

ps. This ring set is over 10 years old, and my wife hasn't had it cleaned and polished in a couple years. That's why you can see some scratches and little divots. When she does have it cleaned and polished, it looks just like brand new again.

[Musicdude]

I knew you would... All great guys do this! :D

And take the advice of the lovely ladies on this forum and do not do the plastic ring thing... very tacky, in my opinion.

This is just a suggestion. I found a private, custom jeweler who could make me a ring. I had Wendy's ring (I know, it is technically "my" ring, but she wears it well...) designed the way I wanted it. You do not have to worry too much about the size, since most jewelers can guess pretty good (and will err on the big side). It can always be resized easily, and it usually doesn't take long at all to do.

This ring is 14k gold with two fish made of white gold, with a textured middle inside the fish. The diamond setting is a robust one. You might think it is really expensive to do this, but private jewelers (this guy worked out of his home) will usually be competitively priced. His diamonds were all high quality (I had it inspected later by another jeweler, and it was confirmed), and very reasonably priced. Since my wife also had him do "my" ring, he gave us a discount on the gold, too. "My" ring is a simple band with fish hand carved into it all the way around.

We have both been very pleased with the look and the quality!

Rock

Sweet! That is a very nice ring. I may check into a private jewler. I think a friend of my dad's does that. I'll do my best, and whatever I get she'll love it, because she loves me. But I am going to talk to her best friend to just get an idea about what kind of metal, diamond-cut and style. That was her suggestion that I ask her best friend. And her best friend (Christy) said that she would be my go-to girl when I'm ready, so that will be helpful. They have been best friends since kindergarten, so if anyone would know what kind of ring she would like it would be Christy.

[Pouye]

Sweet! That is a very nice ring. I may check into a private jewler. I think a friend of my dad's does that. I'll do my best, and whatever I get she'll love it, because she loves me. But I am going to talk to her best friend to just get an idea about what kind of metal, diamond-cut and style. That was her suggestion that I ask her best friend. And her best friend (Christy) said that she would be my go-to girl when I'm ready, so that will be helpful. They have been best friends since kindergarten, so if anyone would know what kind of ring she would like it would be Christy.

She has a best friend since kinder? Oh, I like her already... that is a very good sign, my friend!

Rock

[Evanescence]

How I proposed...

NO ONE had any idea, except her parents. Theyw ere off to China for a 5 wek trip, so I hit them before they left, asking for her hand. They said yes. 2 days later, they left. No time for cluing my fiance in...:D

Then a week later, my fiance and I went to Ocean City MD, where I proposed while lloking at the sunset on the beach. I had a nice ring....500.00 or so, 1/4karat. There were annoying people around at first, so the mood wsn't right....i was getting uptight. Then miraclulously, they clearedout.

I snuck out the ring, which i stashed in my shorts...out of the box and said to my darling, "Sweety, can you hold this...." while she wasn't looking.

She looked at me, then looked down and gasped. I put it in her hand, but didnt let go. We were sitting on some rocks near the water and was worried about the thing slipping away in the ensuing chaos.

She gasped, then looked at me. "Will you marry me? I want you to be my wife and have my children" I asked.

"Holy s&^%" she said, then started crying and then said yes.

It was the coolest cuss word i ever heard my sweety say....:cool:

Musicdude, the moment you propose is a moment you wont forget. EVERY woman wants a ring of some sort placed in her hand.....don't skimp on it. Buy a nice 500.00 or more ring and do it right. You'll be glad you did.

Surprise her right man....don't cut any corners!!!!!!!!!!!

[imperfect]

and whatever I get she'll love it, because she loves me.

Dude, that is such a 10 on the puke factor!
What happened to our cool Wayne? You are soooooo gone!

Ok. Seriously though. Love the guys' ideas on the custom ring. Love the idea of proposing before the ring. Maybe you can propose somewhere near the jewelers and you all can go straight there...
There is no real wrong way to do this cuz after all...she'll love it cuz she loves you.
:D :D :D :D

[Musicdude]

Dude, that is such a 10 on the puke factor!
What happened to our cool Wayne? You are soooooo gone!

Ok. Seriously though. Love the guys' ideas on the custom ring. Love the idea of proposing before the ring. Maybe you can propose somewhere near the jewelers and you all can go straight there...
There is no real wrong way to do this cuz after all...she'll love it cuz she loves you.
:D :D :D :D

lol
I can't help it.

And as far as the celibate thing is concerned, is it wrong for us to sneek off to a justice of the peace and secretly get married, then just not tell anyone and have a normal wedding 5 or 6 months later? Hehe. Just kidding. We did talk about it, lol. We were just joking though.

I'm going golfing with her dad this Sunday after church, and I'm going to ask for his blessing. No pressure there. lol I'll be like, hey I know how Kim is your one and only daughter and you love her more than life, and would do anything to keep her safe, but.....can I have her? lol
I'll probably word it a little differently than that.

[imperfect]

lol
I can't help it.

And as far as the celibate thing is concerned, is it wrong for us to sneek off to a justice of the peace and secretly get married, then just not tell anyone and have a normal wedding 5 or 6 months later? Hehe. Just kidding. We did talk about it, lol. We were just joking though.
Hmmmmm, I like the way you think.
Ang, writes this clever idea in her OWN journal (for later contemplation.)


hey I know how Kim is your one and only daughter and you love her more than life, and would do anything to keep her safe, but.....can I have her? lol
I'll probably word it a little differently than that.

Yes, here's a suggestion. You just stated that she is his one and only and then ask if you can "have" her. I'd dump the 'have".
Maybe something like this. Forgive the cheesy factor.

1. "I know how Kim is your one and only daughter and you love her more than life, and would do anything to keep her safe. She loves God. She's funny. I can feel the strength of her family in her personality (spirit or anything else that suits you). You have raised a the kind of woman I have been waiting for all of my life. Who would you do me the honor of continuing what you have started as her father and build a new life with her? Sir, I want to marry your daughter....tonight cuz I got the fever!"
Whooops, sorry I got carried away!

[larryl]

in case anyone was wondering, since i have posted in here for a while.

1. still single
2. still celibate
3. still over 30 (this one isn't likely to change anytime soon, either)

update over. please go back to musicdude's hallmark special :)

[Jason]

in case anyone was wondering, since i have posted in here for a while.

1. still single
2. still celibate
3. still over 30 (this one isn't likely to change anytime soon, either)

update over. please go back to musicdude's hallmark special :)

Ditto. :D

[Musicdude]

Hmmmmm, I like the way you think.
Ang, writes this clever idea in her OWN journal (for later contemplation.)



Yes, here's a suggestion. You just stated that she is his one and only and then ask if you can "have" her. I'd dump the 'have".
Maybe something like this. Forgive the cheesy factor.

1. "I know how Kim is your one and only daughter and you love her more than life, and would do anything to keep her safe. She loves God. She's funny. I can feel the strength of her family in her personality (spirit or anything else that suits you). You have raised a the kind of woman I have been waiting for all of my life. Who would you do me the honor of continuing what you have started as her father and build a new life with her? Sir, I want to marry your daughter....tonight cuz I got the fever!"
Whooops, sorry I got carried away!

You're bad. lol But funny.


Well, I hope her dad says ok, because I bought our rings today. :)
We were at the mall and just thought we'd stop in Gordon's and take a look. Well, then we went across the hall to Kay's, then Zale's. lol We settled on Zale's, and about 2 hours and $4,000 later, we went and saw a movie and went home. lol

Hey, it's not a big surprise, but at least I know she got exactly what she wanted, since she picked it out. She actually decided on a band first, then we got my band, because she thought she wanted an oval diamond which just about no one carries, so we were gonna look somewhere else. But she decided at the last minute that the round diamond looked really good with the band she picked out, and she loved that band, so we went ahead and got the engagement ring too. So we're good to go now. I just need to propose. lol :)

It's really pretty. It's a 14k white gold setting with a 1.03k solitare, round cut, nice quality diamond. And her band is also white gold and has 8 small diamonds accross the top, and they really look great together.

So anyway, I'm excited. :)


Oh, and as for Pouye, yes, I am now quite familiar with the four C's.
This is a:
Cut = round
Carat = 1.03
Color = F
Clarity = I2

I now know way more about diamonds than I ever wanted to. lol
The clarity isn't really high, but the color is next to the top level, "G" being the highest.

[ausgirl]

$4000, wow that's like $6000 or more Aussie dollars - Wayne, do you have an older single brother by any chance?;) :D

[Charlotte]

I can only tell you that my grandmother used to talk to me about dating a lot. I would go out with all the guys and that worried her. She told me, "You never know who you're going to fall in love with...and he may not be the right person." I said, "How will I know, Grandma, when it's THE ONE?" She says, "You'll know." Well...that just made me frustrated. But, she was right. I met Troy on Tues. night at Bible study, and by that Sat. I KNEW he was the one. Now, we could have met 4 yrs earlier...keeping in mind, he was in Monks Corner, SC, I was in Laurens (a 3 hr. drive). A lady at our church was trying to get me to come to a WMU dinnner with a home mission board speaker who was a single guy and 'goodlooking' she said. Well, I'm like having NO PART of that. Yrs. passed, and SHE directed our wedding. We were meeting with her, and she said to Troy, "I've met you before." So she went and got the paper she had on him, and said, "See, I TRIED to get you to go!" Why did I tell you that...God was TRYING to get my attention then. But, I was TOO busy with my 'social life' that was not Christ centered at all. There is no easy way to be single if you have the desire to get married. It's like any other struggle, it's a moment to moment, day by day, thing. And you must face it that way. I believe if you abide in Him, and you have the desire to be married (not just the lustful desire) that HE gave you that desire. Where is it in Proverbs where the Bible says, ..."and He will give you the desires of your heart." When we are abiding in Him, our desires will be in line with His. But as someone else said, and I only read a few pgs., it's TIMING!!! And God will not be rushed. There will always be disappointments, I have 5 boys, I want a daughter so badly I can't stand it at times and cry. I'm SO blessed, but now, I'm 42, and my husband doesn't want anymore. So my dream is dying...but I KNOW I'm blessed...we all have things that catch us and it's hard to understand why we can't get passed it. Or why our prayers are not answered the way we think they will be. I was SO SURE I would have a daughter...

Just live each moment. I also saw someone said, be careful what you watch, and the music you listen to...that can hurt married people, too if we don't seek to be Christ-like. Some of this stuff on TV isn't fit for anyone! Love songs will just frustrate you. I was blessed during those yrs to go to single's retreats at Whiteoak in SC. We had a blast, and I dated several guys from there. And really, we were just friends...dated means something diff. now days...we just enjoyed each other. When you don't understand why God is waiting, TELL HIM, He knows when we are upset and well, mad at Him cause we think it should be another way. I've always found, that when I pray to Him outloud and TELL HIM I'm mad to Him, I can move on then. And ask forgiveness. It's not easy, I know. It won't get easier when you are married...it's just diff. stuff.

Praying for you and for God to bring the right one to you quickly!

[Musicdude]

$4000, wow that's like $6000 or more Aussie dollars - Wayne, do you have an older single brother by any chance?;) :D

Well, technically it was $4000 for the engagement ring, her band and my band. But $3000 of that was her engagement ring.

No brothers, just an older sister, but she's already married. lol

It's getting sized right now, and I won't get it until Thursday. But when I get it I'll snap a photo and post a pic on here.

I played golf with her dad yesterday, and eventually got around to talking to him about marriage. Actually, he brought it up, which made it a little easier for me to ask for his blessing. He told me he's never seen his daughter happier. And after I asked him, he said that he'd be happy to have me as a son in law.

So, now all that's left is to think of a creative and surprising way to ask.

[Evanescence]

Well, technically it was $4000 for the engagement ring, her band and my band. But $3000 of that was her engagement ring.

No brothers, just an older sister, but she's already married. lol

It's getting sized right now, and I won't get it until Thursday. But when I get it I'll snap a photo and post a pic on here.

I played golf with her dad yesterday, and eventually got around to talking to him about marriage. Actually, he brought it up, which made it a little easier for me to ask for his blessing. He told me he's never seen his daughter happier. And after I asked him, he said that he'd be happy to have me as a son in law.

So, now all that's left is to think of a creative and surprising way to ask.

Woah!!!!!!!!

You rock dude!!!!!!!

Good job and good luck!!!!!!!!

Always remember....The key to a woman's heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time....:cool:

[Musicdude]

Woah!!!!!!!!

You rock dude!!!!!!!

Good job and good luck!!!!!!!!

Always remember....The key to a woman's heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time....:cool:

Thanks.
Well, the unexpected gift part is gonna be hard, since she picked it out. lol
But I'll work on the unexpected time.

I thought maybe I could take her to a really fancy restraunt, then not ask her. Then do it again a couple more times, to get her off gaurd. Then ask her somewhere she would never expect it.

[sandie]

If you take her to a fancy restaurant and don't ask her a couple of times, she's likely to be puzzled or upset. Just propose, Wayne, as you've both discussed getting married, and announce it to your friends and family.

People can get caught up with wedding preparations. It's the quality of your relationship together, and the way in which you encourage each other in your faith walk that counts.

[Musicdude]

If you take her to a fancy restaurant and don't ask her a couple of times, she's likely to be puzzled or upset. Just propose, Wayne, as you've both discussed getting married, and announce it to your friends and family.

People can get caught up with wedding preparations. It's the quality of your relationship together, and the way in which you encourage each other in your faith walk that counts.

But she really wants it to be a surprise, and at a time when she least expects it. So that pretty much rules out a fancy restraunt, or some romantic spot, at least the usual ones anyway. It's gonna have to be pretty original, or else she will expect it. She wants to be surprised, and so far nothing has been a surprise. I don't want to disappoint her with this.

[Pouye]

But she really wants it to be a surprise, and at a time when she least expects it. So that pretty much rules out a fancy restraunt, or some romantic spot, at least the usual ones anyway. It's gonna have to be pretty original, or else she will expect it. She wants to be surprised, and so far nothing has been a surprise. I don't want to disappoint her with this.

Awesome. You'll figure it out, I'm sure.

A friend of mine did this:

One of my missionary friends concocted an elaborate marriage proposal to woo the heart of his girlfriend. He began by negotiated with a local hardware store to borrow (with promises to return them unspoiled) hundreds of feet of shiny plastic pipe. He then awoke just before dawn and transported the pipes to a nearby play field. His 'significant other' had a name that started with an “S”, and by laying the pipes out on the ground he carefully spelled out the words, “S. WILL YOU MARRY ME?” in forty-foot tall letters. Being a math teacher, he wittingly calculated the spacing and architecture of each letter so his question exactly covered the entire field, with the letters remaining in perfect proportion to one another.
He had chartered a nearby mission’s helicopter some time ago in preparation for his grand finale. The next morning the small chopper awaited the two at the airport, and he convinced his beauty to take a short ride with him. They communicated over their adjoining headsets, and as they swung over the field, he made sure the co-pilot had his digital video camera ready to capture her blushing smile and cry of enthusiasm when she read the giant, bold question herself for the first time. But reading it was not enough -- she wanted to hear it from his own lips. She took her headset off and motioned for him to do the same. Then he leaned close and asked her himself; and she, of course, said "yes!"

Rock

[Musicdude]

Awesome. You'll figure it out, I'm sure.

A friend of mine did this:

One of my missionary friends concocted an elaborate marriage proposal to woo the heart of his girlfriend. He began by negotiated with a local hardware store to borrow (with promises to return them unspoiled) hundreds of feet of shiny plastic pipe. He then awoke just before dawn and transported the pipes to a nearby play field. His 'significant other' had a name that started with an “S”, and by laying the pipes out on the ground he carefully spelled out the words, “S. WILL YOU MARRY ME?” in forty-foot tall letters. Being a math teacher, he wittingly calculated the spacing and architecture of each letter so his question exactly covered the entire field, with the letters remaining in perfect proportion to one another.
He had chartered a nearby mission’s helicopter some time ago in preparation for his grand finale. The next morning the small chopper awaited the two at the airport, and he convinced his beauty to take a short ride with him. They communicated over their adjoining headsets, and as they swung over the field, he made sure the co-pilot had his digital video camera ready to capture her blushing smile and cry of enthusiasm when she read the giant, bold question herself for the first time. But reading it was not enough -- she wanted to hear it from his own lips. She took her headset off and motioned for him to do the same. Then he leaned close and asked her himself; and she, of course, said "yes!"

Rock

Great story. I'm sure mine will be perfect. I'll definitely consult her best friend on this one. Kim helped her husband propose to her, so she owes her. lol

[Musicdude]

I got it back from the jewler today. I think I'm going to ask her tomorrow. I can't wait.
http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p252/keeverw/IMG_0410.jpg
http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p252/keeverw/IMG_0413.jpg
http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p252/keeverw/IMG_0415.jpg
http://i130.photobucket.com/albums/p252/keeverw/IMG_0417.jpg

[ausgirl]

Is that the wedding band with all those diamonds?? Wow!

[imperfect]

My former set is so similar!
I love it! In fact, I still wear the band on my right hand as my "true love waits" ring.
LOVE this.
Keep us posted my friend!

[Musicdude]

Well, It's official. I asked her about 11:00 last night, and she said yes. I wasn't planning on asking her then so I didn't have the ring with me. So we drove to my house (an hour away) I gave her the ring. Then told my mom and dad who live in the same neighborhood as me. Then I drove her back to her house (and hour away) and then we talked for a little while and I went home (an hour away.) I did some driving last night. lol But I wanted her to have the ring that night since we were officially engaged.

[Pouye]

Well, It's official. I asked her about 11:00 last night, and she said yes. I wasn't planning on asking her then so I didn't have the ring with me. So we drove to my house (an hour away) I gave her the ring. Then told my mom and dad who live in the same neighborhood as me. Then I drove her back to her house (and hour away) and then we talked for a little while and I went home (an hour away.) I did some driving last night. lol But I wanted her to have the ring that night since we were officially engaged.

And he's still thinking of us here on the boards, waiting on pins and needles... now that is impressive! Congrats, Musicdude and fiancé!

If we don't see you as much on the boards, we will know it is most likely because you are spending quality time with the woman of your dreams...;)

Rock

[Andi]

Congratulations Musicdude!

~Andi

[Musicdude]

And he's still thinking of us here on the boards, waiting on pins and needles... now that is impressive! Congrats, Musicdude and fiancé!

If we don't see you as much on the boards, we will know it is most likely because you are spending quality time with the woman of your dreams...;)

Rock

Thanks.
Well I'm at work right now, and she's still asleep, so I have some time. :)