Lame Youth Group =0( ...rant

[Tribal]

[rant on]
My family...self, wife, daughter...just moved to a new house/community.
Took my freshman daughter to the high school Sunday night youth group, at a local church, in hopes that she could make some new friends.
We stood in the sanctuary for 20 minutes. 1 (one) person, an adult leader, spoke to us for a couple of minutes.
Approximately 100 youth passed by without once acknowledging my daughter. No hello, no eye contact, not even a grunt.
Youth leader takes his mic up front, church begins, daughter & I walk out, go home.

Lame. :rolleyes:

I know people are people, but can I expect a little more from the church ?

[/rant off]

[Trillamum]

One would think you could expect more, unfortunately, most youth groups are not very accepting of new people....once you "break in" there can be some of the awesomest friends ever (sometimes) but, kids in most of them tend to be oblivious to anyone who is not them or someone who they can tell affects them. I'm sorry they were so rude to y'all, perhaps try a smaller church, they are often much more eager to notice and draw in newcomers.

[seeker]

In my opinion, Youth groups don't work. You have to have friends in the group or be a "part" of that church or else they won't talk to you. ( I know that not all churches or youth groups are like this, but most, sadly, are). That does suck, don't give up, you can find many Jesus loving people outside the four walls. Good luck in your search. Since you can use the net, search the web for different churches or youth groups and see what you come up with.

[sandie]

It's sad that the youth group was so unfriendly. Obviously, you will have to try elsewhere for one.

It would also be worthwhile to write to the leaders of the one you tried, to make them aware that you were made to feel unwelcome. Then they can sort out their problems.

Sandra.

[prayercloth sis]

We have had this same thing happen to our children.

It really should not be this way!!!

Our children were told they were too young for the youth group even though there were children younger than them attending, not by the Youth Minister but by the Pastor's Wife.

It really hurt them, now that we are in a smaller church, we try very hard not to exclude anyone, regardless of age, finanical staus, race, etc...

I am so sorry this happened to you and your daughter.

Children are taught by example, this doesn't only happen with the youth but the older adults as well!!! We need to pray for this church, the bible teaches to show yourself friendly!

Praying you find a place to worship and be happy!!!

God Bless

Rhonie

[The Oddball]

I wouldn't be too upset about the youth group. Speaking from first hand experience it isn't really that they are unfriendly. Its more of an teenage social thing. I don't think its a good social thing, but its a harsh reality. I hardly made any good friends when I was in a high shool youth group until I went on a retreat with them. I really wanted to make some friends because I didnt know anybody, but it took a catalyst to start the friendships. If you guys think you want to join the church, try to keep tabs on when a youth retreat is. If you daughter goes with them there should be no way that she won't make friends. I'm still good friends with people from my old church group all because we got to know each other at retreats and camps.

But it is possible that some of them are just "clicky" so if you guys are still looking for another church, then just keep your hopes up. Sometimes there are groups that are extremely open and friendly.

[firedupnat]

at elast you have a youth group to rant about i'm the only youth in are church and it stinks. when we had a good striving one we had rubbish youth leaders who were to old and had no children and didn't know what to do but they tryed there best. so bring youth groupand you lose all the youth except i stayed

[ibanez_player]

that's bad. at my youth group, when we get new kids, like recently, we try to become friends with them and to help them fit in. i would feel really bad if i went to a youth group like that.

[Jake]

I just stepped down from a youth ministry position. I'm not defending the actions of those kids, but I kinda doubt that they did that on purpose. I would probably lay a lot of blame on the leader who may have not taught them much about out reach. When I saw a new kid, I tried to make it a point to take a couple kids with me and go talk to them. Then they had their "in" and wouldn't feel out of place. But I'm sure there are times where I missed someone new. Nothing intentional, but I'm sure I didn't notice something like that because I was concerned about a large group that I had on my hands. I would suggest talking to the youth pastor of the church you attended about what happened.

[Tribal]

I just stepped down from a youth ministry position. I'm not defending the actions of those kids, but I kinda doubt that they did that on purpose. I would probably lay a lot of blame on the leader who may have not taught them much about out reach. When I saw a new kid, I tried to make it a point to take a couple kids with me and go talk to them. Then they had their "in" and wouldn't feel out of place. But I'm sure there are times where I missed someone new. Nothing intentional, but I'm sure I didn't notice something like that because I was concerned about a large group that I had on my hands. I would suggest talking to the youth pastor of the church you attended about what happened.

I believe it shows a definite failure of the leadership.
I mean, if the kids can't receive one of their own, I'd bet $$ they're not out witnessing, etc.

It's too much of a social get-together.

Sad. :(

[dawn-in-tahoe]

Yes the youth pastor should have introduced her to some other kids, but
maybe if she would have stayed they would have done something special during the service, or afterward. I think you gave up too quickly. Maybe the other kids were intimidated by parents standing there. I think you should give it another chance. Will you be seeing your youth pastor in church? Ask your youth pastor to make an extra effort to make your daughter feel comfortable next time. They must be doing something right, if they have 100 members. Wow! That's awesome.
Good luck and God bless! :)

[Pouye]

I wouldn't be too upset about the youth group. Speaking from first hand experience it isn't really that they are unfriendly. Its more of an teenage social thing. I don't think its a good social thing, but its a harsh reality. I hardly made any good friends when I was in a high shool youth group until I went on a retreat with them. I really wanted to make some friends because I didnt know anybody, but it took a catalyst to start the friendships. If you guys think you want to join the church, try to keep tabs on when a youth retreat is. If you daughter goes with them there should be no way that she won't make friends. I'm still good friends with people from my old church group all because we got to know each other at retreats and camps.

But it is possible that some of them are just "clicky" so if you guys are still looking for another church, then just keep your hopes up. Sometimes there are groups that are extremely open and friendly.

I was a youth group leader for years... and I completely agree. Youth in general have "walls" of insecurities. When a newcomer comes into a youth group, that person usually is sending off the message that they are nervous and even if they don't say anything, their body language will betray them as being "new and unsure", which is totally natural. Kids read body language very well. Newcomers will often read that they are being ignored, which is true... for their own body language is giving off the signals that they are new. Getting to know strangers is difficult because of the "unknown" factor. Relationships are risky... that is just a fact. When you are introduced to someone by a friend, half of those walls crumble and it is easier to get to know that person, because you know that at least your friend sees them as a great person... and that says a lot!

I can guarantee you, Tribal, that they ALL noticed your daughter. However, the social aspects of such a groups are following their own dynamics. It is natural (and not evil, either) to "click" or "cling" to those around you who have already shown that they are "clickable". Are "clicks" wrong? No. I don't think so... and I'm a full-time missionary! It is a mistake to jump to the conclusion that because a click didn't accept you on the first day you meet them that they are stuck-up, snotty, and unfriendly.

Getting to know people takes time and effort on both parties. I would say give your daughter and the other youth a chance to get to know each other. The leadership can help break the walls down, but ultimately it is your daughter who I think needs to be patient and make the first moves of introduction. Everyone likes it when the other person makes the first move to introduce themselves... simply because then they themselves don't have to be the first one to do it!

Rock

[WeaselInYerFoot]

Sorry about your situation (and that of your kids) but most teenagers don't seek out the lonely, most don't even notice. It would be nice if they did, but usually, going to a new High School doesn't involve having new friends the first day or even week, it can take a while. And like The Oddball said, youth retreats and activities that doesn't involve the parents (sorry!) are the best way for them to meet people.

[firedupnat]

Sorry about your situation (and that of your kids) but most teenagers don't seek out the lonely, most don't even notice. It would be nice if they did, but usually, going to a new High School doesn't involve having new friends the first day or even week, it can take a while. And like The Oddball said, youth retreats and activities that doesn't involve the parents (sorry!) are the best way for them to meet people.
please don't sterotype all us youth but i always try to make every one welcome and i go out my way to welcome new people and to include them

[WeaselInYerFoot]

please don't sterotype all us youth but i always try to make every one welcome and i go out my way to welcome new people and to include them
Reread my post, it has been edited to emphasize certain words.

[sirlok]

I remember when I first got saved, nobody talked to me for 3 years! Sure I was new to it all and I came from a pretty hard life, so talking to people was hard for me...but I never did understand why nobody talked to me all those years until I started going to a bible study where I finally made some friends...Now it's hard trying to go home after services having so many people to talk to.
Anyhow, youth will be youth. I know the youth pastor at my church encourages people to talk to new people, but they usually don't.

[firedupnat]

Reread my post, it has been edited to emphasize certain words.
thank you

there is some gd youth out there

[Tribal]

I get the whole youth thing. I've been involved with youth myself for about14 years. I have always tried to use some of the more outgoing youth, to make any newcomers feel welcome.
I think I'm most upset by the adult leader not having enough sense to step away from his Sunday night agenda & maybe do the same.

I'm probably over-reacting, but hey, this is my kid !!! :mad: :p

[mercyGurl]

I'm wondering how many adults are normally there. I know I would feel really weird going up to someone that was new in my youth group (about 50-60 of us) if their parent was there. Just because it's like...a parent. And I'm a teenager that's really good around adults! I can't imagine being a typical teenager in that situation

We often ask for visitors or new people when we get started. I visited another youth group once because a friend asked me to, and they had this whole section where they had me stand up and talk about myself. But it was about 5-6 minutes into the program.

I totally agree with Rock's post. And maybe give them another chance...ya know?

[Tribal]

We often ask for visitors or new people when we get started.


Exactly.

[mercyGurl]

Exactly.

I meant you might not have waited long enough to find out...

Just curious, have you given them another chance since that time?

[Unstereotypical]

Yeah, wait to see if they open up. If they stay the same after a little while, LEAVE and NEVER come back!!!

Some people are just stuck-ups. No one is as good as they are, and no one can hang around them b/c they are "it".

[prayercloth sis]

Just wandering if you guys have found a home church yet?? Still praying for you all!!!

Rhonie

[Tribal]

I meant you might not have waited long enough to find out...

Just curious, have you given them another chance since that time?

No, didn't stick around for that long. My daughter already felt uncomfortable after standing there for 20 minutes.

Haven't been back.

[ExtravagantlyLoved]

I've had some not-so-good youth group experiences before. I'm actually experiencing one now.

I went to a church for a few months and the youth leaders talked to me and welcomed me, but none of the youth really did. I think it is kind of a clique-y type thing. Sad, but true. I thnk it was also just more of a social type thing for the most part, because other than myself and a select few no one was really interested in doing anything for God. They just came because their friends were there and God was important, but just enough to come to church every once in a while and go to a small group occasionally. When we had special activities everyone would show up and bring extras, but just because it was fun.

The situation I'm in now is similar and it's really wearing me down. I know that a youth group can be so much more than what it is at my church now, because I've seen it. If I didn't know anything else then it might not bother me so much, but I do know something else and I'm having to be patient.

Enough about me. I'll be praying for your situation, and I hope that you can find a good place to go soon. It's really important to have a good church family.

[Melodeon]

I'm one of the youth leaders at my church and I've seen the same thing happen. This summer we did a Giant Slip n Slide... we had about 20-30 youth there, great turnout, great fun, etc. There were 2 new girls... one girl here visiting her mom for the summer and she brought a friend. These girls sat on the side of the slip n slide for quite a while and noone talked to them. I went over and chatted with them, it turned out they are from a small town in PA that I'd been to. Just relating that much to them opened them up a lot. So, I looked at the slip-n-slide.. looked at them, said "don't you want to go on there?" (they had swim suits on and brought towels so they were prepared.) They looked at me and said "we will if you will" so, I did (and broke my tailbone while I was at it). Once I went with them the first time, they felt more confident and were able to join in with the rest of the group and get to know the others. After that, they were set, and fit in great!

Sometimes it just takes someone reaching out just a little and getting them involved, even if it's an adult at first. And it might even take a couple of visits. Our youth can be very self-centered at first, but if we introduce someone to them or ask them to be aware of others, they're great. It just takes someone reminding them.

[Tribal]

Sometimes it just takes someone reaching out just a little and getting them involved, even if it's an adult at first. And it might even take a couple of visits. Our youth can be very self-centered at first, but if we introduce someone to them or ask them to be aware of others, they're great. It just takes someone reminding them.


Couldn't have said it better myself. Not sure if I can talk my daughter into going back though.

[koko]

The choir I go to had the same problem! When I started NO ONE wanted to talk to me. I got to know them after a year and there is no more problems with it now.... i guess its What you want others to do to you, do it to them. Also being a youth myself I find it a little scary that parents are there. It is much easier without the parents.... no offence! only my two cents ;)

[Col. Mustard]

The choir I go to had the same problem! When I started NO ONE wanted to talk to me. I got to know them after a year and there is no more problems with it now.... i guess its What you want others to do to you, do it to them. Also being a youth myself I find it a little scary that parents are there. It is much easier without the parents.... no offence! only my two cents ;)
i agree, sometimes, when parents are around, u can feel uncomfertable.(sp?)
:D

[Tribal]

i agree, sometimes, when parents are around, u can feel uncomfertable.(sp?)
:D

Uncomfortable Unshmomfortable... Ministry is ministry.

[mercyGurl]

Uncomfortable Unshmomfortable... Ministry is ministry.

Yes, for the youth pastor, that isn't an excuse. But for the kids, their main motivation is not ministry. You can't really expect that much from teenagers. Now in a perfect world these teenagers would have come up to your daughter and talked to her. But this is reality, and it's weird talking to other teenagers if their parents are there.

It was a grave error on the part of the youth pastor, but I think you're expecting something from these teenagers that they don't really know how to give.

[Ringil]

Sometimes as a teenager, it's really hard to walk up to somone you don't know and just start talking. I agree that the youth pastor could've said something, but if he's anything like the youth paster at the group I go to, he was probably really busy trying to get everything started. When I started to go to youth group, I found it easier to go with a group of friends. So, just wait a while for your daughter to make friends outside of youth group, and then try again. :)

[ExtravagantlyLoved]

As much as I want for people to feel welcome, I have a problem talking to new people. I have a problem talking to people in general, so...........It's just something I have to overcome. I've gotten better, but I've still got a long way to go.

[dpandtammy]

In our youth group, there are a couple of kids that are kind of the "unofficial" leaders. They are outgoing, and feel very comfortable talking to other teenagers and witnessing. (I am a parent of a teen who just did not quite "fit in" with our last church's youth group.) In this case, these kids have kind of taken it upon themselves to be the "welcoming committee", so to speak. They are always the first to speak to new teens, and it seems now that there are even more teens making the first move to welcome someone. We have an excellent youth group, and I know from experience that they are not all the same. But, if there are youth leaders reading this, you might consider "appointing" a couple of unashamed kids in your group to do this. And the kindness spreads like wildfire, once everyone gets a taste of it. I realize that youth leaders usually are busy "getting things started", but appointing a few to help out with this would take some of the load off, and the new kids would feel a lot more welcome, if the other teens are actually showing an interest..... Just my thoughts....

[Tribal]

Yes, for the youth pastor, that isn't an excuse. But for the kids, their main motivation is not ministry.

And that is a shame.
Youth groups should be more than a social get-together.

I once had a youth pastor tell me he'd rather have 10 kids who are hungry for the Lord, than a room full of kids who weren't. I didn't understand his thinking then, but it sure makes sense now.

Are churches just places of entertainment ? Entertain me, because if you bore me, I'm not coming back.

"Therefore go and make disciples ..."

[ExtravagantlyLoved]

In our youth group, there are a couple of kids that are kind of the "unofficial" leaders. They are outgoing, and feel very comfortable talking to other teenagers and witnessing. (I am a parent of a teen who just did not quite "fit in" with our last church's youth group.) In this case, these kids have kind of taken it upon themselves to be the "welcoming committee", so to speak. They are always the first to speak to new teens, and it seems now that there are even more teens making the first move to welcome someone. We have an excellent youth group, and I know from experience that they are not all the same. But, if there are youth leaders reading this, you might consider "appointing" a couple of unashamed kids in your group to do this. And the kindness spreads like wildfire, once everyone gets a taste of it. I realize that youth leaders usually are busy "getting things started", but appointing a few to help out with this would take some of the load off, and the new kids would feel a lot more welcome, if the other teens are actually showing an interest..... Just my thoughts....
That's an awesome idea!!! It always helps me if there's someone who will reach out and bring me in. Otherwise I don't quite know how exactly to get acquainted.

[Jesus Freak!]

Yeah, that is quite a shame...

It really hurts when nobody makes an effort... because it's important to "put down roots" in a church with other people.

My youth pastor has always talked about us making new people feel welcome.

Whenever I've gotten to know someone new, more often than not, I've ended up with a good friend. I wish more people my age knew that...

[Hawkeye Childs]

i quit going to the youth group at my church...my church is full of hypocrites...i'm one of the oldest in the group...it's all geared toward 12-14 yr. olds...i get nothing out of the lessons..they don't lift me up or encourage me...all of the kid's are 2-faced and snobs. They think they are god's gift to the world. They treat everyone else around them that aren't "popular" like dirt. I'm just tired of them giving the Christians in my town a bad name. We have some of the worst kids in the town as members of our church. They are hypocrites and act one way in front of the youth minister and another way as soon as he turns his back. i'm just tired of it. i decided not to deal with it or associate with such an exclusive group. They treat my fiancè's little sister bad too...i stand up for her and try to build her up. she's so sweet and a wonderful person...but the other kids are just plain mean and very immature. i get more out of just studying God on my own.

Now to clarify...i am NOT stereotyping all youth...i'm talking about MY church only...other groups have wonderful youth groups...i have met some wonderful churches doing a great ministry and i thank all of you that help with that :) just my church needs help and these kids need to change. i try to set an example....but it's hard to be an example when i am hated *shrug*. Anyway...keep my church in your prayers.

[Hawkeye Childs]

oh..and i have been attending this church since birth...and it's gotten worse and worse and worse...well i will be moving away next year and will hopefully find a church better suited for me

[ExtravagantlyLoved]

I'll be praying for your church Your name was Hayley, right?

[Gandalf]

Hypocrites are a pain... but, some of it may just be a sign you've outgrown the youth group. To some extent, youth tend to be like that, and you just may be more mature than "the crowd". I don't necessarily suggest you continue to spend your time trying to fit in with them; I just mean to point out that what you're observing may just be immaturity that's somewhat expected of youth (though not necessarily desirable), and may be as much an indication that you're ready to move past that stage as an indication that there's something wrong with them.

Take heart, Hayley; there are definitely Christians in a state you can relate to, even if they're not in your age group :)

[Tribal]

This thread is starting to weird me out. I'm the one who started this thread, about my daughter named...






























Hayley :eek:

[Hawkeye Childs]

WHOA!!!! hehe you spell her name right!!!! IT"S A FIRST! lol ;)

thanks Gandalf....the youth group has really rubbed me the wonrg way since i was in it...it makes me mad...*Shrug* thanks for the prayers...

and yes ThirdDayFan88...i'm Hayley!


*doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo* <-- it's the Twighlight Zone theme...lol

[prayercloth sis]

This thread is starting to weird me out. I'm the one who started this thread, about my daughter named...


















Hayley :eek:


Okay That just too funny...but I do get what you are saying...

God Bless

Rhonie

[Hawkeye Childs]

i guess the world is starting to realize that my way of spelling it is correct ;) lol

i feel so special ;)