New Song: I Wonder

[BurningSon]

Sometimes I think of you.
When I sit and stare at the moon.
I know your in Heaven.
The chance you've been given.

Bridge:
In my heart if feels like thunder.
And for you I wonder...

Chorus:
Why you left me here.
Why I can't stop these tears.
Why my heart keeps breaking.
Oh, for the chance I'm taking.
To hear you again, say I'm your friend.
I wonder.


Are you walking on streets of gold.
Do people look young or old?
So many questions I have.
Oh, can you hear me dad?

Repeat Bridge:

Repeat Chorus:

Repeat Bridge:

Repeat Chorus 2x:


Oh, I wonder. Oh, I wonder.

Copywright Josh M. Huxtable 2008

[Jason]

Hi Josh, this is pretty good. Good structure. Nice rhymes. Strong repetition of the hook.

Just a couple things ...

"your" in the third line should be "you're" as in "you are."

Also, we the listeners don't know it's your dad you're singing to until verse 2. Through the first chorus, we think it's a friend. Yes, I know your dad was probably your friend, but it confuses the listener when you switch from "friend" to "dad." You might want to use "dad" earlier on.

And a nitpick, the section you're calling a "bridge" many writers call a "pre-chorus."