Chuck Norris on Oprah

[sandyandporter]

God bless you Chuck!

Chuck Norris on Oprah’s Religion by Diane Singer

In an article titled 'Oprah's New Easter,' Chuck Norris has weighed in on the Eckhart Tolle book and Oprah's related online course called A New Earth.
Chuck nicely summarizes the tenets of Tolle's belief system, with this evaluation:

I have long thought that Oprah Winfrey is one of the most dangerous women in America. She's intelligent, funny, charming, charismatic, dynamic, persuasive, and generous, but she is using those qualities to promote a worldview that is anti-Biblical to the core. Every time I see her on TV, I think of how the devil disguises himself as an angel of light. If it's true that she once believed in Christ, then I can only lament how she has fallen away from her first love, and how she is leading so many others astray. She needs our prayers that she will return to Jesus, and then turn her considerable talents back to serving Him instead of a false teacher like Tolle.
Like most self-help spiritual texts of this type, it is a blend of half-truths and half-fabrications. One easily could save the purchase price of 'A New Earth' -- and subsequently avoid its misleading remarks -- by reading the Bible, which gives a much more thorough and accurate picture of life's purpose and the methods for overcoming its obstacles.... The reason Tolle's psychology and spirituality is marketed so easily is that it is an eclectic mix of conventional and unconventional wisdom, and Western and Eastern beliefs, presented in a tolerant, non-threatening and nonsectarian way. In other words, it's Religion Light, in which one can be spiritual with little down and no credit.


More Information: Click the links above and go to http://www.snopes.com/politics/religion/newageoprah.asp

[VerbumReale]

I saw a Chuck Norris button last week that was part of this whole Chuck Norris facts series that are meant as a joke, there is one that said "Chuck Norris sleeps with his pillow under his gun'" and another that says "Chuck Norris has no CTRL button on his computer because Chuck Norris is always in control" and there was another one that said "The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris." Chuck's comments here kind of put a different spin on that.

[WeaselInYerFoot]

Chuck Norris fact!

- Instead of water, Chuck Norris uses gravel on his slip 'n slide.

I agree with everything he's said particularly his last sentence, though I disagree with his premise on what makes it dangerous.


The reason Tolle's psychology and spirituality is marketed so easily is that it is an eclectic mix of conventional and unconventional wisdom, and Western and Eastern beliefs, presented in a tolerant, non-threatening and nonsectarian way. In other words, it's Religion Light, in which one can be spiritual with little down and no credit.


Unfortunately, this is right. And unfortunately, this is how Christianity should be, but isn't (represented my most churches). Christ's yoke is easy, and should practically not even be Religion, or Religion Light. It should strictly be a relationship, and not a set of rules.

[Howlin' Wolf]

chuck norris can divide by zero.

[lilmikey]

I wish He'd roundhouse kick her!:D :D :D


Does anyone here like his movies I for one do. All that cheesy goodness:D

[Salome]

Whenever school is not in session my boys are watching Walker Texas Ranger ...... with Grandma!! haha!! She's a big fan too. :P

[sandyandporter]

chuck norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

[VerbumReale]

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris

[WeaselInYerFoot]

Chuck Norris doesn't do push-ups. He pushes the earth down.

[Salome]

Oh my, these are hilarious!! Where are you guys getting this stuff??

[SirMax]

My favorite is "Superman wears Chuck Norris pj's"

[sandyandporter]

This is how great Chuck Norris is.... I don't even care that ya'll derailed my thread!

[WeaselInYerFoot]

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

[kristalball]

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

[danbos]

I never knew that Chuck Norris was a Christian...

[EmmoGomer]

Who IS Chuck Norris??

[sandyandporter]

Who IS Chuck Norris??

WHAT????

[DareDevil]

http://www.chucknorris.com/

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chuck_Norris

[mdeanne]

I never knew that Chuck Norris was a Christian...

Where have you been?????

[lilmikey]

Who IS Chuck Norris??

ur kidding right?:eek: :eek:

[lilmikey]

I never knew that Chuck Norris was a Christian...

and a real one at that unlike some of these other hollywood fakers who claim to be Christians. I have one in mind right now who I think is fake. But than again I cant judge.

But the Bible says you can judge a tree by its fruit and I see no good fruit come from this person hmmmmmm?

[mcgreen311]

Who IS Chuck Norris??

Not everyone knows who Chuck Norris is, but Chuck Norris knows who YOU are.

[/poor attempt at joke]

[sandyandporter]

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

and my current favorite...

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

[sandyandporter]

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

[maui sista]

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

This is good stuff...I CAN"T stand to even look at Tom Cruise...he makes me want to puke.

[sandyandporter]

This is good stuff...I CAN"T stand to even look at Tom Cruise...he makes me want to puke.

Question is... would your vomit be pink? ;) (<---drab)

[Salome]

Guns don't kill people. People with mustaches kill people.

[danbos]

Chuck Norris doesn't go hunting, he goes killing.

[mcgreen311]

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

and my current favorite...

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.


The infinity one is one of my personal favorites.

[WeaselInYerFoot]

Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

Chuck Norris can strangle his enemy with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.

Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name into concrete.

Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

Chuck Norris can speak braille.

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

[VerbumReale]

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

[VerbumReale]

and a real one at that unlike some of these other hollywood fakers who claim to be Christians. I have one in mind right now who I think is fake. But than again I cant judge.

But the Bible says you can judge a tree by its fruit and I see no good fruit come from this person hmmmmmm?


And how do you know that this person is a "Hollywood faker?" How do you know this person does not produce fruit?? I can only assume that you have first hand knowledge of this person's alleged hypocrisy. Otherwise you might be guilty of bearing false witness. Hmmmmm.

[sandyandporter]

And how do you know that this person is a "Hollywood faker?" How do you know this person does not produce fruit?? I can only assume that you have first hand knowledge of this person's alleged hypocrisy. Otherwise you might be guilty of bearing false witness. Hmmmmm.

Chuck Norris eats bad fruit for breakfast.

[danbos]

Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

So can I! I actually did it on my computer a few days ago...and then spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to get it back when I realized it was gone. :P

[ExtravagantlyLoved]

So can I! I actually did it on my computer a few days ago...and then spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to get it back when I realized it was gone. :P
Only you, Dan. Only you. :rolleyes: ;)

[Kasie_89]

My all time fav:
Chuck Norris wasn't born - he punched his way out of his mother's womb.:P

[ExtravagantlyLoved]

My, my, my. I must have been living under a rock and wasn't aware of it, because I've never heard any of these. Funny stuff. :cool:

[Howlin' Wolf]

So can I! I actually did it on my computer a few days ago...and then spent 10 minutes trying to figure out how to get it back when I realized it was gone. :P


hey guy, just hit restore!

[Mandy Robbins]

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.

Chuck Norris can eat just one Lay's potato chip.

Chuck Norris is suing Myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

[danbos]

hey guy, just hit restore!

What do you mean just hit restore...the recycle bin itself was gone...i had to go into the desktop properties and choose to display the recycle bin.

But, this thread is about Chuck Norris, not my computer problems. :P

They once tried to carve Chuck Norris' face into Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.

[Howlin' Wolf]

What do you mean just hit restore...the recycle bin itself was gone...i had to go into the desktop properties and choose to display the recycle bin.

But, this thread is about Chuck Norris, not my computer problems. :P

They once tried to carve Chuck Norris' face into Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn't hard enough for his beard.


ah! you deleted the entire the recycle bin itself!

Chuck Norris can restore deleted files.

[Pouye]

I find it interesting that ever since Chuck Norris has become a Christian he has been constantly ridiculed and made the butt of many jokes. He became a believer in part through the ministry of John Jacobs -- you know, "The Power Team" (now called the Power Force): http://www.johnjacobsnextgenerat ionpowerforce.com/jeromeking.htm

I haven't seen too many Oprah jokes these days.
For instance:

Oprah Winfrey virus:
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

Have you heard that Oprah has lost her mind? No? That's because it's "The Secret".

If every man decided to boycott the Oprah Winfrey show by not tuning in next week, how would it affect her ratings?
Answer: It wouldn't.

Rock

(Ok, back to joking about Chuck Norris, who is now a brother in Christ)

[VerbumReale]

I find it interesting that ever since Chuck Norris has become a Christian he has been constantly ridiculed and made the butt of many jokes. He became a believer in part through the ministry of John Jacobs -- you know, "The Power Team" (now called the Power Force): http://www.johnjacobsnextgenerat ionpowerforce.com/jeromeking.htm

I haven't seen too many Oprah jokes these days.
For instance:

Oprah Winfrey virus:
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

Have you heard that Oprah has lost her mind? No? That's because it's "The Secret".

If every man decided to boycott the Oprah Winfrey show by not tuning in next week, how would it affect her ratings?
Answer: It wouldn't.

Rock

(Ok, back to joking about Chuck Norris, who is now a brother in Christ)


Did you read the whole thread?? Maybe read the opening posts, there is admiration shown for Chuck. I have not sensed in any of these that these are meant only in fun. At the risk of speaking for others, I think every one who has posted these on here would say that they definitely consider Chuck Norris a brother in Christ. I know I definitely would. If you go to the web-site where these originated from you'll see that there is a section where Chuck Norris himself ranks his favorites.

[Pouye]

Did you read the whole thread?? Maybe read the opening posts, there is admiration shown for Chuck. I have not sensed in any of these that these are meant only in fun. At the risk of speaking for others, I think every one who has posted these on here would say that they definitely consider Chuck Norris a brother in Christ. I know I definitely would. If you go to the web-site where these originated from you'll see that there is a section where Chuck Norris himself ranks his favorites.

Yup, read the whole thread. I'm not against anyone joking about Chuck, either. There is a list of folks who can be made fun of, and everyone is on it. ;)

I was just commenting on the fact that since his conversion he has been made fun of 100 fold, while people haven't made fun of Oprah hardly at all for her "conversion" to a New Age cult (unless you count David Letterman -- her one-time nemesis). People who are very well liked are not usually the brunt of jokes. It is unpopular to joke about people who are well-like and popular (unless they do something in the public eye that is joke-worthy).

Rock

[VerbumReale]

Yup, read the whole thread. I'm not against anyone joking about Chuck, either. There is a list of folks who can be made fun of, and everyone is on it. ;)

I was just commenting on the fact that since his conversion he has been made fun of 100 fold, while people haven't made fun of Oprah hardly at all for her "conversion" to a New Age cult (unless you count David Letterman -- her one-time nemesis). People who are very well liked are not usually the brunt of jokes. It is unpopular to joke about people who are well-like and popular (unless they do something in the public eye that is joke-worthy).

Rock


There might be something to what you're saying, but I really think that the reason why people might not be making fun of Oprah as much as they maybe used to is because I really think people are finally getting tired of her. That said, Oprah is regularly the butt of jokes on SNL and MADTV, both of which I have never seen do anything with Chuck Norris. Conan has a bit that he does with Chuck Norris where he pulls a lever and random clips from one of his movies is shown but that's about it. I saw John Stewart make a few cracks about Chuck Norris when he was present at a rally for Mike Huckabee, but it was certainly nothing mean-spirited and not at all directed toward his faith.

[danbos]

Oprah Winfrey virus:
Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

:eek: That one must be from a long time ago...I don't think I've ever even seen a 200MB hard drive. ;) :P

[Jason]

:eek: That one must be from a long time ago...I don't think I've ever even seen a 200MB hard drive. ;) :P

I had a 40MB harddrive on my first PC.

[ExtravagantlyLoved]

I had a 40MB harddrive on my first PC.
Wow. I have an mp3 player bigger than that, and it only holds about an hour of music. My, how things have changed.

[danbos]

I had a 40MB harddrive on my first PC.

My first PC had 2GB...until we upgraded to 5!

And now that's a tiny hard drive. :P
And now my laptop has 2GB of RAM. :eek:

[ExtravagantlyLoved]

And now my laptop has 2GB of RAM. :eek:
Mine has 3. :P

[Jason]

My first PC had 2GB...until we upgraded to 5!

And now that's a tiny hard drive. :P
And now my laptop has 2GB of RAM. :eek:

My first computer had 16kb RAM.

[ExtravagantlyLoved]

I'm not sure what our first family computer had. My dad might remember. I'll have to ask him. I'll probably laugh when he tells me. :P

[Mandy Robbins]

My first PC had 2GB...until we upgraded to 5!

And now that's a tiny hard drive. :P
And now my laptop has 2GB of RAM. :eek:


Mine too, and I remember thinking "I'll never fill this thing up!"

[VerbumReale]

Derail!!!

[EmmoGomer]

WHAT????

ur kidding right?:eek: :eek:

I have NEVER in my life heard of Chuck Norris!! But my hubby has :)

[ExtravagantlyLoved]

I have NEVER in my life heard of Chuck Norris!! But my hubby has :)
Well, let me give you a sample...

*puts on best Churck Norris voice*

"In the eyes of the ranger
The unsuspecting stranger
Had better know the truth of wrong from right

'Cuz the eyes of the Ranger are upon you
Every wrong you do he's gonna see
When you're in Texas look behind you
''Cuz that's where the Ranger's gonna be."

As you can see, I may have seen Walker, Texas Ranger a few too many times in my life. :D

[Salome]

Derail!!!

HAHAHAHA!!

[middletree]

Yup, read the whole thread. I'm not against anyone joking about Chuck, either. There is a list of folks who can be made fun of, and everyone is on it. ;)

I was just commenting on the fact that since his conversion he has been made fun of 100 fold, while people haven't made fun of Oprah hardly at all for her "conversion" to a New Age cult (unless you count David Letterman -- her one-time nemesis). People who are very well liked are not usually the brunt of jokes. It is unpopular to joke about people who are well-like and popular (unless they do something in the public eye that is joke-worthy).

Rock

I don't consider the Chuck Norris remarks to be making fun of him at all.

[Pouye]

I don't consider the Chuck Norris remarks to be making fun of him at all.

So are they jokes, or are they are true? ;)

Your definition of humor or "poking fun at" must be different than mine.

Rock

[HotWireD]

I am sure Chuck Norris takes it all in good fun. I like him. I have only heard him speak on a few subjects but he has made sense and he does not hide his Christianity. He also appears to enjoy himself and not take himself too seriously in his movies. Thoroughly entertaining.

I like the cameo appearance in Dodgeball, the movie. It was the first time I laughed out loud in the movie.

There is a dispute as to whether the underdog team can play and two of the judges vote either way so it is down to the third judge...


...yep, Chuck Norris.

Pepper, it's clear what the crowd wants, but
the committee members have the final say.
And it looks like they've come to a decision.
Joe's needs two "yes" votes to play.
- There's a thumbs-up. Good news for Joe's.
- Please.
- Let's see how our second judge votes.
- Thank you.
Oh, tough sledding there. It's all even. Their
fate hangs on the thumb of our final judge.
Thumbs up. Average Joe's can play.
That is pure poppycock.
You're gonna let them do that?
- Thank you, Chuck Norris.
- Thank you, Peter.

[middletree]

So are they jokes, or are they are true? ;)

Your definition of humor or "poking fun at" must be different than mine.

Rock
Why not? You and I have different definitions on so many other things, why not this?

To me, "poking fun" at someone is disrespecting him. Those making these jokes actually respect him. At least that's my take.

[Pouye]

Why not? You and I have different definitions on so many other things, why not this?

To me, "poking fun" at someone is disrespecting him. Those making these jokes actually respect him. At least that's my take.

It's respectful to call someone prideful, thinking everywhere is "my space"?

All of the jokes are about how swelled-headed, cool and tough he thinks he is. But they are funny, none-the-less. ;) I wasn't saying that the humor was out of taste, just that it was interesting how the humor meter has gone up on Chuck since he became a believer.

Rock

[middletree]

All of the jokes are about how swelled-headed, cool and tough he thinks he is.
You must be reading different jokes than I have.

[cheewiee]

It's respectful to call someone prideful, thinking everywhere is "my space"?

All of the jokes are about how swelled-headed, cool and tough he thinks he is. But they are funny, none-the-less. ;) I wasn't saying that the humor was out of taste, just that it was interesting how the humor meter has gone up on Chuck since he became a believer.

Rock

These jokes started long after Chuck was a believer, and are not about his faith, nor him as a person, but rather the characters he tends to always play.

[HotWireD]

lol - I do not think the jokes are about how Chuck Norris thinks of himself in real life. I think it is a play on how his characters act (incredible odds against a single person, fighting Bruce Lee and other famous martial artists, performing incredible feats of athletism without a safety net (and probably with a wire harness)).

There is no offence meant to Chuck, I am sure he has no problem with these type of jokes.

It is very similar to the humour in Chinese martial arts movies where a person makes an impossible move and just shrugs it off as an everyday occurence whilst the bystanders look on open mouthed.